Deliver Us
by SupremeJediSkywalker
Summary: Kylo Ren dies after Exogol, he has a force journey with some family members and has a chance to return. He finds Rey on Naboo and their connection is revived. But can they forgive each other and let old things die to make way for their new lives together? Or will there be a division between light and dark once again.
1. Chapter 1

Ch 1

Ben

I opened my eyes and everything around was dark. It was an endless pitch black world. I tried hard to remember what happened before being knocked unconscious. Yet every time I tried to recall it, a huge headache hit me. It felt like my head was being pounded by a hammer on the inside.

I got up and decided to walk to shake off the pain, deciding that might help.

However, I soon realized that there was no where I could go. There was nothing, no light, no path, nothing. And endless amount of nothing.

The thought began to bring a new wave of panic to me. The darkness suddenly feeling like it would suffocate me. I began to hyperventilate and I collapsed to the ground.

I tried to reach out to the Force around me and it came like the ocean. It was overwhelming really, I hadn't experienced this much of it... ever.

"Yea it's not much is it? Well, hopefully you won't have to be here for long son." Said a voice behind me. I quickly sat up and turned to see a glowing blue figure.

It was a tall man, with long blond hair, blue eyes and a dark tunic. A scar ran from his brow to his cheek.

"Who are you?" I asked, somewhat terrified, somewhat curious.

"I'm not surprised you don't recognize me without the mask. I'm your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. I'm here to help" he said as he reached out his hand to me.

I grabbed it and got up, suddenly realizing the weight of his words.

"My... my grandfather...? You look much younger than I would think..."

"Well, when you're brought back to the light, I guess you become who you were before redemption, right Ben?"

He emphasized that name, one I hadn't been called in a long time, except by—

There was the headache again.

"The headache is merely temporary, it'll go away after a while. It takes some time to remember your life right before it ended, the quicker we get through this, the quicker you may be able to return"

He said as he walked past me with grace.

"Wait... are you saying I'm dead?!" Why couldn't I remember anything? Was this all a dream? And what did he mean by redeemed?

"Well... not entirely, you've become one with the Force, you were redeemed and brought back to the light right before it happened, but your journey isn't over like it is for so many of us. I came back after I suffered the loss of myself, my children and my angel..." he said the last word with remorse and guilt in his eyes, his pain was massive. It was overwhelming.

"We have to leave now, the longer we take, the more difficult it will be for you to get home to your...life" He said as he continued to walk and I followed him, knowing I had no choice in the matter.

"Where exactly are you taking me, uh, grandfather... I'm sorry but there's nothing here ``I said gesturing all around me at the black that surrounded us.

"We have to go back to you before you were Kylo Ren, you may be redeemed, but the Force has a lesson to teach you. There's one waiting for you in life, she needs you, but you cannot go back until the Force sees fit"

She. My head began to pound again. Who was she?

"But first, I'll take you to my life, before I was Vader, you'll see the person you worshipped was not everything you imagine"

And in the distance I saw it, a light, so bright it seemed that all the darkness around us had disappeared.

My grandfather stepped through the light and followed, unsure but curious of what we would encounter on the other side.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2

Rey

I stared at the heap of black fabric in the seat next to me. His clothes... the thought of the look in his eyes before he died always brought tears to my eyes. There had been so much shared between that small moment after the kiss we shared. Oh the kiss... my first kiss.

Often times I would wonder if it had been his first as well.

Then the memory would come back and I could feel him... the warmth, the softness, the hunger and passion I could feel through the Force and yet, his hands had been so gentle as the caressed my cheek. As he wrapped his arm around me.

At this point, you can imagine the waterworks that soon followed.

I remembered all the way back to the first time I met him. Back in that forest, and I remembered the darkness that surrounded him, it was terrifying.

And yet, I was drawn to it, I was drawn to him from the beginning, before I even knew the Force had connected us. And our connection ran deeper than anything. Palpatine had said it "There hasn't been a connection like this in 400 years..."

And at that moment, anger coursed through me. It took all my willpower to not let it run its course. Those memories with Ben had always been... unconventional. There had always been tension, but I always knew deep down inside, there was a light inside of him. He tried his hardest to dim that light, to no avail. It hardly seemed fair that he was redeemed only to be taken away. He was taken away from me.

I got off the ship that had taken me to Tatooine, and was now on a transport to Mos Espa. I planned to stay here for a while, to try and learn the history of a family, a family I learned to love and feel a part of. A family that brought balance and love to my life.

After a couple of hours, I made my way to my final destination, a small abandoned moisture farm on the outskirts of the town.

It was run down and it was obvious that it had been abandoned for years. I felt a million emotions course through the Force as I approached the small establishment. Fear, anger, love... most of all... sadness

There was so much pain and sadness, and I sat there as I listened to it. There had been many losses here.

I walked to the back of the house and from my pack retrieved the two sabers, Luke and Leia's, and wrapped them in cloth. I placed them on the ground and it began to shake, the sand beneath them moving and swallowing them, bending to my will and burying them in their home.

"Who are you? No one's been here for a long time" I heard an old raspy voice call from behind me. An old, frail woman with a cane asked.

"My name is Rey" I said

"Rey what?" She pressed.

That's when I felt it, felt them. I turned and saw Luke and Leia, him in his Jedi robes. Her, in her regal white gown.

"Skywalker, Rey Skywalker" and I felt a breeze, and I felt him with it. Our love was like the wind, I could no longer see him, I could no longer hold him, but I could always feel him...


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3

Ben

As soon as I stepped through the light, I immediately recognized the planet. We were on Tatooine. The two suns on the horizon were obvious, but all around me I felt the darkness. It wasn't as strong as I would normally feel it, but it was there.

"You feel it, don't you son? The darkness, a tragedy happened that day to me, it was the day I lost my mother..." he said that with a deep pain in his voice and nodded towards the scene in front of us. A young man with short blond hair and a padawan braid was carrying a body in his speeder, racing back across the desert. It was my grandfather, there was no mistake in that, but he was much younger than he was now and there was a deep, deep sadness and anger within.

"I never stopped blaming myself for her death, for being unable to keep her safe. I see now that Master Yoda was right, I needed to let go of death, it's a natural part of life. I couldn't see that, I thought that by becoming a Jedi I could save her and anyone else I loved..." he continued as we walked and watched the scene. A man had come and saw him carry the body along with another young man and a woman. By Force she was beautiful, her long chestnut curls were pinned back and the blue fabric of her clothing complimented the slight tan she had received.

"That... is your grandmother, she's beautiful isn't she? She was my Angel, my Padme, the love of my existence and the first person to understand me, the one person who never belittled me, I'll show you"

The scene quickly changed after he took his mother into the house to be prepared for burial. He was now in what looked like a repair room of some sort, my grandmother was bringing him some food.

They were having a conversation, I could sense the anger and tension in the room as the two held their conversation. My grandfather was extremely angry and wondered what he could have done to change what happened, how he could have prevented it. His anger was terrifying, I hadn't seen anything like it, except for what came from Sidious.

And yet the entire time, my eyes were entirely set upon my grandmother.

In his tantrum, she remained calm, composed, and she spoke with wisdom. He spoke of the things he thought were to blame, Obi-Wan, the Jedi Order... and through all his screaming and crying, she knew there was something deeper within. All she said was two simple words.

"What's wrong?" And he slumped to the ground, the truth opening like a broken dam.

He had killed the entire village of sand people who killed his mother. Anyone else would have been shocked, appalled, they would have run away. And she hadn't, she simply watched him, this young broken boy who had known no kind of love or understanding from anyone since he left his mother, and now she was gone.

"To be angry is to be human," she said to the broken boy, who now sat on the ground. He gave a simple answer of him being too good for that. She said nothing more and simply wrapped her arm around him. He was still angry and at a loss for words, and yet, I could feel him draw from her light, her comfort was like holding onto a piece of driftwood on the open sea. It was his salvation.

"And my fear of losing her, was also my doom" he said as he answered the thought in my head and he walked away towards another light. I looked back at the scene and the pounding in my head began. Somehow, I knew I had someone waiting for me, my own Padme, was waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4

Ben

"What is it you are most afraid of Ben?"He asked.

We were walking in the darkness again, aimlessly. I would have said something anyone would, death, but here I was a Force ghost, and there was the possibility of me coming back to life, it wasn't something I could ever be afraid of again now that I knew what awaited us.

"I... I don't know grandfather, I'm already dead, what else is there to fear?"

"Let's take a look shall we?" He said and another flash of light appeared, we stepped through it and this time we were in a luxurious bedroom. There was a young boy with dark long hair sitting on the bed. He was playing with a model x-wing, it was one of my favorites as a child. I held a sideways smile at the memory, it was simpler times. Suddenly the child became afraid, terrified, there were hints of darkness all around him.

There was screaming behind the doors that led out to the hallway.

"Han you're never around for us or for him! Your son needs you...I need you!"

"Leia what do you want me to do?! I have debts to pay, things to see still! I don't know how this Force stuff works! How would I be able to help him?!"

I remembered this day, it was the last day I ever saw my parents before being sent off to train with my uncle Luke.

The boy peered under the door where his parents stood. They were completely unaware of their son listening.

"And what am I supposed to do with him?! Every day he gets stronger, I can't control him, I can't make him stop himself! I can sense the darkness all around him"

"So send him to Luke, he'll know what to do. Do whatever you can to be safe!"

The yelling had stopped, but there was still tension between my parents as they talked in hushed tones and walked away from the door.

The boy sat on the ground completely frozen.

"I... I remember feeling alone, I felt... like I was a burden, like I was unwanted or dangerous. How could I expect anyone else to... to want me around for no reason than to have my company? If my parents didn't want that, then who?"

The scene continued, the boy lay on the floor and cried, but they weren't tears of sadness, they were tears of anger and hatred and immense loneliness.

I learned to hate my parents for what happened to me at some point, for their neglect. This memory was also the first time I remembered the voice that always provided some comfort, no matter how dark it was.

"Ben... you know... you're right. They loathe you... because you're different. I can help..."

I was curious at what the voice meant. It was cold and dark in tone but it's words seemed sweeter than honey.

I realized as I continued to watch this memory unfold that it was all a lie, Snoke hadn't done anything but hurt and belittle me and use me even more. I felt the rage inside me rise, my breathing was uneven. I felt conflicted, what was I supposed to do?

"You must let it go Ben," said my grandfather as if he had read my thoughts. "If you truly want to move on and live, truly live, you have to let go of that bitterness and pain. Or you'll never be happy with her"

I snapped back my head as he said to her, the pounding in my head returned, who was the "her" he kept talking about?

"You've seen where my turning began, you've felt my fears. And you've seen yours. Now, you'll see what anger can do" He said and we moved towards the closet of the room, there was a glow coming from the inside. We opened it and stepped through, into another memory.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5

Rey

After I buried the lightsabers in the sand, I decided to stay on Tatooine for a while. I needed some time to process the events of the last few days.

The First Order was dead, Poe had begun to enlist help in restoring the Republic. Finn and Rose were at his side, of course. Finn was trying to get the storm troopers back to their families. We found out that much like the Empire, they stole children to use them for their own gain, what we came to realize, though, was that for the most part, they were all Force sensitive.

It made sense in retrospect. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer or something like that.

After walking around the place I decided I wanted to try and restore the old moisture farm as much as I could, it had been abandoned for a long time and nearly uninhabitable.

I started working in what appeared to be an old repair shop of some sort, it was very messy with parts and scraps all over the floor and counters. I mostly came down here to find any spare parts to repair the moisturizers outside.

And that's when I felt him, he was here. I turned around, my eyes scanning the room, sometimes I would see Force ghosts, but there was no one there.

I closed my eyes and tried to reach out to him. My brow furrowed, I felt myself start to break a sweat, but there was nothing. I opened my eyes and felt emptiness once again.

I sat on the ground and tears began to fall from my eyes, I had never felt more alone since I'd met him.

"My sweet darling girl..." I heard a woman's voice say around me. I quickly looked up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

She was beautiful and young, she had a cascade of brown curls pinned back. Her face was very regal, her high cheek bones were strong, yet there was a kindness in her eyes. She wore a simple white gown with a blue velvet robe over it.

She stood only 5 feet away from me and I couldn't help but just stare at her.

"It's alright, do you know who I am?" She asked.

I shook my head and continued to stare. She reached out her hand to me to help me up, I took it and we were eye to eye.

She wiped the remaining tears off my face and continued to talk.

"Darling, you're beautiful, those tears do you no justice. But regardless, I can see why he fell in love with you, there's a beam of light all around you..." she said as she waved her arms in a circle as if it would make it obvious that it was there.

"There's darkness too, but... it's a balance, they must live together, as you've come to figure out."

She walked towards the stairs that led to the main entrance of the small repair room and then turned back to look at me.

"My name is Padme Amidala, I'm Ben's grandmother. I'm here to help you" she said as she flashed a smile of perfectly shaped teeth.

"You're... Queen Amidala of Naboo... you were a Senator of the Republic before it fell to the Empire and... you formed the Rebellion"

She laughed softly and clasped her hands.

"Yes, I was all of those things, more importantly, I was in a similar position like you've been. Love came to me at a high price... looking back I don't regret it, but I wish... I wish things had been different so I could have been with my children, and my Ben. To guide and help them. I may not be Force sensitive, but I have a good perception of people and their feelings. I had to do for my husband as you've done for my grandson"

She spoke of this with great sorrow and pain, I could see it in her eyes.

"How... what do you mean help me?"

"I won't be here long, I have another visit soon on the other side, I just want to know where your heart is. You need to be ready for what's coming, let's go"

She turned back and walked up the stairs, a part of me was scared, a part of me was confused. What was I supposed to be ready for?


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch 6**

Ben

On our way to the next beam of light, my grandfather gave me some background on his story. A lot of it I knew, how he had at one point been a great Jedi Knight, how he had fought in the Clone Wars and was deemed the Chosen One by the Jedi. He had been born from the Force, he had no father. And once he met Padme, Kenobi and Qui-Gon his entire life flipped.

He gave me all this as context.

"I don't want my legacy to merely be that I was a great Jedi warrior gone bad, there's more to it, you see Jedi at the time weren't allowed to form... emotional attachments. It was forbidden, something you should be grateful no longer applies."

He continued to tell me how he loved my grandmother from the moment he laid eyes on her at 10 years old. And how they secretly married nearly 10 years later, he was 19, she was 23. She had tried to avoid her feelings for him, but he always felt conflict inside of her. Eventually she confessed she loved him and gave in to her emotions.

After this, we saw another beam of light and stepped through it once more.

This next memory was my grandfather's again.

He had returned from a mission during the Clone Wars and was on his way to Coruscant to see my grandmother.

He was at the Republic Executive Building when he felt something from behind him calling. Not in words, but it was a feeling. A connection, it felt... familiar

_*thud*_My hand instinctively went to my head, it seemed that the headache was not as strong as the first time I had felt it.

Each time, it was subdued.

The scene continued to develop in front of me, he kissed his wife with such much hunger and passion, and yet he was so tender... there was something about the scene that touched my heart. A part of me longed for something like that...

"I'm pregnant..." she said. And his wave of emotions was like a storm.

Fear. Happiness. Fear. Excitement. Fear. Confusion. Fear.

"I was... so elated with the news, Padme would be a wonderful mother, I knew it in my heart. I didn't know she was having twins at the time, neither did she. I was terrified, I never had a father, Obi-Wan was the closest I ever came to having one. I had no idea how to be what a father should be, nevertheless, I was filled with joy"

He looked into her eyes and saw it, there was fear there. What would they do? What if people found out? What if the Jedi found out...

"Ani what are we going to do?"

"Let's not worry about it right now. This is a happy moment. The happiest of my life." He said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

_Ben..._

I turned away from the vision in search of the one that had called my name. It was a girl... but I didn't hear her again. Her voice was like a whisper, and her voice... it was so familiar...

"It's not time yet Ben, we still have a few stops left and this memory isn't over, we'll merely skip a few months... to where the nightmares began"

I looked at him and he gestured with his hand in front of us. The vision in front of us was of Padme, she was in pain... visible pain. Anakin was nowhere near her and suddenly the dream ended and he woke up. It went on for months. Padme noticed it. He would never really tell her the full truth, he didn't want to worry her.

No one else could help, Yoda told him he could only let go of what he feared to lose, that death was a natural part of life. This wasn't good enough for him.

One day, he confided in the Chancellor that he'd felt the Jedi didn't trust him. Yet he was someone who trusted and had faith in him. It was an unconditional... faith they held with each other. The Chancellor told my father the same thing he told me that there were powers the Sith held that were deemed unnatural.

Anakin found out the story that day of Darth Plagueis the wise, who had found a way to use the Force to keep someone from dying. It was like the Chancellor knew what he feared most and Anakin never questioned it.

"Son... in my youth I was naïve, clueless and... easily swayed by my emotions. As you can plainly see. I want you to understand that I was... terrified of losing her. I couldn't fail her the way I failed my mother. I needed to do everything possible to keep her with me. In the end... I lost her and my children anyways..."

The memory suddenly shifted to a red and fiery planet. Mustafar. I instantly recognized it.

There was a small silver ship approaching, it was luxurious. I could see the new Darth Vader now, his yellow eyes glowing bright. He saw the ship approach and ran to it. Instantly sensing who was inside of it.

She ran down the ramp to meet him, she was terrified of what she'd heard from Obi-Wan. She stepped off the sHip and into his arms, confronting him about everything, the death of younglings... the destruction of the temple on Coruscant...

"Together you and I can rule the galaxy" he said. Instantly I felt her pain, it was enough to knock anyone out.

"You're a good man, don't do this! You're going down a path I can't follow" she screamed, that didn't sway him.

Kenobi came out of the ship at that moment.

"LIAR! Obi-Wan turned you against me!" He screamed and his hand was raised.

I immediately recognized the gesture and panic filled every part of me.

He was going to kill her.

But Obi-Wan stopped him. They battled and Anakin lost.

He lost everything that day on Mustafar.

"That's the last memory I have of her... I was never able to forgive myself for what I did to her, to our family, to Ben."

I turned to look at him, he put his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.

"Don't make the same mistakes I made... you may get a second chance, but don't waste it. Do not throw away a life of happiness and love for one surrounded by death, regret, and loneliness"

He took his hand off my shoulder and walked through another beam of light and back into the darkness.

"It's time for you to remember" I heard his voice say, but I could no longer see him.

Instead I was shoved into another memory, and this time, it was my own.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ch 7**

Rey

I walked after Padme, she moved quickly for being a ghost. She walked with purpose.

We ended up outside, the suns of Tatooine were ready to set on the horizon; you could feel the afternoon breeze cool the earth and sand beneath us.

Some things like that, when felt through the Force, were sometimes overwhelming. Other times, the feeling and balance of nature brought me bliss and peace all at once.

"I remember the first time I came here, the first time I met Ani. He was a slave boy working for a toydarian. I was serving my first term as Queen of Naboo at 14. We were stuck here for a while, there was a price on my head from the trade federation, they were very difficult times."

I looked at her eyes, there was so much hidden behind them. It was like one could almost picture her memories and all the things she'd been a witness through.

"But I'm not here to talk about me Rey, I'm here to talk about you and your purpose." She said with a sly smile "Tell me, what drove you to believe in Ben? What helped you see he could turn?"

My mind went blank for a moment. No one had asked me that. It was simply a feeling I had since I met him in that forest on Takodana.

"I... I don't know... I guess a part of me always sensed that he was conflicted." I grew silent for a second and thought on how to answer he question as fully as I could. "I met him and at first I was terrified but I felt a strange pull towards him. Once I was in the interrogation room and he took the mask off I was entranced. He looked at me like… I don't know but it wasn't hatred or murder. The more my abilities in the Force grew, so did that feeling. There was good in him, I knew it" I said as I looked at her.

She gave me another half smile.

"Do you remember what Maz Kanata told Finn when she first met him?"

I did, the memory was like yesterday, that was the day I met Ben, when he was still Kylo Ren, not something I thought I could easily or ever forget.

"She said that 'when you live long enough, you see the same eyes on different people'" I could never understand what exactly she meant by that, I merely assumed she meant people were easy to read.

"It's the truth, here I'll show you something." She said as she extended her hand to me once more. As soon as I touched it, a memory came into my head, not my own, but hers.

"Obi Wan... there's still good in him..." she said. Her eyes were tired in the vision; I could see she was losing the fight between life and death. But there was a fierce determination in them and in her words, a drive I had never seen before.

"You used the exact words I once did... and you've done many similar things like I once did to help my Anakin. You're on the right path, but how much have you actually forgiven him?"

Her question took me by surprise. I thought had forgiven him, I thought knew it, and yet every time I felt him... even if I thought back to our kiss, I could always feel myself become angry, sad, upset, _volatile…_

Deep down inside a part of me still hated him.

"So I assume I was right. Rey, forgiveness takes time. Trust me, even in death it took a long time for me to forgive Anakin. But I always knew there was good in him. I knew it because the love we had, the bond we had formed was stronger than anything else. And our children were proof of that love. I admit we could have avoided all the pain but he never would have learned his lesson nor I mine. In the end I forgave him. And I love him more than myself. Tell me, what would you be willing to do for Ben if he were here?"

I was shocked by that question, she had given me so many things to ponder and think about. I was overwhelmed.

"I... I'm not sure... I... I need time to think..." she nodded in understanding and began to walk towards me.

"You don't have much time sweetheart, meditate, soon all this will make sense." She put her hand on my cheek and kissed my forehead before walking away and disappearing with every step, leaving me more confused than when our meeting began.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch 8**

**Ben**

I was watching myself fight a young woman. She was beautiful to say the least, and she was strong with the Force, stronger than anyone I knew besides Snoke or Skywalker.

Suddenly her name came to mind.

_Rey..._

This time there was no pounding in my head, and a smile spread across my face as I recalled the love that grew and that I felt when we kissed... Along with it came many other dark memories.

"I see the Force allowed you to remember her. I'm not surprised that she triggered it. You love her Ben. You are bonded to her through the Force like no one has been in centuries. Now tell me, what do you recall of this encounter?"

I squinted, trying to remember that day.

"Focus on yourself through the memory, try to home in to your thoughts, your feelings..."

I connected to the Force and began to feel things.

Anger. Confusion. Intrigue. Attraction

_Attraction_

"Ah... we've found the feeling... from the first day that girl held your heart. And you didn't even know it"

He was right, I could remember that day and how I couldn't stop thinking about how raw her power was. How beautiful she was. The way she danced with the lightsaber against me in the forest. She was clumsy and sloppy in the forest of course, having no previous training, but her natural abilities shined through. She was graceful and strong. She was the light, but in the forest, her darkness was extremely present.

The memory had moved on to where I put her to sleep and carried her back to the ship for interrogation.

I waited for her to wake up, I had never seen anyone look so peaceful, I couldn't force myself to leave her side in that moment.

"Grandfather... I remember... the conflict and confusion I felt... her light blinded me, but I couldn't understand how someone I considered so weak cause so much trouble. I remember carrying her and thinking I wanted to, no, needed to understand who she was. I now see I was just scared of what she meant, from the beginning she had me, just like you said, but I regret how long I took to admit it" he nodded and the memory moved on to where I held her prisoner. I was furious that she had been so defiant, so unwilling to cooperate, I wasn't used to someone being so resistant to my mind probing.

Eventually she woke up, her face full of confusion and she tried to mask her fear. To this day I have no idea why I sat there and waited for her to awaken. All I remember was thinking I had to stay, thinking if I didn't she would escape and losing her would result in punishment from Snoke. It was a pathetic excuse honestly.

She asked the usual questions, where she was, what I wanted...

I could sense her fear so easily, but I didn't want her to be afraid. I wanted her to... trust me.

That's why I took the mask off when she made a comment of it being easier to kill someone when they wore a mask.

I could still feel her defiance, it... angered me. The more I tried to get in her thoughts the more she would shut me out.

So I got close to her, thinking if I touched her the connection would be... more solid.

I could sense something deeper in her... rage... loneliness... disgust for me... I told her she was lonely, I read all her thoughts like a book.

"You dream of an ocean... and you see Han Solo as the father you never had..." Hearing my father's name in that moment pained me. I hadn't forgiven myself for that, I don't think I ever could. And yet through that pain, I felt hatred towards the scavenger girl. How dare she take what was mine...? My fathers love... no, not even that. I just wanted him to appreciate me for who I was, to say I was good enough and to not be afraid of me.

And yet... I couldn't help but feel tension and electricity run between her and I... my eyes took every inch of her. Her hair falling around her face, the way her skin seemed so smooth even after all that time on Jakku, and her lips...

But the wall came down in her mind once more, she grew stronger by the second.

I had eventually moved away and kept demanding she tell me of the map she saw. I tried to force it out of her but she put up as much of a fight as I did. That's when I felt it, the connection. I saw that her life and mine would always be intertwined but I didn't know how or why.

"Don't be afraid... I feel it too" I said as I pushed harder into her mind, I was straining my mental muscles to full capacity and was so distracted by the connection we formed that I didn't notice how she had managed to get in MY head.

"You're afraid..." she said, a new level of determination in her eyes "that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader" and something inside me snapped in that moment.

I couldn't believe she turned the tables on me. I was furious, it took everything inside me not to kill her then and there.

"Well, that's what I call a rocky start, next time I'll give you some pointers on how to ask a girl on a date. It's time for the next round of memories" he said as we walked back to the darkness. But a part of me couldn't help but look back at the broken boy who'd been bested by a scavenger girl from nowhere.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ch 9**

**Rey**

After the visit from Padme I had a lot to think about.

I had been visited by very few Force ghosts in my short time as a Jedi.

And her visit was the strangest of them all. It gave me a headache every time I thought about it.

I decided to meditate after her visit, but my nerves wouldn't calm down enough, so I went outside, realizing the sun had already set and it was well past dark.

I could see the three moons of the barren planet, the stars shining brighter than anything. It reminded me of Jakku. Sometimes I would sit on the roof of my AT-AT and stare up at the sky. I would hope to see a ship enter the atmosphere with my parents on it. Moz's words always came to mind when I revisited those memories. How no one was coming for me on Jakku, but there was someone who still could come back.

I never thought Kylo Ren would be the person to do so.

I sat on the cold ground, the breeze was picking up a little, sending a shiver down my spine.

I tried to reach that connection... always hoping for something and just like every time, there was nothing.

Maybe I was going insane.

I screamed in rage and started pounding the ground as hard as possible.

I just couldn't believe it. I had saved the galaxy, I brought balance to the Force. And I still lost... I lost the most precious thing in my life.

I couldn't help but think "If he'd only turned back sooner, if he'd come back to the light before... we could have lived a different life perhaps..."

But one thing I learned on Jakku was that no matter how much you hoped for one outcome, life would deal you a different set of cards.

I hate him.

I hate that I couldn't be with him. I hated how much I loved him and how much it hurt to lose him.

I suddenly thought back to a memory, the one I had almost completely forgotten about.

A few weeks after the battle at Crait, I was sitting in my new quarters of the new Resistance base. I was attempting to sketch something in my journal, it was mindless at the time, but by the time I finished it was a pair of dark eyes along the edges, a dark scar on the left side.

I was frustrated at my emotions, not because I thought they were weak, but because it was wrong. How could I come to care for someone like him?

"You seem to be in a mood" he said as I looked towards the door. That stupid connection seemed to turn on every now and then. I thought that Snoke had told us the truth and he had forged our connection, it would have been much easier to deal with that idea than the fact that we wear actually connected through the Force. I would have also been lying if I said I didn't enjoy his company more often than not.

"You know you seem to pop up at the most unexpected and unwanted times" I said as I snapped my journal shut and threw it to the side of my cot.

"Curious, I still can't see your surroundings, " he said as he stepped closer to where I sat. "But each time I feel... a stronger connection"

I looked up at him, his dark eyes bored straight into mine.

I quickly turned away, my face suddenly feeling warm. It was so easy for me to feel... awkward? I couldn't place it. I assumed is what that was, especially around him.

"I feel it too... that doesn't mean I like it Ben"

"I told you to stop calling me that" he snapped. His anger hitting like a whip.

"It's your name, it's who you are. I told you, I know everything about you, but I don't understand why you deny the light that's coming from inside you" I said as I stood up and closed the remaining gap between us. It felt like an impulse, physically I had always felt drawn to him. Not just because of the strange bond between us, but even... physically and emotionally.

I would be a fool to deny he wasn't attractive physically, there was the way his dark hair contrasted against his light skin. The way his lips were slightly pouted, yet full, and his dark eyes... how they seemed to burn through me.

"I'm not Ben Solo, he died, along with his scum of a father, Han Solo" he said, and he turned to walk away, my hand reached out to grab his arm and I felt him grow tense at my touch.

He turned back and looked at me once more.

Our eyes connected and I swear I saw the galaxy in them.

I could never figure out if he felt the same.

His "softer" feelings were always clouded by the darkness.

And yet his usually gloved hand, bare this time, reached up and touched the side of my face ever so slightly, it felt like the kiss of a feather against my skin. I closed my eyes and started to turn my head, I wanted to lean into his hand... but he pulled his hand away and walked away from me.

I didn't know until now how much that action had really hurt me.

"You know my proposal Rey... join me... or die for your cause"

"Ben... you know my answer, I won't do it. The conflict in you grows greater each day. All I pray for is that you come back into the light..."

He turned slightly to the side and I could have sworn a tear slipped from his eye.

His last words that day were "It's too late for me..." and the connection ended.

Normally, his physical contact with me was to get a strong connection to my mind, to my thoughts, or my feelings, that's what I had always assumed. Looking back, I see now that, in his own way, he was trying to show affection as best as he could. He hadn't known what it was to feel a deep connection to someone who wasn't family. And neither had I. By the time we figured that out, it was already too late.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ch 10**

**Ben**

When I stepped into the next memory with my grandfather, I nearly fell to the ground in tears as the images became clear.

It was the day I killed my father. I had always looked up to him when I was a kid. I wanted to be a great pilot like he had once been during the days of the rebellion. Yet he was never there for me, him and my mother always fought, as I grew older I realized the fights were more about me and the problems I was giving them.

"You know... Han was a great man, not sure he's what I wanted for my Leia at first, but he made her happy, and he was part of what brought you back"

We had been arguing on the bridge for what felt like an eternity. It was difficult seeing him, a part of me longed to beg him for help. Another part of me knew I had to kill him to truly be a part of the darkness. With darkness came power, freedom...

"Come home. We miss you"

_We_

That word broke my resolve, because I knew he was talking about my mother too. But how could I go back after everything I'd done? Everything I had worked for? Everything they'd done to me?

The conflict at that moment was unbearable.

"I'm being torn apart. I don't know what to do... I just want this pain to end"

And it was true. I knew I had to kill him, but my pain... he had caused so much of it. Both of my parents had.

"I know what I have to do. I don't know if I have the strength to do it... Will you help me?"

_Do it... then you will have all the power... you will never be looked down upon. You will never be weak. You'll be someone at last..._

The voice in my head never stopped. I wanted to be important, I didn't want to feel weak or unwanted ever again.

The darkness always kept her promises.

"Yes, anything." He said, he looked into my eyes, but I couldn't stop myself.

The rest of it happened quickly. He reached to wrap his arms around me and I turned on my saber.

A part of me was asking my father for help. I wanted his help walking away from everything and finding my way back to him and my mother. Another part of me was reaching out for Snoke. The only person to ever value me for what I was capable of and for who I was. I was at a crossroads with no idea on what the next steps should be.

He reached out his hand towards my face and touched me.

_I'm sorry. I love you and I forgive you._

Were the last thoughts I heard from him. I ignited my saber and his body was pierced by it, he fell hundreds of feet below us.

I went numb, the memory brought a feeling of disgust and hatred towards myself. The rest went by in a blur, me getting shot, running through the woods, the fight with Rey.

The entire time I felt rage. Rage because I hated what I had done.

Rage because I couldn't understand how my father, the person who I had just killed and looked into his eyes as his life slipped away could love me. The man I betrayed, had somehow found in his heart, a way to forgive me.

The memory ended but I found myself on the ground shaking with the sobs that ripped through my entire body.

"Ben..." I heard a voice say. It wasn't my grandfather's, it was a woman's. I looked towards where the voice came from to find the her. She was beautiful. She had curly brown hair, and a soft smile. Her eyes were like warm chocolate.

She reminded me of Rey.

"Let it go sweetheart" she said as she walked closer to me. She bent down and I could see she was fairly small. She moved a tendril of hair from my face and I suddenly felt like everything was fine, but the sobs couldn't stop.

"Who...who are you?" I asked as she pulled away. She looked like an angel in the white gown she was wearing, a blue velvet robe covered her.

"I'm your grandmother, Padme Amidala"

Before I saw my grandfather, there was not a lot I had ever heard of Padme, my grandmother. My mother never talked about her parents, she had been adopted by the Organa's as a baby under the pretense that she had been orphaned.

"I know this is unexpected, there's probably not a lot that you know about me, but that's alright it's not your fault, nor your parents. I'm here to help" she reached her hand out to help me get up, the notion seemed silly, seeing that she was about half of my size, there was no way she could lift me up.

Although I wasn't wrong, I was surprised. She had a very strong grip and didn't budge when I used some of her weight to help me get up.

"Walk with me, now tell me, what do you remember about Rey?" She said in a soft, yet strong, commanding voice. I could see where my mother got her politician skills now.

"I... I'm still trying to remember things, sometimes I get headaches if I think about her or a specific memory." She nodded understandingly at that. "I remember few moments... our kiss... and how happy she made me for a split second. I remember how her light felt through our bond. It was like seeing the sun for the first time" we had stopped walking at some point, she was smiling at me the whole time. I could see why my grandfather had risked everything for her, this woman was strong, passionate, beautiful. I had picked up these few things from the Force around her. She wasn't sensitive to it, but she was strong nonetheless.

"Grandmother... your eyes remind me of her, there's a fire inside of you, and a deep, deep compassion... She had the same look you did" she smiled at my comment and linked her arm around mine, continuing our walk.

"If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. You know, you and your grandfather aren't so different. He was always very... troubled emotionally. But he had a pure heart, he always wanted to try and help those in need. He was a slave you see, growing up was difficult for him. I don't hate him for what he did, it took a long time for me to let that go. What helped me was that in the end, the light and goodness I saw in him and that I fell in love with had come back. He was able to see his son and love him at least one time before dying. That was more than I could have ever asked for." We had come upon another flash of light, I was hoping all these memories would be over soon. The more we went through them, the more tired I was getting.

"I want to be with her grandmother. I want to... to make her happy. I... I think I love her..." The truth was I did love her, more than anything, but I was gone. How was I supposed to get back?

"You're not ready yet Ben. And neither is she. Now come on, just a few more memories left". And with that we stepped into yet another memory.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ch 11**

**Rey**

I couldn't sleep, I had a hard time eating, I always felt mentally exhausted.

It had been days since Padme had last visited. I was lonely, I was terribly upset, sad and ... empty.

Her last visit took us to a vision of the first time Ben had touched me. Not in a strange way, not in a way that could be used to manipulate me, but he was affectionate.

That memory broke any form of protection I had built in my heart. I hadn't seen it so clearly before, the light inside of him, how it really came to be.

It was never truly gone, just hidden by pain and loneliness, but our connection had strengthened the light in him and his parents even more so.

Why did he have to die in that way? Why did he have to leave me?

These thoughts plagued my mind night and day. I wasn't one to complain, I had learned to be grateful for what little joys I could have after spending a big part of my life on Jakku. And yet this one thing, losing him, had completely shattered my resolve.

I would replay many memories in my head and the most prominent was that of our only kiss.

I hadn't really thought I would ever find a mate, it wasn't something I prioritized as a scavenger. Losing him had brought on this other side of me I'd never seen before.

I cried myself to sleep every night since Padme left with this memory in my head. The way he held me more so... the way his eyes looked. They were filled with happiness and joy and a deep sadness. I felt anger rise within me at the thought of what I had lost.

In my burst of anger I had shattered a small vase on the nightstand next to my bed.

Eventually I was able to get up and gain some form of appetite. I made myself a ration and forced myself to eat.

I had been on Tatooine for almost a month now and hadn't had a chance to explore the nearby town or even the abandoned home I now inhabited.

I decided to start small and walk around the place after breakfast. The dining room was fairly small and there was dust everywhere. This place had been uninhabited for years.

I had always wondered about the Skywalker family, where they came from and the life they had lived. How it came to be a legendary name.

I was still dressed in a sleeping shirt when I stumbled upon a study room. Most of the house seemed to be underground, it certainly kept it cool during the scorching heat of daytime.

I walked in and the first thing that caught my eye was a desk and some ledgers that had been left open. A shelf sat next to it with books, volumes on Tatooine history, more ledgers and a chest beside it.

Upon opening it I discovered a few papers that piqued my interest, one being the slave ownership deed to a "Shmi Skywalker".

I continued to sort through the chest, most of it contained sale transactions of some sort, a marriage license, and a few birth certificates.

One of them belonging to Anakin Skywalker, Ben's grandfather.

The strangest thing on that paper was that a name hadn't been given for the father. Had Shmi been a rape victim? It was common for that to happen to any woman living on a slave planet, more so if she was the slave.

I decided to grab these documents and store them somewhere else, a better place where they would last longer than amongst the dust.

I hadn't owned many things on Jakku, now that I technically owned this house, I wasn't entirely sure what I should do.

I decided maybe it was time to clean up the place.

I knew the task would take a long time, so I started in the study and made my way towards the kitchen and the room I slept in.

Luckily the rooms were small, aside from the kitchen, but there was mostly dust and cobwebs. It seemed the previous owners had either left in a hurry or they may have been killed. Yet another possibility on a slave planet.

I decided to keep some of the ledgers to study them later, maybe I could become a moisture farmer for a while. Until I figured things out, I needed some form of a distraction.

Once I was done with the kitchen I realized it was getting darker outside. The cool air entered through the few windows around the house.

I made my way back to my room and decided to clean out the dressers and chests that lay against the wall by the bed.

I rummaged through some of them and found some clothes, they were very light in fabric, a few skirts and a pair of shoes. They were definitely for a younger woman based on the size and style.

I looked through another chest and found similar clothing, but the fabric was definitely more worn out and the pieces were longer. Whoever this was must have been of a statuesque figure.

And that's when I saw it, a vision of a woman with tan skin and dark hair pulled back into a bun. She had dark eyes and stood tall looking out towards the desert.

"Shmi... Shmi Skywalker..." I whispered to myself.

This chest was definitely staying here.

The dresser contained mostly men's clothing, tunics and pants. Some of them held medical supplies that I knew I would be grateful for later. And some held what looked like bracelets and a necklace of some red iron. One of the necklaces had a beautiful green stone at the end of it. I put it around my neck, looking in a small mirror and then put it back in the chest. I had never worn jewelry, it was strange to have something tied around me. I wasn't used to such luxury. There was another chest next to the dresses. It was definitely nicer than any of the other ones. It had red velvet fabric and a golden metallic trim.

It was strange, the chest hinted at being luxurious and there wasn't a lot of money to made on Tatooine unless you owned slaves, so where had this come from?

When I opened it, I found a beautiful wedding gown. I had never seen one before but it was quite obvious, even to me, it had beautiful and intricate lace and beading. There was a veil under it, it was like a hat, the veil hung from it with pearls and other jewels embedded in it.

I walked back to the mirror and stared at it. Part of me wanted to wear it, part of me was terrified of the wall coming down again. I didn't want to feel that... hole inside of me, gnawing to tear open at the smallest reminder of the feelings I held for Ben.

Yet I couldn't help myself.

I put the veil on and I had another vision.

I was looking at Padme in this wedding gown, standing on a balcony that stood out and overlooked the sunset over a beautiful lake. She held the hand of her lover and they leaned in for a kiss. It was tender, soft, but you could sense the deep love they felt for one another, and the fear masked behind it.

It was the day she became Mrs. Skywalker.

I blinked and the vision ended. I stood there looking into the mirror, I was stunned senseless to be honest.

However, it wasn't the wedding and the two lovers that caught my attention. In fact that particular part almost broke the dark whole inside me wide open.

Almost.

No, it had been the stunning scenery in front of them. The way the lake sparkled as the sun hit the surface. The beautiful green hills behind it, the flowers that hung from the ceiling of the balcony.

I wanted so much to find that place, I felt like it had called to me.

I didn't understand why, but I just knew I had to find a way there.

So, I decided to plan a trip, but I couldn't leave immediately. I still felt I had some things to take care of here. For one, this was the Skywalker home, I didn't want to leave it. I had become a part of it, it was the first real place I had ever called home.

I also needed to get some form of money to travel, sure I could fly myself on the small ship I brought from the resistance base, but I would need supplies and fuel at least.

I also wanted to try and restore the farming here, I needed to find that planet.

I needed to heal.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ch 12**

**Ben**

I was sitting in a metal chair; a medical droid was checking my bacta bandage from the wound Rey had given me.

I remembered it so clear, it was like all of a sudden everything around went quiet, there was a strange feeling of awareness. Like when someone's following or watching you.

I sat still through the Force and suddenly she was there.

I froze in shock, and I could sense the fear inside of her. And the rage... pure rage that could be channeled into...

And my thoughts ended there, she had picked up a blaster and shot me.

She hadn't actually hurt me, but it felt like she had.

Yet when I looked down, there was no wound, no blood, no death.

When I looked back up she was gone.

I stood up and ran, I could still sense her.

Was she on the ship? If she was, how had she gotten on without being detected?

Finally I found her and raised my hand towards her.

"You will bring Skywalker to me" I commanded her. She just stood there, confused and questioning my actions.

There was nothing, no response, to resolve to give into my demands on her part.

Frustrated I lowered my hand, realizing she wasn't on the ship, but we were being connected through the Force.

"You're not doing this; the effort alone would kill you" she continued to glare in my direction.

How was it that we could see each other?

I was intrigued by this turn of events. How was this even possible? What was stranger still was that she hadn't tried to attack me.

"Can you see my surroundings?"

"You're gonna pay for what you did!" She shouted back.

"I can't see yours" I said, a part of me became calm, curious. "Just you"

That seemed to cause some form of reaction. She hadn't physically done anything, her brow twitched slightly, but I could feel the turmoil inside of her. She was stunned, confused and scared at this situation, just like I was.

"So no. This is something else" I stated, her silence was beginning to annoy me.

That's when I heard it, a door had creaked open, but listening to it was like hearing it from underwater. She turned her head and I felt another presence, a light.

"Luke" I said and nodded, sure of my discovery of my uncle dropping in on our conversation.

That's where the connection ended and I stood there in the hallway. I had tried to activate it on my own many times after that, unsuccessfully. Our connection eventually became something odd, sometimes unwanted, sometimes much needed. The more we used it, the more we were able to open it ourselves.

The memory continued. Now I was staring through a window, overseeing the production of new droids.

Much like the first time, things and sounds began to mute around me.

I could feel her... her light was so warm, so... comforting. I turned around and she was there.

This time her eyes were weary, but there was something else behind them...

"Why is the Force connecting us? You and I"

"Murderous snake" she spat. She definitely had a fire in her. It wasn't the first time I'd seen it, yet the more I saw of her the more I was drawn to her, to her light. "It's too late. You lost. I found Skywalker" Her words triggered something inside of me, why couldn't she understand? How could I make her see the truth of who I was? What I had become?

"Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed the temple, did he tell you why?" I don't know what made me ask her those questions, but I hated a one sided story. I hated being blamed for everything and paying the price for the mistakes others had made.

"I know everything I need to know about you" her tone never wavered, each word cut like a knife through my soul.

"You do?" I asked, "Ah, you do" I had remembered that just as I had once searched her mind, she was able to search mine.

"You have that look in your eyes, from the forest. When you called me a monster" I told her.

She was angry, determined, there was that dark fire inside of her, hatred.

"You are a monster" she said

"Yes... I am" I said, wholeheartedly agreeing with her.

She seemed shocked at my agreement, her brow furrowed and her thoughts were racing. I had left her speechless.

The connection began to fade, I could feel it, and once it did I was left confused and with a handful of water from the mysterious world in which she resided.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ch 13**

**Rey**

I had managed to get some of the vaporators in the farm ready to work in the morning. I knew very little of moisture farming, BB8 had shown me all he knew from his small archives. It wasn't much, the little droid hadn't been around for too long.

He did help me fix the vaporators and do more research from what was in the small study of the house. It seemed moisture farming was better done in the early morning hours. An early start was something I was already used to, but with the recent events, my sleep had been... somewhat altered. I tossed and turned many nights, nightmares plagued me some nights. Others were memories from Jakku. The worst was always that last memory of being in his arms and kissing him.

Last night, the dream was different. It was another memory, one I had stored away because it was the first time I met Ben Solo. Yes, him and Kylo were one and the same, but this was the first time I saw the light, the conflict.

I had just come back from visiting that dark place on Ach To. I had been left lost, trying to find the answers about myself, about the past, about Ben. I found nothing.

I was still dazed from the meeting Kylo and I had just had, I saw him without a shirt on and I was taken aback. He was very well built, tall, his muscles showed clearly. I was uncomfortable, not because he was semi-nude but because I couldn't let myself admit that I found him attractive.

That same night the connection opened again and I told him my thoughts and how alone I felt.

He sat across from me, he seemed to be floating. We still couldn't see each other's surroundings.

"You are not alone" he said in a calm tone. It was strange seeing him this way.

"Neither are you" I responded "It isn't too late"

My words seemed to shake him, he was so close... so close to coming back. Why couldn't he see it? He wanted, but he couldn't forgive himself for what he'd already done.

I reached my hand out to him and he looked at it. I sensed his emotions. He was afraid, shocked, confused, hesitant.

But he wanted to take my hand. He removed his glove and slowly reached out to me. I felt butterflies in my stomach, knowing well aware this could be dangerous, but something told me to trust it.

It seemed like forever and a day passed between the time I held out my hand then moment out fingers made contact. The electric energy that passed between them was like a river of fire. I felt everything he felt, saw everything he'd ever seen, every thought he had was mine. And mine were his. And his future was bright, he was the answer to everything, to the Jedi surviving, to the end of the First Order... my purpose was clear then. I needed to help him. I knew the moment where Luke walked in would arrive soon.

It never did. Instead the memory froze on the image of us touching hands.

My mind began to focus, I knew I was dreaming, but what was happening?

I reached out with my mind and I felt it.

I felt him.

It was the connection, it was still alive and open.

I could feel him around me, his light surrounded me like the twin suns at noon.

_Ben.._. I called out with my mind.

_Rey..._I heard him say.

I smiled, a tear escaping the corner of my eye.

I kept searching but I couldn't find him anywhere.

_Where are you? Please don't leave.._.

_Rey... I love y-_

And that's when I woke up.

I sat up in my bed gasping for air. After a while I was able to calm down enough lay back down. I couldn't go back to sleep after that.

I tried for hours to meditate and find the connection again. Eventually I saw the sun rise through the windows, but I found nothing.

It had been so clear, like he was in the same room with me. I knew I hadn't imagined the connection, where in the galaxy could he be?

And then there were the words he had said to me...

He was cut off but they had been clear...

_Rey... I love you_

Those words rang in my ears and made my heart flutter. They weren't words I thought I would ever be accustomed to hearing.

Yet when they came from him they made me feel warm and the promised safety. I knew they were true even before he ever said them. I knew he loved me just as much as I loved him, and I needed him to come back...


	14. Chapter 14

**Ch 14**

**Ben**

I fell to dark ground below me, shocked at what had just happened.

I had just seen the memory of Rey and the first time our hands touched. It was the first time I'd had any physical contact with anyone willingly besides my parents. It wasn't a punishment and it wasn't forced. She had willingly reached out to me and I reciprocated.

And that was when everything around me froze.

The moment our hands touched I sensed it, the connection. It had opened again after what felt like ages. I could feel her all around me like an ocean breeze. So clear and refreshing.

_Ben..._. I heard her say, her voice bringing the calm after the storm.

_Rey.._. I called out to her. I wanted to find her and hold her and kiss her...

_Where are you? Please don't leave_...She begged. There was a hint of... panic in her voice. I couldn't understand why.

_Rey... I love y_\- and that's when it closed.

It shot me back into the darkness and I was left dazed and confused.

I lay there on the ground for a while, I wasn't sure what to do or what to think.

My grandmother came back and sat next to me.

"I sensed it too, no one else can be a part of your dyad, but, we can all feel it. Those of us that are one with the Force, and the Force sensitives. It's like a sun pulling all the planets with gravity. That's how you can get back to her, through your connection. You're so close Ben" she said and stroked the side of my face.

I sat up and hung my head, there was still something that bothered me.

"Grandmother... why me and her? I've committed so many wrongs, some so unforgivable, why would she ever pick me again?"

She sat on the ground and grew quiet for a minute, her mind obviously pensive.

"Well I don't know the answer to why. I know your grandfather often asks himself the same questions about us, our family. But there's one thing I've learned, the Force works in mysterious ways. I think you and her keep each other balanced. Your grandfather was born from the Force, from the light. And she comes from a dark lineage from her grandfather's side. That doesn't mean she's all dark and it doesn't mean you're all light, she brought the good in you and you made her feel comfortable in her darkness. You've both brought balance and you need each other. You have a greater purpose, but you have to be willing to forgive yourself and let the past go. If not you'll make the same mistakes and lose her. Is that what you want?" She was facing me and her voice nurturing yet firm. There was a political charm in everything she said. There was compassion in her words but there was unwavering strength behind them too.

"I don't want that... if I have another chance to be with her, I'll do anything to keep her by my side. I know she's my balance and I'm hers, I'm just not sure she'd forgive me if I do come back somehow"

She nodded, her face remained stoic, but her eyes betrayed her. There was worry there.

"I understand, but she has her own journey where she's at. She needs to be ready for the next step. If one of you isn't ready, you won't be able to go back when the time comes"

I nodded understandingly, she got up and motioned for me to follow her.

In the distance I could see light, but it was different, it wasn't like a concentrated area, it seemed to span across the infinite darkness.

Suddenly there was a field in front of us. Far more beautiful than any I'd ever seen across the galaxy.

The grass was green, and the trees were tall and there was flowers every where. Lilies from Naboo, blue blossoms, Hydra flowers...

in the distance I could see a large lake, the water was the deepest shade of blue I had ever seen.

"What is this place?" I asked in awe, it was so breathtaking that I was overwhelmed.

"It's the in between Ben... that's where you are. It's a place of rest for now, you need to take some time to really forgive yourself. To let everything go, it isn't just Rey you've hurt, there are others. And there's those who have hurt you..." she said.

I looked at her, her clothes had changed. She had on a blue gown with gold embroidery. Her hair was loose, her curls cascading down to her hips. There were white flowers in her hair, a necklace with a little wooden carving hung around her neck. She took off the necklace and stared at it for a while.

"This was carved by Anakin when he was a boy, he gave it to me so I could always remember him and have a piece of him with me. I treasured it above any other piece if jewelry I ever owned. It represented our love" she held it out for me to take "and now I give it to you. When the time comes, give it to her."

"Grandmother I couldn't-"

"Yes, you can" she said with a stubborn smile. I grinned back at her and took it, admiring the work and heart that radiated from the little wooden chip.

"She'll love it son, just as I love my angel" said a voice behind me. I turned around and saw my grandfather in his black Jedi robes. He walked towards my grandmother and wrapped his arm around her, his eyes never leaving her face.

His love was obvious, it was intoxicating.

"How will I know when I should give this to her?"

"You'll know..." she said.

They turned around and walked hand in hand towards the thickets of bushes.

I held the small trinket in my hands, letting the emotions and memories it once held envelop my mind.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ch 15**

**Rey**

It had been almost a month since the connection had opened up. At this point I thought I imagined it or perhaps it was something my subconscious made up in my dream.

But the way it felt when we were connected, it was real. Even in past dreams I'd had of Ben, it was nothing compared to how I felt when I was close to him, even physically.

The few times I'd been near him the energy in the room was intangible. It was overwhelming the first time I'd met him, and even every time after that.

You know that feeling you get when you first walk outside from a cold room, or when your feet touch the cold ocean for the first time? That's the closest I could ever come to describing it.

I had gotten the moisture farm working properly by now. I had even managed to make some small profit of it.

I had even made a new friend.

It was the woman I'd met upon my arrival, her name was Nat-Taikuni, but I just called her Nat.

She was a former slave and she would wander around Mos Eisley and Anchorhead in hopes of finding some scraps to eat.

I'd become quite fond of her, sure I had BB8 with me, but having living company was always welcomed to keep the crazy away.

"My sweet girl, how are you this morning?" She asked me as I got up from meditation.

"Good morning Nat, I'm doing alright. I had a rough night, but I'm managing. Ready for breakfast?" I asked with a hand out for her to hold.

She was definitely older, maybe late 60s, but she had a kindred spirit and she made me laugh. I had offered for her to stay here with me and she always refused saying she hated to feel bound to any one place now that she was free.

"Ah... troubled by that boy again? Tell me, have any new revelations come to you?"

We had made our way inside while the vaporators did their work. I served her the usual cup of caff and gave her a slice of bread I'd managed to bake a few days prior, thanks to an old recipe book I'd found.

I grabbed my own cup and sat across from her, my eyes falling on the table.

"Not exactly. The Force is definitely mysterious, something I'm still trying to figure out myself at times. I know I eventually have to go to Naboo, but I haven't gained enough profit to purchase enough fuel or supplies for when I leave. I thought coming here would bring some answers, instead I'm left with more questions"

She remained silent as she usually did, only nodding occasionally.

"Well for starters, Naboo is about less than a parsec away from here. Secondly, what answers were you looking for? Sometimes we start a journey not knowing where we are going, but we know our destination once we arrive."

Well at least now I knew I wouldn't need so much to get off this planet…but I was always surprised by her, her words always held wisdom, but I was always left confused when I first heard her.

"I'm not sure, I wanted to find something about the Skywalker's, some family history, I want to honor their legacy, I wanted to know where my adoptive family came from. It seems though that destiny has a different idea"

"Darling, we make our own destiny, yes yours is tied to the Force, but we always have a choice. What do you want, Rey Skywalker?"

I sat there for a minute contemplating her words. I thought I knew what I wanted, but everything had completely shifted since I arrived on Tatooine.

"I want... I want to go to Naboo. I want to find whatever's left of Ben... I want to be happy and to be able to live for myself for a moment." Some tears had slipped at the last sentence. It was true, I wanted to make my choices for myself. Not have to live for the Jedi or the Sith or the Resistance or anyone else. Just me.

"You know" I continued "I had that choice once and I didn't take it. It remember it as clear as if it had happened yesterday..."

I went on to tell her about the battle against Snoke. My mission had originally been to go and save Ben, it hadn't gone to plan.

I almost died that day, but he saved me, I never found out why, but the light shone through him in that moment.

"Once we were finished with the guards I saw his resolve, it wasn't towards the light, I realize now he wanted something new. He wanted me to join him, to forget everything light, dark, Jedi, Sith... and to start a new order. He had held his hand out to me and said please... I thought he had wanted us to rule the galaxy together, but he hadn't. I don't know how my judgement had become so clouded... I should have taken his hand" I said and my voice broke, sobs ripped through my body and I couldn't stop shaking. I felt a hand around me and realized Nat was trying to comfort me.

BB8 beeped sadly and rolled over to my side.

"Breathe child... just breathe... it's not your fault. You made a choice you believed was right at the time. Perhaps it was not the time for you and him to be together yet... he made his choice and you made yours"

I kept sobbing and she simply rubbed her hand up and down my arm.

That's when I felt it. The air around me was different.

And a small breeze whispered to me

_There's nothing to forgive..._


	16. Chapter 16

**Ch 16**

**Ben**

I don't know how much time passed between my last memory journey and whatever day today was. Time was insignificant in this in between. The days and nights seemed to blend into one. I had gotten more time to myself now than in all the years I was alive.

I had gotten opportunities to meditate and think on everything.

One memory in particular kept popping up in my head.

It was the day Rey and I fought against Snoke's guards following his death by my hand.

I remember feeling anger and hatred towards my Master. I felt those things before but at that time the emotions were almost overpowering.

Until recently I didn't understand why I felt so upset, but soon realized it was because I was terrified of losing Rey, and him threatening her didn't sit well with me. The more our bond opened up the more I felt like she was mine and that I needed to protect her.

It had taken everything in my self-control to not end his life sooner.

I knew if I did I would be putting her in far more danger.

His death was quick, and for a minute I felt free. But the hurt I felt from her refusing to join me took an eternity to heal and was something I used to push me into the darkness once she was gone.

Every time I replayed the memory I would feel like the world would crash around me when she refused to leave everything behind.

I didn't want to turn her, I didn't even want her to become Empress alongside with me or rule the galaxy or whatever.

I just wanted her by my side, I wanted to make things better, to not have everything be one way or the other.

Why couldn't she see that?

"Son... she's flawed. She's only human, she only saw the good and the bad. Things are more complicated, and she learned that" said my mother. Since I arrived in the field I would see her almost every day.

I dearly missed my mother, she was an amazing and remarkable woman, just like her mother.

In the in between, she was back to her younger self, the way I remembered her most, at least before I became Kylo Ren...

"Stop thinking about that, you still have to let go of that. I forgave you, your father forgave you. You turned back to us. Now it's time you go back for her" she said putting her arms around me.

"Mama... what if she refuses me again? I couldn't bear to feel that again. I had never felt so alone when she wouldn't take my hand"

I looked down at my hand, my mother caressed it and gave me a kiss on the top of my head.

We had been sitting down for what felt like hours just staring at the horizon.

"She won't turn you away, reach out, feel her. You doubt yourselves and your feelings for each other too much. Your father and I had our differences, but I always knew he loved me as much as I loved him"

I did as she said and reached out. I couldn't feel anything at first but suddenly there were dark tremors. Not angry ones, these were... sad. No they were beyond sadness, it came from feeling broken and alone.

"Mama... she's... she's upset..." I went deeper in her mind, what I found shocked me.

She felt guilt and remorse, she thought her refusal could have avoided my death.

"I made my choice, she made hers... I don't hate her, I never did, even if I was hurt... I… I understood"

"Deep down you did but... at first you were angry, you retaliated and attacked us. Now I'm not holding that against you, but there were so many things out of your control. You were still under the power of the dark side, you reacted the best way you could. If she wouldn't accept you, then you would destroy the thing that kept her from you."

"She thought I wanted us to destroy everything you worked for... I never wanted that. I didn't care... I wanted to start something better..."

And she hated herself for not realizing that sooner. Had I been standing her pain would have knocked me to the ground. I would have given anything to hold her in that moment, but I knew it was impossible. Instead I reached out and reassured her.

_There's nothing to forgive..._

And the connection closed once again. Every time it shut me out it felt like two magnets pushing against each other.

I only hoped she received my message.

"Mama... I'm ready to go back... I need your help"

She smiled and got up, I followed her lead and she took me by the hand. We walked for a few minutes in silence and suddenly we were at what I called a thicket of trees and bushes. Until now I had never realized there was a path hidden behind one of the taller bushes.

"Follow the path to a pool of water, when you're ready, simply reach out and you'll be taken back. Whatever you do, don't stray from the path, we aren't the only ones out here..." I looked towards the path, then back at my mother, but she was gone.

I knew no matter what happened now, I wouldn't see her again for a long time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ch 17**

**Rey**

Three more months had passed since I felt him. Every time I did I would cling to the feeling like a child to its mother. It wasn't all feelings of love, the reason I became so attached to him was because I had finally felt like I belonged somewhere. He had accepted me for who I was, he knew everything about me and still valued who I was.

I had decided to stay longer than needed, for one I wanted to keep some extra money just in case of emergencies. On the other hand, I felt bad for leaving Nat behind.

I had extended my offer to Nat for us to leave, which she refused saying it wasn't her trip to make.

I wished she would still come, it was nice to have at least one friend on this journey.

I set course for Naboo after 3 days of packing provisions. I would get fuel on the way out ofTatooine.

"BB8 set course for Naboo, I'm not sure where we'll be landing just yet but get us to their orbit for now"

Bb beeped happy to oblige my crazy command, and as he set the coordinates I decided to put some of the provision away.

I wasn't sure if I would return to the Skywalker homestead, or well the Lars'. I learned quite a lot in the short time I was here that the Lars' were Luke's aunt and uncle, Owen and Beru. They were his family by marriage, their father had married Shmi Skywalker, Anakin's mother and they took Luke in after Padmé died and Anakin fell to the dark side.

There wasn't much about Shmi that I could find out, she had been a slave and became pregnant with Anakin without having a husband. He was born from the Force, deemed the Chosen One by the Jedi.

"You should go to Varykino, it's where Anakin and I were married. You'd be surprised at what you'll find there with the Skywalker name attached to you" said the voice behind me.

I turned around as soon as she began speaking, happy to have a familiar being around

"I remember the vision from the dress... the beautiful lake right?"

She nodded and sat on a box that laid on the ground. Even sitting she held the poise and refinement of a Queen.

"My family owned the Lake Retreat. Since you're the last Skywalker... it belongs to you Rey. That's where your next step begins"

I was shocked and went completely silent. I had never owned anything, much less a massive estate like what I saw in Padme's wedding. The farm on Tatooine wasn't big either, how was I supposed to handle a mansion?

"Padme I can't accept it... I- How do I even claim that?"

"Tell them you're a Skywalker, no one will doubt it, it won't be long before well... you'll see. Everything will work out" She smiled at me then got up and walked away. I was still in shock about the few words she spoke but decided that that was a problem for later.

Naboo wasn't too far, maybe a days travel at most.

The nerves inside me were like a live wire, I wasn't sure what I should expect.

What would happen once I arrived to Varykino?

Upon arriving I was stunned. The planet was green and blue everywhere, it was so beautiful.

We arrived in Theed the following afternoon. Upon arrival I asked for directions on how to get to Varykino and soon after, Bb and I made our way over. The city was stunning, with marble buildings everywhere and the green forests and blue lakes surrounding every part of it.

It was near dinner time when we arrived, and the sight of the estate was overwhelming to say the least.

It lay on the edge of a hill with its domed ceilings matching the color of the sky.

It overlooked the beautiful blue lake and was made of white marble, it seemed like a castle from a fairy tale, a place fit for a princess.

What was an orphan from Jakku supposed to do here?

I had to land in the private hangar across the lake, the only way to get there was by a small speeder boat from what I could tell.

BB and I got off the ship and made our way to the small dock where a young man greeted us.

"Good morning miss, how may I be of service to you?" He was wearing a simple hat to cover his head from the sun, but his clothes hinted at being expensive, even if the style the portrayed was more on the relaxed and casual side.

"My name is... Rey Skywalker, um... I was told to come Naboo, should anything happen to him. I was adopted by Luke Skywalker a couple of years back."

The man stared at me, I think he was trying to determine whether I was lying or not but who would contradict him? Luke was dead.

"I know it sounds crazy, but here I also have this... I retrieved it from his old home on Tatooine..."

I reached into my satchel and pulled out Padmé's wedding veil, he was far too young to have ever met her, but upon laying his eyes on it he nodded and let me get on the boat"

I had learned through meditation, as well as visits from Padmé of course, that some of her clothes had been sent to Luke and some to Leia as a heritage. Some of her outfits had of course stayed on Naboo, but her family thought it would be appropriate for them to have. The children never received the items for fear someone would recognize them, especially in Leia's world where her mother had once been popular.

Once we crossed the lake, the estate was far more intimidating up close. The dock had a set of marble stairs that led to a balcony where a young woman stood.

"Good Afternoon Miss... how can we help you?"

I was about to answer but the man next to me spoke up.

"She is a Skywalker, Luke adopted her. I assume she also fought for the Resistance, this is her home. Welcome, Miss Skywalker"

"Oh no... please just call me Rey."

The young woman just looked at me and nodded her head.

"My name is Saige Tien, my grandfather was Paddy Accu, he used to be the caretaker of the estate when Queen Amidala resided here... I'm sure you've heard of her no doubt?"

They seemed apprehensive and wary of me, but this was just as unexpected to me, I couldn't really blame them.

"Yes I have heard of her, she was very wise and just as beautiful. I showed him the veil she wore on her wedding, it was a family heirloom from Luke."

She simply nodded and continued "Whatever happened to Master Luke? And Mistress Leia? They both came to visit the estate a few times, Leia most of all"

"They've both passed on unfortunately. Leia died soon after her son... and Luke died a few months before that. They were amazing people and I was very grateful they took me in as part of their family"

It was difficult to try and rein in those emotions I felt over the loss of Luke and Leia. It was like watching my parents leave all over again.

"Well please come in, dinner shall be ready for you in a few moments Miss Rey. We'll also give you a tour of the estate as soon as you're done. Rami, will you get her things please?" She said to the man behind me. I followed her up the stairs, BB8 rolling next to me, and my heart left behind on Tatooine.


	18. Chapter 18

**Ch 18**

**Rey**

There weren't a lot of people on the estate from what I had seen, it was very quiet, it was disturbing.

Eventually, Saige told me they had very few people working the grounds on Leia's orders. They valued discretion above everything else, but there wasn't anyone living there permanently either so extra staff wasn't really a necessity. What I also noticed was how, even though they were servants, they were dressed exceptionally well. I had never worried about what I looked like or what I wore, but being here, it seemed that looks were a constant reminder to other of who you were.

"Miss Rey, the master bedroom is prepared for your stay, we make sure it stays that way in case of unexpected arrivals. I'm sure you've had a long journey, I can bring dinner to your room if you'd like?"

"Um... sure yes that's fine Saige... I don't want to be a bother for any of you. Thank you" she nodded and left me in front of a massive red and gold door. I could face the Emperor, I could fight a dozen squadrons of droids and stormtroopers, I could help Ben be redeemed. Being considered some form of royalty was... not anywhere near my comfort zone. I felt like an intruder, why did I think being a Skywalker was a smart choice?

"Okay BB, let's get this over with," I sighed. Bb beeped at me and I pushed the door open. The room was massive, probably bigger than the entire Lars homestead. It held a canopy bed with white and gold bed sheets and a mountain of pillows. There was a fireplace and sitting area for tea. There was a set of French doors that led out to a balcony and I could see a glimpse of the lake past that. There were two other doors on either side of where the bed stood.

The first led to a fresher with a white alabaster bathtub and golden faucet. The sink matched it and behind the tub was another massive window that also faced the lake.

I walked towards out and went back towards the second door, terrified of what was behind it, but I might as well get it all over with now.

This room was the most shocking of all. It was a walk in closet with mirrors that covered one wall from top to bottom. There were 2 endless racks of clothing and one wall dedicated to shoes.

"Those belonged to Mistress Leia, and some to her mother, Queen Amidala." I heard Saige say behind me, her voice had startled me, something not easily done, but I had been quite distracted.

"Saige this is very overwhelming... how do you manage this place?"

She smiled at my praise

"The estate doesn't ask for much management, some of the rooms are only cleaned once every other week. We don't get very many visitors like you would expect. I can show later or uh... tomorrow perhaps may be best". Exhaustion must have clearly shown on my face because I nodded and she understood.

"I can draw your bath for you while you eat dinner and set out some clothes to sleep in. I uh... don't assume you brought much with you..." she wasn't entirely wrong, I had only brought one extra change of clothes and the chest with Padmé's clothing. I was still wearing my pants and white tunic, I wasn't ashamed of it but perhaps it would be best if I tried to fit in for the time I was here.

"Saige, you don't have to do everything for me... I don't mean to offend but well... you see as I mentioned I was adopted. I was left to fend for myself at a very young age on Jakku. I'm not used to being waited on..."

"Miss Rey... I understand but this is the way here. We were all brought up to serve your family, not just because it's our job, but because we all love the family you've come from. I understand being here will take some time getting acquainted with and I'll help you. Naboo is known as the best of what's left of the Old Republic" I smiled and nodded at her and she went back outside. Soon I heard the water start to run in the bathroom and I let out a sigh.

I had officially bitten off more than I could chew, I didn't even know why I was supposed to be here.

I became rather frustrated and annoyed at having come here. I ate my dinner in silence and Saige soon informed me my bath was ready and that she would be back to gather my plate and leave a nightgown for me to wear. I thanked her and told her I would probably try to sleep early, claiming I was tired from my trip. BB8 was out exploring, I had told the little droid to just be careful and not get into trouble.

I sat in the bathtub until my fingers started pruning. I was trying hard to relax but I still felt frustrated.

Why was I here? Just because the Force said so?

"There is most certainly a reason for you to be here Rey, why don't you try to enjoy your stay while you're at it?" Said a woman's voice. It had definitely startled me since I'd been lost in thought, but soon realized it was Padme again.

She was wearing a blue dress with gold trim and her hair was down. White flowers were pinned through her cascading curls.

"It doesn't really seem that way... this place is massive. I'm not used to living with luxury."

She giggled and sat on the ground next to the tub before continuing.

"Ani was the same way... but he became more accustomed to my way of life as our marriage progressed. Maybe once you get past all the grandeur you'll see why I chose to have this as my safe haven when I was a senator. It's truly beautiful, just give yourself some time Rey. I'll come check in on you soon" and with that she got up and walked out of the room, leaving me more frustrated than before she arrived.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ch 19**

**Ben**

I had followed the path for what felt like an eternity. There wasn't much to look at really, anything past the bushes and trees lining the path was just dark.

I would take breaks every couple of hours or so. I could hear some forms of life scurrying through the bushes, every now and then the call of a bird.

I was surprised to hear things other than people be part of the in between, but everything was a part of the Force and the Force was a part of everything.

After a while I noticed it started to get quieter and quieter, eventually the only sound I could hear was the sound of my feet on the ground.

The silence was very unnerving, it sent chills down my spine and made the hair on the back of my neck stand.

_Ben Solo..._

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around.

There was no one around at all.

I had no way to defend myself, sure I could do hand to hand combat, but in a dangerous situation that could only get me so far.

I kept walking but I opened myself up to the Force around me and kept my guard up. It wasn't long before I felt it. The Darkness was near, I could feel it like a cold slime covering every part of my soul.

_Ben... don't you miss us? The power... the strength... don't you miss knowing you mattered?_

The words kept repeating over and over in my head. I grabbed at my temples in frustration, I couldn't take how overwhelming the call of the darkness was.

And then suddenly it stopped.

The darkness was gone.

I looked up and there was something that looked like a screen.

It was like seeing through a fogged window, but there were people on the other side of it.

A young girl with soft brown wavy hair was sitting on what looked to be a huge canopy bed.

She wrapped her arms around her knees and I could see her shaking.

After a few moments I could hear some sound, but everything was muffled.

She was crying.

_Ben... I miss you..._

Said the girl. It was Rey.

I ran towards the screen and pounded against it but it was no use, she couldn't see or hear me.

The image cleared up and she looked beautiful.

Her hair was completely down, it wasn't pulled back or in her usual three buns. She was wearing a light blue, long nightgown with a thin white silk chiffon robe over it. The gown hugged her curves beautiful and gave a beautiful contrast against her dark hair.

She looked like a princess... like an angel.

I fell to my knees at the vision of her in front of me. Even crying she looked like a vision from heaven, one I would do anything to be able to hold again.

Suddenly her head snapped up and her eyes bore straight into mine. Her face switched from sadness to... fear? Shock? I couldn't place the feeling exactly, but I could see she seemed confused.

_Ben...?_She said and began to get up, and that's when the screen disappeared. It was like it had never been there, I was left in silence once again. I was already on the ground, and having her so close and to not be able to go to her and comfort her had shattered what was left of my heart.

What was the point of this stupid journey? How was I ever going to go back to her?

Nothing was clear.

I lay on the ground for an eternity and felt my body shake with deep sobs.

Never in my life had I experienced such a hopeless circumstance. Never had I loved someone unconditionally and then had them taken away so abruptly.

I became furious and felt the darkness around me one again.

I wanted to call it, I wanted to give in...

I was already dead, what would be the worst that could happen?


	20. Chapter 20

**Ch 20**

**Rey**

I was left frozen at what had just happened. Had I really seen him? It wasn't a clear image.

He was on his knees looking at me, it was just a second. Any other person would have dismissed it as a hallucination or something else.

But he had been in the room... right?

Maybe I was going crazy after all.

I ran my hands through my hair, noticing it was quite long now. Down to the middle of my back at least. Normally I kept it short but it seemed I had been more preoccupied by other things, it didn't seem to matter now.

My nerves were left on edge, I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. There was a small digital clock on the nightstand next to me, it was only 2 in the morning by standard hours.

I got out of bed and walked towards the set of French doors, thinking some fresh air might help me calm down a little bit. I opened one door slightly and a cold breeze hit me, it was a lot colder than I thought and this strangely thin fabric wouldn't help. The nightgown ensemble Saige had given me was... not anywhere near my comfort zone, but it was all she had, frilly fabrics and girly colors. I was accustomed to sleeping in clothes I wore daily. However, I would also be lying if I said I wasn't comfortable. I just wasn't used to dressing like... a young woman normally would. Maybe it was something I would get used to eventually.

I walked back towards the room to find something a little warmer to wear while I was outside. That's when I noticed the trunk I had brought with me from Tatooine. An idea popped into my head, one I was a little embarrassed about.

I opened it and sure enough, at the bottom was his cape... I had found it in the TIE fighter he'd flown to get to Exegol and decided to keep it. It was the only thing I had left of him. I wrapped it around myself and went back outside. The moon shone beautifully against the waves on the lake and the breeze was fresh and crisp. The balcony had a small sitting area where I decided to try and relax.

I couldn't get over how beautiful the landscape of Naboo was, it was no wonder Padme had chosen this as her haven and retreat.

Sometime between that and the fleeting thoughts of seeing Ben I must have fallen asleep, when I opened my eyes it was very bright and I was a little too warm from having slept in a black, thick cape.

I got up and stretched and went back inside the room. I glanced at the clock and it read at midday.

I must have been exhausted, I wasn't one to normally sleep in.

I heard a knock on the door at that moment and unsure of what to I ran over and opened it.

"Miss Rey! I'm sorry if I woke you, I was coming to see if you would like breakfast. I came earlier and received no response and left you to rest..." said Saige in a slightly worried tone.

"Um… yes I was asleep… I'm sorry Saige I'm still getting used to all this... um… breakfast would be lovely. Thank you" she nodded understandingly and returned after a few minutes with a tray full of food. The amount of food she brought on Jakku would have lasted me at least a month.

"Thank you Saige really this is too much... I don't know how I could ever repay you for your hospitality" I said as I sat down and tried to pick at the food she'd set in front of me.

"Well... this is your home now. We are here to serve you Miss Rey. Now I do have a small tour of the grounds set up today if you'd like. I do also have to go into town to get more food as well if you'd like to join me, it might be nice to be acquainted with the city" she replied with a smile and walked towards the massive closet. Saige was very beautiful, she had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Her skin was pale and she had a face full of freckles. She was very thin but tall. She reminded of a graceful willow tree I'd seen on Ach-To once.

While I was finishing up breakfast she finally came out of the closet with what I assumed was a dress. It seemed too dressy for just going to the city and voiced this to her, she simply replied with

"Have you seen the population of Naboo? Every outing is a celebration!" I had no idea what she meant. On the hangar, the dress looked very flowy and harmless, something I could be comfortable in. Once I put it on and saw myself in the mirror I was dead wrong, sort of.

The dress was a greyish blue fabric, the color of rain clouds and it covered my chest but had a very deep v. It had Several cut outs on the side which exposed my bare hips a diamond cut out right above my navel. The cut outs had a beautiful blue and silver trim. It had no real sleeves, instead it had something like a cape attached to the shoulders and covered my arms. The fabric was light as air and when I moved it resembled the rush of water down a river. It was beautiful but... I seemed too out of place in a dress like that.

"Um Saige... isn't there something else I could wear? I'm not used to wearing stuff like this... in fact last night was the first time I ever wore something... feminine" I confessed as she brushed my hair.

"I understand Miss Rey... but... I think you should look at it as... a gift from life. I can see in your eyes there's been loss and hurt. I think this is life's reward for saving the galaxy. And may I add that you are a very beautiful girl, you remind me of Leia's mother. Or at least the paintings and statues I've seen of her. We should go visit the palace perhaps, her mausoleum is close by. It could be distracting to see our planets history."

I smiled and nodded. I looked in the mirror but I couldn't really understand what she meant. I had never thought of myself as beautiful, save for... one occasion...

It was after a long training session with Leia after the battle of Crait.

I had just showered, the sweat and dirt of the day washing off my body, the heat of the water relaxing my muscles.

Leia had given me a sleeping shirt, nothing like nightgown I had on Naboo now, but while we were at the base it would do.

I would comb my hair out with my fingers as best as I could and let it air dry. I went to bed early that night, the days training had worn me out more than usual, but in the middle of the night I had woken up having to use the fresher. When I came back out I nearly screamed.

Ben was sitting up, he was wearing sleeping pants but no shirt. His hair was a little messy and his eyes were slightly bloodshot. It seemed I wasn't the only one inconvenienced by our meetings.

"I hope we are able to eventually control this connection... I'd like to get a full nights sleep without having to worry about you popping in unintentionally" I told him.

He winced at my comment, I could tell it had somewhat hurt him. I didn't care at the time, I was tired, a little cold and uncomfortable. No one had really seen me in sleeping clothes except for maybe Rose. I suddenly began to feel self-conscious about the fact that my sleeping shirt only covered down to the important bits.

"Well it's not like you don't enjoy the sight Rey, I'm very aware of how... uneasy my state of dress has an affect on you" he said, I think that was his version of a joke.

"What?! No I- you're ridiculous! And you need to leave I'm trying to get some sleep" I said as I stormed to my bed, I got under the covers and stared at him.

"It's fine to admit that I have... an affect on you. I'm sure you've noticed the feeling is... mutual" he said with softer words. It wasn't a tone I was used to him using, but it was one that always sent my heart fluttering.

Then the words he said hit me, their meaning gaining new weight.

"You... you think I'm attractive…?" I said, thankful that the room was dark enough to not show my cheeks turning bright red.

"Well yes, I'm not blind Rey. Me being on the dark side has not made me immune to passion and attraction. We draw from feeling, we don't shut it down the way you Jedi do" he spat, his comment was backhanded, as most were, but a part of me wondered...

"Look, I've... never seen a man in that way or... or even shirtless before you. It's not something I'm necessarily thrilled about and me finding you attractive doesn't change anything" we continued to stare at each other in silence after that for what felt like hours, in reality it had been but a few seconds.

"I... couldn't sleep" he finally said "would it be... strange if I slept next to you? Your presence is oddly soothing."

His request had rendered me speechless. If I hadn't seen a man naked, I definitely had _NOT_slept with one.

"I... er... I don't know... I-"

"It's fine if you don't want that. I won't force you to accept it." He said interrupting me mid sentence.

I opened up my thoughts to his, and he did the same. He sensed my embarrassment and nerves and I felt his amusement at my bewildered state.

I felt his fear, his sadness and loneliness... he didn't want to be alone in the dark. My heart felt for him.

_*sigh*_"Alright... you can come sleep next to me, just walk straight and I'll tell you where to sit and lay down." He got up from wherever it is he was and he walked towards me. I instructed him to sit after about 10 steps and he laid down next to me.

My bed wasn't very big, it was definitely a tight fit and he was massive in size compared to me. I slid down and faced the wall next to the bed. As strange as this situation was, I wasn't really uncomfortable, it was just extremely intimate.

The thoughts that kept running in my head however, wasn't of what was going on, but the fact he found me attractive. No man that I had ever met had really called me pretty. Sure, men looked at me with… other intents, but when he did it… it sent shivers down my spine. My head spun at the idea of him finding anything pleasant, let alone a person.

I felt his body relax behind me, his breathing had become even and I turned around slowly so as to not wake him up.

In his sleeping form, his usually angry face was relaxed, and the way his hair fell was rather adorable. I hated to admit it, but he was definitely attractive, and I could feel his breath on my face. His lips were so close I could just...

I blinked my eyes a few times and sighed in frustration. The small noise made him stir in his sleep and all of a sudden I was trapped under the weight of his arm.

I panicked and froze. Should I move him? Should I leave him alone? Should I wake him up?

A million thoughts raced through my head at once. I was exhausted and it was getting to me so I decided to leave it alone. I hated to admit that I actually enjoyed being close like this with him. It was such a normal state of being. There was no fight, no Force, no Jedi or Sith or First Order or whatever. It was just us in each other's arms, the way it felt it was meant to be.


	21. Chapter 21

**Ch 21**

**Ben**

I wanted to give in to the darkness again, I was so close to it. It kept calling to me in whispers, promising me everything I ever wanted.

Power, the right to make my own choices, to never be someone's second choice.

The thoughts were conflicting, what was I supposed to do?

Then it happened again, the connection opened up. I couldn't really see her, it was something else.

It was a memory she was having, the memory of the night I slept with her.

Not _with_her in that way, we had just shared a bed. I had somehow ended up holding her against my body. Her bed was small, I couldn't see it, but I could feel it the moment I laid down. My feet hung over the edge significantly.

I don't know why I asked her if I could stay, I know I had a difficult time sleeping that night but the actual asking, I wasn't sure what came over me. It wasn't something I had thought through before I asked it, but her presence was always very soothing to me, I didn't want to leave. I was too involved now.

I remember waking up the next morning and still being next to her. It was odd, the connection had stayed open the entire night it seemed, it was the longest time I'd ever spent with her, conscious or otherwise.

I was shocked at the state we were in. Our legs intertwined and my arm holding her against myself. She was nestled in the crook of my arm and her hand rested on my chest. Seeing her sleeping like that, her face relaxed and her hair slightly tousled, had brought a smile to my face.

She was so beautiful and kind and pure hearted.

I envied her, she forgave and loved so easily. She had hope, something I had lost a long time ago.

I drew from her light every chance I got. It was so... refreshing.

The memory stirred something inside me, it was the love I had for her but there was more to it than that. It was a desire to have her and our connection again. Ever since I died I had never felt more alone.

I felt like I was no one, but with her, as long as she would have me, I was completely content. I didn't need anything else, just her.

I guess that's how I reached my decision because I kept walking on the path I first set foot on.

I kept my head down and tried to ignore the call of the darkness as much as I could. Sometimes my mind would wander and I would find myself considering going back to it, but my memories of her and her light were what kept me going.

Eventually the path stopped, there was nothing in front of me, and I wondered if I had missed a turn or gone the wrong way but when I turned around everything was gone. There was nothing but a white endless canvas of nothing around me.

"Great... all this for nothing?" I sighed in frustration and sat down.

I decided to try and meditate, it wasn't something I was particularly good at, I could never get myself calm enough to truly connect to the Force in that way.

It was easier here somehow, I felt completely at peace and I let the Force take me. It engulfed me like a wave in the ocean and its light covered me. There was darkness there too, but there was a balance. Yes, I had made mistakes, I had been redeemed, I was still only human. I didn't have to be in control all the time and I didn't have to be perfect. I just needed to be myself and love who I was, both the dark and light aspects of it.

I opened my eyes and suddenly there was a pool of water in front of me. It was small and didn't appear to be very deep but it held an almost sapphire color. It was so still that I couldn't help but reach out and touch it.

The ripples brought with them an image of a girl in a grey/blue dress, the color of rain clouds.

Her hair was a high bun, a few soft tendrils framed her face.

It was Rey.

I tried to open the connection but it was like something was blocking me from doing anything.

I kept watching the scene in front of me unfold.

She held a single lily in her hands as she walked up some concrete steps towards a massive wooden door with iron hinges.

Seeing her walk up the stairs was hypnotizing, she was so graceful. Not that I was surprised, the few times we had battled together I had seen and experienced it first hand. Every move she made was like a dance.

But seeing her in this beautiful gown made mewish we could have met differently, made me wish I would have stayed as the son of Princess Leia and made her my Queen. She deserved whatever life had brought her to wear that beautiful gown.

I watched her open the door and it was evident and clear where she was.

My grandmother's mausoleum.

There was a massive stained-glass window on the opposite side, her tomb was laid in front of it with a single decorated emblem on top and her name.

Rey stood there staring, she was mumbling some words but I couldn't hear her, I could only watch.

She walked closer to the window and she lay the flower on top of the tomb, her hand caressing the rough stone.

She turned back towards the stained glass window and continued to talk, it was frustrating not knowing what she was saying or feeling, but the look in her eyes was sad.

As if on queue, she started to cry, only a few tears here and there, but it was obvious she felt grief.

She stood there silently for a few minutes and then slowly made her way towards the door. Her hand reached up to wipe her few leftover tears and how I wished I was there to hold her and make her feel safe.

Next to the door, I noticed there was what looked like a bird feeder, full of water. It was very intricate and beautiful, even though it as made of concrete.

Suddenly I was looking up at her, she had caught a glimpse of the water and I felt it, the connection was opened.

She stared at me, and her hand began to reach out to the water.

_Ben..._. she whispered

I reached out with my hand, hoping to feel her, and as soon as my finger tips touched the water, everything went black.


	22. Chapter 22

**Ch 22**

**Rey**

As we finished shopping for groceries on the market, I kept getting this strange feeling that something was coming. I couldn't tell if it was good or bad... but something was close.

It kept me on edge the whole time we were in Theed, right until we arrived at the mausoleum. Padmé had been the only person to have one on Naboo, tradition was broken for the planet's most beloved Queen and senator.

It was a tall building with streets leading up to a massive wooden door held on iron hinges. Even the door handles were intricate and ornate with iron leaves.

I decided to bring her a lily, one of Naboo's many flowers, and the one's she had in her hair when she was buried as I came to find out.

I opened the door and it was strangely cold and empty. Not what the real Padmé was like, or what I'd come to know of her as a ghost.

Her tomb laid bare in front of me, a simple emblem at the place where her head would be and her name. Behind that there was a beautiful stained glass window with an image of her in one of her many gowns, her eyes were closed.

I stood there for a while thinking she would appear to me.

"So this is your final resting place... I only wish I would have met you in person. In flesh and blood..." I said as I made my way towards the window, caressing the top of the tomb as I moved.

I looked up and realized the window was much larger, the detail in it was breathtaking, but I couldn't enjoy it.

"I wish... I had something like this for Ben... I wish there was a place I could visit and at least feel him" my voice started to break, I hated crying, but I couldn't hold myself...

"I wish... sometimes I wish I'd never helped Finn... then I wouldn't have left Jakku and I wouldn't have met him and this... I wouldn't be here mourning over nothing. Because that's all that's left of him... it's nothing. He exists only in my memories". At this point, you can imagine I had lost all composure. It wasn't a dramatic cry where I fell and wept, it was calm and slow like the morning dew.

"I'm so tired of this... why couldn't you just come with me? Then we could be together now... please... I can't bear not being with you anymore..." I stood silently for a moment, letting as much of my grief out as I could. When I managed to calm down, I began to make my way back towards the door. I reached my hand up to wipe the few tears that were left and noticed that there was a small concrete basin by the door. It was shaped like a bird feeder and I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before. It had a small pool of water inside, perhaps it was to be used for a blessing of some sorts.

Maybe she just really liked water.

I didn't know but suddenly the water look strange.

There was a reflection in it, but it wasn't my own.

The harder I stared the clearer it got, first the dark eyes and then the nose and lips and dark hair...

"Ben..." I said in shock as I reached out with my hand. Maybe this time it was real. Maybe...

He reached out his hand too and as my fingers touched the water, everything went black.

When I woke up I was no longer at the mausoleum. It was brighter than I remembered and my head was pounding.

My hair was out of its neat bun which I was thankful for, knowing it wouldn't have helped.

"Miss Rey! Are you alright? You've been unconscious for almost 4 hours..."

I blinked a few times and realized I was back in my room on Varykino. The last time I remember feeling somewhat close to this was when Kylo took me back to his ship when we first met and I had woken up from him putting me to sleep with the Force.

But this time it felt heavier, my body was sore and I felt like I could sleep for the next year.

"Saige... wh-what happened?" I asked as I rubbed the side of my head, it felt a little tender.

"Well you went into the mausoleum but after about 30 minutes I got worried. I went to check in on you and found you on the ground. There was a small stone basin on the ground and there was water on the ground. I was afraid you'd hit your head and called for help. What happened to you?"

I shook my head, it seemed I had hit it on the ground at least. The shaking made me feel disoriented and my vision was a little blurred.

"Um... I was trying to touch the water and I thought... I thought I saw something but suddenly everything went black… I... Saige there's a lot you don't know about me. I think it's making me crazy" I answered, she might think I'm crazy but how could I tell her everything that happened with Ben?

"Rey, if I may, you haven't been completely honest with us. We trust you... but you haven't trusted us, or me for that matter, since you arrived on Varykino. Misery loves company, if you don't release the... pain that's so evident in your eyes, you'll make everyone around you just as miserable."

I nodded at her, knowing she was right. So, I told her my story.

Leia, the Emperor, Ben... I left nothing out. She had toldme she'd seen Ben as a child when they would visit the retreat. She remembered him as a sweet boy who always managed to get into some kind of trouble, but his parents loved him.

I poured all this out to her, hoping that this would mean it would all end soon, and I could finally be free of the loneliness I could never seem to escape from.


	23. Chapter 23

**Ch 23**

**Ben **

When I woke up I thought I was back in the in between. There was lush greenery everywhere, the call of different birds all around me. The difference here was that there was a blue and orange sky that seemed to stretch forever.

I felt the pounding in my head again and realized the ground beneath me was strange. It was hard but grainy and kind of warm from facing the sun all day.

I was eventually able to gain control of my limbs and sat up slowly. The pounding in my head eventually subsided and I looked around. This place felt familiar, but the actual location of where I was, was an absolute mystery.

I stood up slowly and carefully, not wanting to agitate the headache any further.

I looked down and realized I had been lying on the shore of a lake. There was sand all over me and the sun had just set, rays of gold and orange hit the navy-blue sky and the stars began to come out one by one from the horizon.

I wasn't sure of what was going on, was I really back? Or was I dreaming?

If it was the latter I hoped I never had to wake up, I prayed I could sleep for eternity if it meant living again.

I decided to walk towards... well I'm not sure, but I started walking along the shore. The darker it got the more the temperature dropped and I started to get cold, my cape would definitely be appreciated right about now.

After about an hour or so of walking I started to see the shore was curving, and across it was a large familiar structure. One I'd visited as a child.

I was on Naboo at the Lake Retreat on Varykino.

The closer I looked the more that different memories began to pop in my head. The few vacations my parents and I took, swimming at the lake with mom and letting the sun dry us as we lay in the sand. The many shooting and flying lessons I had with my father.

I could swim across the lake without a problem, the entire swim would only take about 10-20 minutes, it was something I was accustomed to.

My biggest issue was the water temperature. During the day the water was very refreshing, but at night Naboo could prove to be a very cold planet, the water would be near freezing.

I decided in that moment to walk back towards the forest, maybe I could find some driftwood or a hollow tree to use as shelter for the night, or at least to build a fire. I could sense all around me that the weather would soon be colder, winter was approaching on Naboo.

I managed to find a few small pieces of wood and I carried them back to the shore. one thing my mother taught me, was how to survive in the wild. She was a very smart woman, she could bring hope and a meal out of any situation. I was very grateful in that moment for her all she taught me.

I started the fire with two small dry stones and the wood I found and sat back down to try and warm my hands at least. There was a slight breeze and suddenly there it was.

The connection.

I was still on the beach but now I could see her laying down.

She was asleep so she didn't know I was there.

Having her so close, I knew I was back. Truly back and alive. I knew it because the connection now felt just like it did before I was gone. It felt like I was whole, like I was seeing the sun for the first time. I walked closer to her and moved some of the hair from her face, carefully as to not wake her.

She stirred a little bit but didn't wake. She was so beautiful.

I knew she was close, I connected to her mind and searched for where she could be.

Two things surprised me, one was the fact that she was on Varykino under the pretense that she was Rey Skywalker.

The second was how devastatingly... heartbroken she had been over my death.

I began to cry, my heart shattering with hers.

The thing about our connection is that no thoughts or emotions were hidden from the other. We were completely vulnerable. Being alive and experiencing that again was a little shocking.

It was an unwelcome feeling at first, but eventually it was comforting to have someone know me for who I really was and still love me, still accept me and still help me out of the dark void I was in.

I would never take her for granted again.

She began to stir and at that moment the connection closed. I looked towards the manor and knew that I had to somehow get to her, no matter what it cost me, I had to try.


	24. Chapter 24

**Ch 24**

**Rey**

After talking to Saige, I felt completely exhausted, the same way I did after the events on Exegol.

Saige knew I was tired and drew me a bath and let me get ready for bed on my own, leaving a nightgown out on the bed for me.

I couldn't stop thinking about seeing Ben in the water at the mausoleum, it felt so real.

And why had I lost consciousness afterwards? Everything was so strange.

I decided to try and meditate for a while after my bath but I wasn't able to find anything, although, I was a bit more relaxed.

I was thankful for the gown Saige had left me tonight, the slip was an ivory fabric, similar to organza. The hem has some gold stitch details and it went with a beautiful burgundy robe with identical gold trim. The robe was a lot warmer than the other nightgown I had used, apparently winter on Naboo was approaching and it would be getting colder.

I didn't want to sleep under the cover and instead dragged a pillow and Ben's cape to the couch in front of the fire place.

I'd had a chill all day and was hoping I wasn't getting sick, maybe it was just my nerves.

I'd managed to fall asleep rather quickly, when I woke up again it was still dark. After glancing at the clock I saw it was just after midnight. I was ready to move to the bed but noticed the French doors were open, I couldn't remember leaving them open before falling asleep.

Something told me I needed to go outside, so I grabbed my saber from under the bed where I kept it hidden and carefully made my way outside.

The Force hadn't alerted me of any immediate danger but something or someone was waiting for me.

Once I was on the balcony I noticed no one was outside but what caught my eye was that the small island across the way from the lake there was a light from a fire on the shore.

As far as I knew no one lived on that island, maybe someone was in trouble.

I felt my instincts tell me to go across, to make my way there because there was someone who needed me.

I was getting ready to walk out of the room when I saw his cape on ground. It was strange but I had a feeling I would need to bring it with me.

No one in the estate was awake thankfully, so I went outside and got on the boat. I didn't want to wake anyone so I used Rami's rowing stick to push myself far enough out before starting the engine. It wasn't a fast boat, I think the motor was on it more for the sake of an emergency than anything.

The closer I got to the island the more anxious I grew, so I reached out with the Force once I was about 100 yards away. It was strange but I couldn't sense much, just someone that was alive.

The person felt familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on who it was, it was like I was deliberately being forced out of the person's mind.

My mind immediately went to what happened earlier in the day but it couldn't be... could it? He was dead. How could he come back? Was such a thing possible?

Many similar thoughts raced through my head as I pulled up on the shore. I pulled the boat out of the water, which was freezing, and dragged it up on the sand. I grabbed my saber and turned it on ready to defend myself just in case.

I walked slowly towards the fire and inspected the area around it, there was a few track marks on the ground that led towards the forest but the eventually disappeared into the trees.

I followed them and stopped just short of where the sand and grass met.

Someone was behind me. I reached out with my mind once again and this time the air was completely sucked out of my lungs. My heart stopped and I was completely frozen in place.

"Rey" he said in a soft voice.

I gulped and felt my throat was dry. I turned around slowly trying to keep my composure, but when I saw him I completely lost it.

The tears poured out of me and I shook my head.

"No... no it can't be... you... Ben you're dead... am I dreaming? This has to be a dream..."

He looked slightly worried and suddenly I felt the connection open. It was like I could breathe again, like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. The dark and empty hole in my chest was closed again and I felt warmth.

"It really is you..." I said and he nodded. He held his hand out to me but I ignored it. I was suddenly in his arms; my body had reacted and ran to him. I ran my fingers through his hair and when we pulled away I looked into his eyes.

It was the same look from Exegol. I could feel everything he felt and hear his every thought, I wasn't alone anymore.

I moved one of my hands to his face, his scar from the forest fight now gone. I couldn't believe he was there, I felt the need to memorize every detail of his face in fear he would vanish. My hand traced his lips slowly, they were full and soft... I could never forget how they felt against mine. I looked up and met his eyes with mine, his were glimmering with fresh tears.

He had been crying, from relief and from happiness but he was also scared.

"Please don't leave me again" I begged him, my voice breaking in the process.

Suddenly his lips were on mine they were soft and warm but there was a hunger there. He was aggressive in his kiss and I reciprocated. I didn't want to lose this again, how long before it all vanished like before?


	25. Chapter 25

**Ch 25**

**Ben**

I had seen a boat approaching the shore of where I was, but I couldn't figure out who it was. The more I tried to reach out with the Force the more it felt like something was deliberately blocking my perception.

I ran and hid behind some bushes near the trees and made my way around, hoping my tracks would be lost and then I sat, waiting for whoever was coming. I wish I had a weapon in this moment, it would have been good to at least have a blaster.

I watched the stranger pull up and upon closer inspection I saw clearly who it was.

I couldn't believe it, but it was her. The dark hair and strong cheekbones. The way she moved and her small figure and then the saber she held was a dead giveaway once she ignited it.

She was in a nightgown, how she ever thought she'd be able to fight wearing that was beyond me but she was always full of surprises.

I sat there frozen for a while, what do I say to her? How do I show her I'm really here? How will she react?

She came closer towards the forest where my footprints disappeared, and I made my way further down the side. If I came out through there, I would be on the shore again, behind her.

She kept walking but suddenly stopped. This was my chance, so I took one step onto the sand and then another.

"Rey" I called out in a soft voice. I couldn't imagine she would be any more still but she was frozen.

She turned around slowly and it took every ounce of strength in me to not fall on the ground and weep. I couldn't say the same of her, she shook her head and tears poured from her eyes.

"No... no it can't be... you... Ben you're dead... am I dreaming? This has to be a dream..." I started to feel worried about how she was feeling. Had she already moved on? Did she not want me here? Did she not love me anymore...?

That's when I felt the connection open again and I felt her enter my thoughts. Trying to determine if this was real or not, if I was really back. Having her be a part of me again was amazing, I couldn't compare it to anything else. It just felt like I was complete, like a part of my soul had been restored.

"It really is you..." She said with resolve. I needed and held out my hand to her. She glanced at it and suddenly she ran towards me and was in my arms and I held her as close as I possibly could. I felt her fingers run through my hair. I had forgotten how incredibly small she was but, in that moment, I was the one who felt small, I felt like a child. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and by Force she smelled like heaven and her skin was so incredibly soft and warm.

After a moment we pulled away and looked into each other's eyes.

She held the same look from Exegol. I could feel everything she felt and hear her every thought, I wasn't alone anymore.

She moved one of her hands to my face, tracing the outline. I couldn't believe she was here, her touch sent chills down my spine and it felt like a feather kissing my skin. Her hand moved lower and traced my lips slowly, and I looked down at hers, craving the way she tasted. I could never forget how they felt against mine. She looked up and met my eyes with hers.

I hadn't noticed that I started crying until a breeze passed and parts of my face felt slightly cooler than the rest.

"Please don't leave me again" she begged me, her voice breaking mid sentence. That was all the invitation I needed and I kissed her.

Her body melted with mine and I heard her shocked thoughts. I couldn't resist her, I needed her, what if I lost her again? What if I was still dreaming and this would be last thing I felt before waking up just like when I died?


	26. Chapter 26

**Ch 26**

**Ben**

I eventually started to feel like I was running out of air and I heard her agree with me in my head. I pulled my lips from hers but kept her in my embrace.

"Rey... it's really me." I said between deep breaths "I'm here, I'm never leaving your side again... Being away from you felt like I was missing half of myself. It should be me begging you not to leave, you have every reason to leave. And I want you to know that if that's what you want I won't stop you. I don't want to hurt you or stand in the way of your happiness" I hung my head in shame knowing I meant every word. Part of me wanted to be selfish and make her stay but I loved her too much. She deserved to make her own choice. Force knew I'd rarely been given that chance.

"Ben no, please don't say that" she said as she cupped my chin in her hand and forced me to look at her. She opened her mind up to me and showed me how sad and devastated she'd been after my death.

I'd felt this dark hole inside me, a black void that made its presence known as often as possible. But when she saw that I was back it was like it had never manifested itself inside if her.

If there was one thing I learned recently was that I had to let go of what I'd done and trust her and the love we had for one another.

Another breeze passed by and we both shivered.

"I... kept your cape... something told me I'd be needing it tonight." She said as she pulled me towards the small boat where a black lump of thick black fabric laid. I picked it up and wrapped it around my shoulders as she turned the motor on.

It was strange seeing her perform such a menial task, specially in the nightgown she was wearing. She looked so feminine and delicate, she reminded me of my grandmother.

A few hundred yards before we reached the estate she stopped the engine and told me we'd have to push the boat the traditional way, she didn't want to wake anyone up.

"You know... there's an easier way to do this" I said with a laugh. She raised her eyebrow and I concentrated, willing the boat to move towards the small dock.

When we got there she simply looked at me, obviously annoyed and called me a show off, to which I chuckled in response.

"You're just jealous because this is new to you still, you need more training princess" I said as I helped her out if the boat.

"Ben Solo I've beaten you in a fight twice now, if anyone needs training it's you" she mocked.

We made our way up the stairs and she held on to my arm and leading the way. We had to sneak in and, although everyone was asleep, we didn't want to risk any unnecessary run ins.

Luck was not on our side as half way through the place and young girl ran into us.

"Miss Rey? Who-"

"You will go back to bed" said Rey with a wave of her hand

"I will go back to bed"

"I will explain in the morning when I come out of my room" she added.

"You will explain in the morning when you come out of your room" the girl repeated mindlessly and walked down the hall she'd come out of.

"Impressive... what other tricks do you have up your sleeve if I may ask?" I said to her teasingly.

"You are very obnoxious when you want to be" she whispered back at me as we reached our destination. She turned back to me and stood on her toes to kiss the bottom of my jaw. "But I wouldn't have it any other way."

We went into her room and I recognized it from the times I'd been here as a child with my parents.

Nothing had actually changed except for the draperies and bedding, everything else was in the same exact spot.

"Um... I can go in the closet and see if I can find something for you to sleep in... are you hungry? Do you need anything else?"

I'd been so entranced by my new surroundings I had completely overlooked any other form of human related needs.

"Um... I don't feel hungry now, but I would appreciate something more... comfortable to sleep in" I said, averting my gaze from the massive bed in the room. I had only slept with her once and that was what felt like eons ago. I didn't really count it though, it had been through our connection, I wasn't even sure we were in the same quadrant of the galaxy. She disappeared for a moment behind a massive set of doors and I sat by the fire place. It was off now, the little bit if lighting coming from a light by the door. I started to feel kind of tired, not enough to sleep but enough to not want to move once she came back out. I sat at the edge of the bed while I waited for her, she came out after a fee minutes.

"Alright so I found this pair of sleeping pants? They don't look like regular pants and I found a tunic. They're the only ones I found and in black! Right up your alley..." her voice trailed off. She seemed nervous, but I was also distracted by how beautiful she looked.

"You know... this look suits you princess." I said to her with a smile and I held my hand out to her, admiring her beautiful figure in the nightgown she wore. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and blushed slightly, clearly embarrassed by my comment.

She walked towards me and grabbed my hand as she sat by my side.

"I'm not a princess Ben... but this is all new to me. I took the Skywalker last name and well your mother visited me as a ghost and said it was mine. I guess now that you're back, the rightful Prince of Alderaan should take his inheritance." She said with a soft smile.

"Well Alderaan is basically nonexistent... and I was born on Chandrilla, but I guess you're right" I responded with a laugh. I took the clothes from her hand and went to the bathroom to dress. Technically she'd seen me half naked a few times on accident but I didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable.

I came out quickly and she stayed sitting at the end of the bed with her head down. I sensed something bothered her, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"Rey, are you alright?"

She looked up startled at my interruption of her thoughts.

"Uh... yea I guess... I'm just afraid that this is all a dream and when I wake up you'll be gone... losing you was horrible Ben. It was like I was running out if air, like half of me was gone. I can't bear the thought of losing you again" I walked towards her and sat, wrapping my arm around her and letting my love flow to her. I was able to connect to her on my own, no surprise this time.

She reciprocated the feeling and we simply sat in silence and enjoyed the connection we felt through the bond. After a few minutes I could start to feel her mind closing and nodding off. She was exhausted.

"Rey we should get to bed. We can talk more in the morning okay?"

She nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I carried her bridal style and walked towards the side of the bed, laying her down as gently as I could. I was going to make my way to the couch in the sitting area but she tugged on my sleeve.

"Don't leave my side... please sleep with me..." the fear in her voice rendered me speechless and I couldn't deny her that wish. I could never deny her anything she asked of me.

She moved over to make room for me and I laid down. She quickly shimmied her way into my arms and I cradled her, laying a kiss on top of her head. She gave a sigh of contentment and wrapped her arms around me as tight as she could.

In this moment, I knew things couldn't be any more perfect. I could lay here in her arms forever and die a happy man.


	27. Chapter 27

**Ch 27**

**Rey**

I woke up to an empty bed and at first, I didn't think anything of it, but the events of the night came rushing and I sat up quickly.

"Ben? Ben!" I called out. As if on queue he walked out of the bathroom door, his jet black hair glistening and still damp.

"Are you okay? What's wrong Rey?" He said rushing to my side at once and scanning my body with his eyes for any physical damage.

"I'm fine I just... I thought it was dream, what happened last night."

He touched his forehead to mine and opened the bond. Showing me all his thoughts and I knew he would never leave me if given the choice.

"I...I love you Ben" I said softly. We hadn't actually said it before, I didn't feel the need to do so, we could feel it through the connection.

But saying it gave it a new meaning to me, I owned that love, it was mine and no one else's.

"I love you Rey" he said, and his lips touched mine. Every time he kissed me I lost control of myself in every way. I never wanted to stop. I wanted him.

He pulled away and I was a little shocked that he did.

"As much as I would love to kiss you until I pass out, I think breakfast is needed" he said, my stomach growled in agreement and he laughed. He gave me another peck on the lips and I noticed he was wearing a black ensemble with gold accents here and there. He looked quite elegant and so handsome.

"I probably look awful... I should probably try and get dressed for the day." I suggested running towards the closet at once. Part of me was embarrassed that I wasn't as sophisticated as he was, as poised and graceful. I was raised as a scavenger, he was raised by a Princess.

"Just because of how you grew up it doesn't mean I value you any less" he said behind me. I turned around and sighed in frustration.

"Ben... I'm not used to living this life of luxury. Until I arrived on Naboo I'd never even wore a dress... I don't know how any of this works" I said motioning to the endless racks of clothes behind me.

He looked at me with a sad look and walked past me to a rack that seemed to hold a lot of lighter dresses like the one I'd worn the previous day.

"I will teach you, it doesn't mean I want to change you, but I meant what I said when I told you this look suited you. Yes, it may just be a night gown, but you are royalty Rey, because of well… you know. You deserve to be waited on and dressed in fine clothing... you are... like a goddess to me and I will always give you everything you want."

He grabbed a hanger from the end of the rack and I gasped. It was a beautiful burgundy gown with a sweetheart neckline and of the shoulder long sleeves. Now when I say long sleeves I meant LONG. They basically had their own train. The neckline has a gold trim and the skirt had flicks of gold dust on it and the fabric flowed like a river of blood, as dark as that may sound.

"Try this one and I'll ring for some food okay? N- I know no one has me but don't worry they won't see me yet."

The look on my face must have been obvious to read because I hadn't thought about the day that no one in the entire place knew he was here.

I told myself I needed to take things slowly and face the problems one at a time.

I got dressed as quickly as possible and found a brush to run through my hair. Along with clothes, the closet had a million drawers of jewelry, accessories and whatever you could need for an extravagant look. I found a strange hair golden clip with two combs and about 10 chains with small drop shaped rhinestones attached that dangled from it. I assumed the chains went on the back of the head and the clips were very ornate with vines.

I walked out in my somewhat put together ensemble and Ben was standing by the French doors. He turned as soon as he saw me and the look on his face was priceless. His eyes bugged out if his head and he looked at me from head to toe. As uncomfortable as I felt I also felt just as good. I'd never held anyone's attention the way I held his and I knew he felt the same.

"Rey you look absolutely stunning, like an angel..." he said as he took a few steps closer toward me. Someone instantly knocked on the door and he ran to hide in the closet once more.

"Miss Rey, your breakfast as you requested. May I come in?"

"Uh... yes Saige please come in" she had a tray of a different assortment of food. I never finished my entire meal, she always brought too much, so Ben would definitely benefit from this.

She set the tray on the coffee table and looked at me.

"What a lovely gown Miss Rey! I'm certainly glad you picked it. Is there anything else you need? How are you feeling?"

That was a good question.

"Uh... much better, thank you Saige. And no not now, we may have a guest later today and I'll explain everything. Once I have the details, I'll call for you" she seemed a bit taken back by my comment but didn't question it at all. She curtsied and walked out of the door. Ben emerged as soon as she left.

"Well, I would say we certainly have a few things to clear up princess... shall we get started?" He asked as he grabbed my hand and led me towards the food. The conversation that was about to happen suddenly left me hungry for more than just breakfast.


	28. Chapter 28

**Ch 28**

**Rey**

We sat on the couch and ate and talked for what seemed like hours. There were so many unanswered and strange questions, some I knew I may not get an answer to.

"Where were you? I felt you die that day, and I tried to reach out to you so many times. Sometimes I'd think I felt something or heard or saw you. I mean how is it even possible that you're actually here?" I was rambling, I would usually do that if I was overwhelmed. He seemed very calm and stoic, but in his eyes I could see he was just as perplexed by this situation as me.

"I _was_dead Rey, I'm not sure where I was. It was dark and eventually I found out a place called the in between. It was very beautiful. I saw a lot of people there, my grandparents and my mother. Sometimes I could see you here, so you may actually have seen or heard or felt me. I'm not sure how that works, but the people I saw kept telling me I needed to be ready to come back. Maybe it's because of our connection, our dyad. I'd never actually heard of one before until Palpatine mentioned it but if it's as powerful as he said it was then it explains this"

I nodded as I took another bite of food. We sat awkwardly in silence as we ate.

"I remember when you died too... as I was climbing out of that pit it felt like the wind was knocked out of me and I almost lost my grip. Once I saw you on the ground... I knew what I had to do. I didn't know if it would work but I had to try..."

I grabbed his hand in reassurance, I knew exactly what it had felt like to lose him just as he knew what it was to lose me.

"How did you... I mean what happened after Exegol? I know you went to Tatooine and then you came here...?" He said trailing off.

I sighed and put my plate down, knowing I wouldn't be able to eat after this.

So I told him everything. About the ghosts who would visit me and the few times I saw him. The memory visits were the most difficult part to try and talk about without revealing some truths like finding him attractive when we were still discovering our bond.

He laughed at that part, not because it was funny, but because he said seeing me embarrassed was amusing.

"I always knew you were attracted to me Rey" he said between laughs "but I laugh because I also found you attractive and I always thought 'how strange that I, a dark Sith, am attracted and drawn to this girl that represents everything I stand against?!'. It boggled my mind and now I'm truly grateful to have you in my life" he said as he grabbed my other hand.

"Well it was definitely strange. I had always felt drawn to you since the moment I first saw you without that mask in the interrogation room. I always felt like I was meant to be in your life and I spent so long fighting it "

He stroked my cheek with his hand and I closed my eyes enjoying the simple action.

"Who did you end up meeting as far as the ghosts went? I saw my mother and my grandparents... it was strange. They were all much younger than I would have thought. Specially my grandparents, I wish I could have met them in person."

I had always wondered just how much he actually knew about his family before he turned. It seemed that was a discussion for a later time though.

"Me too... I met you grandparents as well. Although, I spent the most time with Padmé. She was so beautiful and kind, but she always had this... sadness about her. She was so wise and she reminded of a goddess. I saw some of her memories too actually." I got up at the last part and went to the box that I kept under the bed. The box that held Padmé's clothes.

"I actually found this on Tatooine. It belonged to her and I saw her" I said as I made my way back to Ben who was speechless as I pulled the veil out. "I saw her wedding with Anakin. Oh Ben, it was beautiful. It happened right here in secret, but they were so in love and... it's the most tragic thing I ever heard of" he had a sideways smile as he held the veil, admiring the great detail.

"My grandfather told me of his wedding day. He said it was one of the happiest moments of his life, second to finding out he would be a father. I never thought of that you know? Having my own family even finding someone like you Rey, I never thought that would be possible" he said looking down at me. He leaned in and kissed the top of my head. The gesture was so natural, something I could easily get used to, and I wasn't one to normally enjoy physical contact, but with him I couldn't get enough of it.

"I didn't either. After you died I promised myself I would never marry or anything... the bond we have isn't something I could ever have with anyone else, you know? What we have is so unique that I know nothing could ever compare." He smiled at me and I pulled his body closer to mine. I knew I could stay in his arms like this even after we died. It was like they were made for me, it was like I was made for him, it wasn't something I ever wanted to let go of.


	29. Chapter 29

**Ch 29**

**Ben**

I held her in my arms for a long time. I didn't want to let her go, it felt like she was made to fit them perfectly.

"So... "she said pulling away "What are we going to tell everyone?"

"Well" I began "I don't think we should tell the house staff exactly everything, just that I contacted you in the middle of the night and you had to come help me. I know Saige, her and I kind of grew up together. I would see her when my mother brought me here on holiday..."

The memories were bitter sweet, I knew my mother had forgiven me, but sometimes I had a difficult time knowing I was the reason she was gone now.

"Wait, you and Saige know each other?" She said grabbing my hand and leading me towards the door. She was visibly upset.

"Well... yes I recognized her when we ran into her last night. I haven't seen her in a long time. She looks good, sometimes we would play together as kids when my mother went out to meetings and such" I replied not really understanding what she was getting at.

"Well... must be nice to know your _friend_is completely fine with you showing up out of the blue and unannounced. She'll be thrilled..." she said letting go of my hand and attempting to walk away.

I grabbed her arm and yanked her towards me, leaning down so her lips would meet mine. She tried to push me away but eventually gave in and just pulled me closer.

I smiled at her and broke the kiss; a little bit of anger was still left in her eyes.

"Rey... there's nothing for you to be jealous about. She's just a friend, less than that, she's an acquaintance. I haven't seen her in almost 15 years! And she doesn't own my heart the way you do..." I stroked her face slightly and felt her instantly grow calmer.

"I'm sorry..." she sighed and hung her head in embarrassment. "I'm not... used to this, to having a significant other... these feelings are new to me"

"As they are for me... I'll never give you a reason to doubt my love for you Rey. It'll always belong to you and only you" she smiled and turned her head to kiss the inside of my hand that was still holding her. I returned the smile and dropped my hand to grab hers. We walked towards the door and upon opening it, Saige met us at once.

Rey let go of my hand instantly, they gesture making my heart twist a little.

_Sorry…_

I heard someone say in my head.

I looked down and her and she met my eyes.

_Can you-_

_Yes, I can _she said. Or thought.

Well this was definitely new, we could communicate telepathically, that would definitely need some getting used to.

"Miss Rey… I uh… came to pick up the used dishes" said Saige.

"Right… um… Saige this is Ben Solo. He contacted me last night and I went out to find him. I thought he had died long ago fighting for uh… the Resistance…"

_Nice_

_Oh hush! Like you could do any better…_

_Watch this…_I said and sent her the image of a wink.

"I was severely injured fighting with my mother for the Resistance. I had been captured by the First Order and when I heard their leader was dead I planned my escape, I escaped somewhat unscathed, but I needed help. I found an old acquaintance that told me what happened while I was gone and who heard Rey was coming here"

_Show off…_

"Ben! It's been so long! I'm sorry Master Solo… I heard of your mother's passing. May she rest in heaven. Will you be staying?"

"Um… yes I think I will be staying indefinitely. Don't bother preparing another room. I'll stay with Miss Rey her and I… "

_Crap_

_How are you going to get us out of this one?_

"Are engaged"

I felt the shock run through the bond. She wasn't the only one but what else was I supposed to come up with?

"Oh! Well I guess congratulations are in order! When is the big day?"

"Uh… well… We are still discussing it…but we will keep you posted. Her and I go back a very long time ago and we have some catching up to do"

Saige nodded, gave a slight bow and walked away.

I grabbed Rey's hand and tugged her along my side and down the hall.

_Ben where are we going, what have you gotten us into?!_

_I'm sorry I panicked I didn't know what else to say!_

We eventually made it the door that led to the massive backyard. I just wanted to be outside where we could talk, think….

Upon crossing the threshold, I felt much lighter in spirit.

"Ben what in all hells have you gotten us into? Can you please explain yourself?"

I turned around to meet her eyes. She was shocked at what I had just done but the look in her eyes showed something a little… more.

"Rey I… I didn't know what else to say okay? Tell me could you have really done any better? It's not the way I intended to ask you but- "

"What do you mean?"

"What?" I said surprised at her suddenly cutting me off.

"You said… it wasn't the way you intended to ask… Ben I…"

I sighed. Kriff this wasn't going at all how I expected.

"Rey… you know I love you and… yes I _did _want to eventually ask you to marry me. I still want to ask you in a special way. I know I probably already ruined that, but you know what I mean I just- "

She grew too quiet and I immediately stopped my ranting, sensing her discomfort at once.

"Rey?" I asked cautiously.

"I… um… I don't know what to say Ben…"

"Rey if you do not want to…"  
"No I do… it's just…I'm shocked I guess"

"Talk to me Rey… please…"

"I need a moment please…" I nodded and waited for her and that's when I felt her in my mind and I let down my barriers to let her in, just as she was attempting to do.


	30. Chapter 30

**Ch 30**

**Ben**

_Confused. Afraid. Excited. Sad. Ecstatic. Nervous_

Those are the feelings I instantly felt through our connection.

I felt them too, but I wanted to know the why behind them. I wanted to know every single part of her mind, her body, and her soul.

"I am terrified of… not being good enough for you. I'm afraid of failing as a wife and…well…"

"As a parent" I finished her thought.

She looked at me and I saw her eyes were slightly glossy. She was truly terrified.

"Rey… I… I'm scared too. Marriage is a big commitment, but I wouldn't make that with anyone who wasn't you. When I fell to the dark side completely, all hope of a future family vanished. When I felt my connection to you I knew our future was bound for eternity. And when my feelings grew for you…" I said raising my hand up to caress her cheek "I knew I couldn't let you go. I wanted you, regardless of the cost. I'm afraid of hurting you again and as far as parenting goes, that can always wait until we both feel ready."

She smiled at me and leaned into the hand that still held her face.

"Thank you, Ben… thank you for understanding…" I nodded with a smile and leaned down to give her a kiss.

**Rey**

When our lips parted I looked up at him, his dark eyes shining bright. I could get lost in them forever.

"So… um… the mind communication… obviously it's conventional. However, I think we should keep a small wall up. I would imagine being in each other's thoughts 24/7 may drive us a little crazy" he said.

"I agree, it's not that I have anything to hide from you, but you're right. I have a hard time being in my own head as it is."

So, we agreed to only let those walls down when it was absolutely necessary.

He grabbed my hand and led us down a path that led towards the forest nearby. The path didn't go as deep as you would assume, you could see the path led to a small meadow behind the trees.

"Do you have any other crazy plans you were planning on throwing us into? Or are we taking this as we go?"

He laughed at my comment but then grew silent for a second.

"Well, not yet, I do eventually plan on asking you to marry me the way it should be done. I'm mostly wondering on what we would do to start our life together. Where we would live and that sort of thing."

"Actually, that's a good point. I… wanted to see if we could rebuild the Jedi order. Not the way it was before, but something new. Something where things weren't black or white but… balanced."

We had reached the meadow by now, it was a circular little place with wild flowers growing here and there. It was very beautiful, very peaceful.

"You are very beautiful… I don't think I'll ever get over how truly magnificent you are Rey"

I turned as he spoke realizing that I had kept walking and he was simply staring at me in a very… peculiar way. I blushed and looked down clearing my throat.

"Don't avoid the subject Solo" I said

"I'm not… I'm merely paying the princess a well-deserved compliment. The beauty of this planet pales in comparison to you"

"Well thank you… but you still haven't said anything about what I suggested"

He sighed, I knew this would be a difficult conversation. Even if he had turned back, his feeling towards the Jedi still seemed… off.

"I do want something more… balanced. I agree with you, I don't want anyone else forced into… what I was forced into. We could have the academy here on Naboo, I certainly have the money to fund it. Or at least start it."

"Wait, what do you mean? Money?"

"Rey when I was Supreme Leader I took certain… precautions. You see I had already planned on leaving that dreaded cause behind, but I knew I couldn't go out into the world without a means to leave. So, I transferred all my money from the Order to a secret account. It was a substantial amount. Some was the money Snoke held for himself, some of it was the inheritance my mother had given me before I turned. As the former princess of Alderaan and then politician she had a lot of money. And, of course, as Snoke's second in command, I earned my own money."

I was in shock.

I couldn't even imagine how much money that was or could have been.

"Well I think it's a good idea to put it to good use. What better way than this right?"

"All the answers will come in time sweetheart. What's good is that now we have an idea of what we want to do and now we just have to find a way to go about it"

I nodded in agreement and then looked up at the sky, realizing that it was turning slightly orange.

"I can't believe it's so late, how has time gone by so quickly?" I asked him. We had eventually sat down on the cool grass across from each other. The contrast between the bright meadow and his dark clothing and attitude was strange. I never imagined Ben Solo, the former Kylo Ren, would be sitting in a field of flowers with a scavenger from Jakku.

"Well we have been talking for an insane amount of time princess, but we should head back for dinner. Maybe after, we can go into town? I want to show you something"

I raised an eyebrow at him but part of me was excited for the surprises he had. I was ready to face whatever life held for us., whether it was good or bad


	31. Chapter 31

_*Authors note: Since we are in quarantine, I'm going update probably every other day guys, this story is going a completely different direction than I intended. This won't be the only Reylo fanfic I write tho, I promise ;). Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the rest of the story! ps: I will update One More Chance as soon as I can, it's just this one's been in my head for a minute lol_

**Rey**

Dinner was a mostly quiet affair. Ben had mostly decided he wanted to play 20 questions to see what I liked, what I didn't like.

Sure, he would have searched my mind and I would have let him, but where was the fun in that?

So, we spent almost three hours in the dining hall eating and talking. The whole thing felt so completely natural.

Until the very end of the conversation.

"So, Rey… have you ever uh…been with anyone else? Any other relationships or…?"

I don't know if I was too surprised at the question, I guess it was only natural he would be curious about it. Plus, I had thrown a bit of a jealous fit over Sage earlier…

"Well um… no I… I haven't. I was rather preoccupied with mostly survival I wasn't used to physical contact to be honest. After my parents left me well… I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't form another… connection that would allow pain again. Of course, it seems destiny had other plans for me." I said as I reached up and touched his hand.

"I guess that makes sense" he said, allowing me to stroke the back of his hand.

"What about you?" I asked cautiously. Sometimes things about his past were a little triggering. I had to be careful with how and when I asked things. I also didn't know if I wanted to know the answer to this particular question.

He sighed before answering.

"Well… when I was training under Luke, I was friends with a girl named Voe, I really liked her, but she always had this strange vendetta against me when we were kids. She was very competitive and always wanted to be better than I was. I liked her fiery spirit and tenacity. It never went beyond that. I guess you could say I have a type though" he finished with a smile. I loved his smile.

It was one of those things that was so new, but it was so warm, and I could feel the joy he now radiated through our bond.

"Are you ready to go Princess? I still have that surprise waiting for you. Let's grab our capes and go?" I nodded at once jumping out of the chair and grabbing his hand once again and leading him to the bedroom ready for whatever it was he had in mind.

**Ben**

"Alright Ben, can't I get one tiny little clue pleeeeeeeeeease?" she begged once again. We left the warmth of the big house and were on our way to the mainland.

"No sweetheart, it's called a surprise for a reason" I said grinning at her. She smiled back but shyly looked away. She wasn't used to me being… the way I was now.

To be honest, I wasn't used to being this way with anyone either, some of the words that came out of my mouth when I was around her were shocking.

I parked the boat on the dock of the mainland and helped Rey get out of it. The dress I helped her pick this morning was stunning on her. It hugged her small figure extremely well and yet, she looked so regal and elegant. She was the most beautiful woman in the galaxy to me.

I grabbed her hand and led her towards a very familiar path towards a hill. I remembered coming here as a child the few times my mother wasn't busy.

_I know you miss her…_she said in my head.

_Yes… I saw her in the in between you know… I finally spent time with her…_I told her.

She squeezed my hand and felt her put her comfort and love into my thoughts. I looked at her and smiled.

She smiled back.

"Okay well I don't know how much you managed to get out of my head… but we are here princess." I said as I pointed towards the opposite side of the hill we had climbed on.

"I respect the walls we've put up! Some of your thoughts are just… very loud that's all." She said shyly, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have.

"It's alright Rey, I imagine this will take some getting used to. It was one thing being able to know everything when we were connected but now I see everything you see and feel everything you feel. Time is all we have now." I said wrapping an arm around her.

"Now" I continued "Look over there…" I pointed towards the city and saw the first of hundreds of lanterns float to the sky.

I felt her excitement through our bond and looked over to her. She was smiling from ear to ear and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I would do anything to keep that smile on her face.

"Ben it's… it's absolutely beautiful…"

"This lighting of the lanterns happens every time the season change for about a week. It's believed to mimic the movement and beauty of change, we can't stop it any more than we can stop the lanterns from floating away. My mother would bring me here sometimes, it was the best memory I have with her"

I reached into a small pocket in my cape and pulled out the small trinket my grandmother had given me.

"Rey… I brought you here because I want to make new memories with you wherever we go. I don't have a ring yet… but I have this for now." I held it up for her to see the little japor snippet hanging from its thread. "My grandmother gave it to me when I saw her in the in between, she told me to give it to you when I felt the time was right… My grandfather gave it to her. Now, I give it to you and all I ask is that…you…" I paused and kneeled in front of her, I could feel the overflow of emotions coming from her. "I just want you to be my wife, and I promise I will love you even after I'm dead. I want nothing more than to be by your side for eternity"

Suddenly I was on my back and Rey was laughing in my ear and planting small kisses. She had managed to tackle me on to the ground and I just held her there. I was completely and utterly content with just enjoying her presence.

"In case you hadn't noticed my answer is yes" she said between breaths.

"Okay well in that case, this now belongs to you princess" I said as I sat up. She lifted her hair and I clasped the necklace on.

"I love you" I whispered to her.

"I know" her response instantly bringing the biggest smile to my face.


	32. Chapter 32

**Ch 32**

**Rey**

We made our way back to Varykino fairly late. It was well past midnight judging from the position of the moon in the sky. It was also very cold, the cape helped, but it wasn't weather I was really accustomed to after spending most of my life in the desert.

I had a hard time staying awake and felt my head nod off every now and then. At one point I knew my consciousness was giving up because Ben kept insisting on carrying me to the boat and until we got to our room.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking…" I protested. Of course, this was as I tried to step into the boat and nearly face planted.

To be fair I was wearing strappy sandals. Yet another thing I wasn't accustomed to.

"Rey… you are so unbelievably stubborn. But if you want it that way…" he teased.

"Fine! You can carry me after this…but it's not going to happen again!" he simply laughed softly as he maneuvered the boat.

Once we were in our room I didn't have the energy to get ready for bed, but I knew sleeping in a pretend tiara and fancy dress would be too uncomfortable.

"Can you like… maybe go change in the bathroom Ben? I'll change here…" I said, a little more aware of… things now that we were in the bedroom.

Thinking of being intimate with him was, of course, strange. I knew it would eventually happen when we were married, but I wasn't sure about anything happening before hand…

"As you wish princess. Your wish is my command" he said jokingly as he walked away. I could sense nervousness around him too.

I guess we were both inexperienced when it came to this, eventually we would have to talk about it.

I ran into the closet quickly and pulled out the first nightgown I could find. It was pink with long lose sleeves, but it was very sheer and light in the fabric. It was accompanied by a matching robe that had pink rose appliques all over it.

I quickly threw it on and walked towards the vanity that was in the main room.

"Okay you can come out if you're ready! I'm just brushing my hair" I said. He took a few seconds and then came out. He was wearing the same sleeping clothes from the previous night and I suddenly felt overdressed.

"Don't, you look beautiful. You always have, and you always will" he said walking over to me. He leaned down and planted a kiss on my lips.

It was very soft at first but whenever he kissed me I felt my control slip and my thoughts turned to something…different.

I could feel a fire in the pit of my stomach. It coursed and spread through my body, my soul. I desired ben, this fire… I couldn't find a way to stop it. It scared me, but it also made me feel powerful. I wanted more of him, I wanted more of that fire…

I pulled him closer to me, my hand snaking through his hair. Those beautiful raven locks and his soft and full lips tasting me.

I suddenly felt him grab the hand that was entangled in his hair and my lips were suddenly cold from the lack of contact.

"Rey… I… are you alright? I felt something in you…" he stated with a question in his eyes. I felt him close off a bit, he was cautious.

What was he trying to get at?

"What do you mean? I'm… fine I just… I… don't know did I do something wrong?" I felt panic rise within me.

Did he not want me? Was I coming on to him too strong? Was I not pretty enough or maybe… it was that I had no experience…

"REY STOP!" he yelled at me. I jumped and pulled away from him, his loud voice startling me.

"Rey…" he continued "I LOVE you, of course I want you. I desire you just as much as you desire me… but there was a … darkness in what you felt. I felt it Rey, it's not a bad thing. I've rarely sensed it in you, it merely took me by surprise. I just wanted to know you're okay."

I was… stunned.

"I'm… fine. I… I'm sorry I just… I don't know what came over me I…" my voice began to break, and the tears suddenly came. I guess that explained the fire… and why it felt so… good.

"Rey shhh… sweetheart come here" he said as he lifted me and had me sit on his lap. His arms felt so firm, they could choke a grown man to death in seconds. Yet, for me, they became a source of comfort.

I continued to cry for what felt like hours. I didn't know why really, I just felt guilty and really tired. I suddenly felt my body lay against something cool and soft and I felt his arm wrap around me. Surprisingly warm against the coolness under me.

"Goodnight princess, I love you…" was the last thing I heard before sleep won this battle.


	33. Chapter 33

**Ch 33**

**Ben**

I was walking on the shore of a warm and beautiful beach. I loved the beach, I loved the water and the feeling of freedom that came with it.

"Ben come on!" I heard her call out. By Force her voice was lovely, it brought peace to even the darkest thoughts within me.

I laughed and ran after her towards a cave on the cliffside. It wasn't too far from us, we ran for a total of 10 minutes. Rey was a faster runner. Her small size and lean legs helped with how quick and stealthy she was.

"Rey, wait!" I yelled after her, but she kept running. I could hear her laughter in the distance and as I saw her disappear into the cave, her laughter got louder.

When I got to the mouth of the cave I felt this dark chill run down my spine. It was pitch black and the darkness began to call to me.

_She doesn't love you. She'll leave you. She's terrified of you. _

_She hates you._

I tried to block the thoughts from my head and I couldn't, I grabbed the sides of my head and screamed. The thoughts plagued me and kept repeating in my head over, and over, and over. It felt like when I was in the in between and I struggled with remembering my life here.

I heard an ear-splitting scream in the middle of my breakdown that snapped me back into whatever reality I was in.

I looked towards the darkness of the cave and saw nothing. Just more pitch black, an endless nothingness.

"Rey!" I screamed, my echo bouncing off the walls and eventually subsiding.

_She hates you._

I began to walk deeper into the darkness.

_She wishes you never would have come back._

The more steps I took, the harder it was to fight the darkness off.

_You're a murderer. That's all she'll ever see in you._

Each sentence felt like a knife in my chest.

Each step felt like lead.

Another scream.

Fear rose in my chest and my throat got thick, tears began to sting my eyes.

_You'll be the death of her. And she yours. You'll destroy each other._

The screaming got louder.

"Rey…" I said as I continued walking through the dark tunnel. There seemed to be no end to it.

"Ben…" I hear a voice say behind me. I turned around and suddenly she was there. I could see her even through the darkness I knew it was her.

She had a pained expression on her face and she was gasping for air.

"Ben… HELP ME!" she shouted at, it was so loud I had to cover my ears and everything around me started shaking. She screamed again, and I woke up covered in sweat and gasping for air.

I had been dreaming. I reached over to the side where Rey would have laid. She was gone.

I sat up in alarm and my shields instantly lowered in order to sense her better. I soon found her thoughts. She wasn't… herself… she was… in a dark cave… screaming. I jumped out of the bed and looked around to find the balcony door was open. Not wide enough for anyone to notice, but enough to let a breeze through. The slight flap of the curtains gave that much away.

I felt myself begin to panic, how had she gotten outside? I could see her silhouette as she stared out across the water. Her thoughts grew darker, she was terrified of whatever was going on in her mind. I couldn't see it, I only knew it was dark and cold and it was hungry…

I was snapped out of her head when I saw her begin to climb on to the balustrade. Everything after that happened too quickly.

She took a step and almost began to fall but I quickly reached her. I managed to wrap my arm around her waist as she plunged, and I pulled her back over the balustrade.

The inertia it took was strong and I fell on the ground hard with her on top of me. She rolled off me and looked around.

"Ben? Ben… what's going on? Why are we outside?" she said, her voiced trembled with fear.

I sat up and looked at her, she was… crying. She was terrified… it was the same fear I'd seen in her when I saw the memory of her parents leaving.

"You were dreaming… I think our connection opened when we fell asleep and linked our dreams. It was just a dream, okay?" I told her, and she gave in to the tears. She hugged her knees and cried. I was still in a state of shock, but I knew she needed me.

I moved closer to her and she instantly jumped into my arms. I knew we wouldn't get any more sleep that night, so we got up together and headed back into the room.


	34. Chapter 34

**Ch 34**

**Ben**

I sat her on the couch by the fireplace and went to the back to grab a blanket. It was cold and the event that just transpired had left us both a little shaken.

I sat by her side and she scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her, turned my head and kissed the top of hers. Her hair was a little messy and she shivered at my touch.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. I felt her body shift and she was looking up at me now. I looked into her eyes, even in the darkness they were shining like the moons of Endor in the night sky.

"I am… terrified… she answered. Some tears ran down her cheeks and I instantly wiped them away, it was like an instinct. "What did that dream mean? Ben I'd never walked in my sleep before I… if our connection is that powerful… how do we control it? How do we find the balance?" she asked. I could see a form of determination and purpose in her words, but there was still fear underneath it all.

"We could… go find answers. Do you remember what Palpatine said? He said ours was a connection not seen in generations… what if we find this other connection? Maybe there are answers there." I suggested.

"Where would we start?" she asked

That was a very good question. For one, I had killed all Jedi and destroyed everything on them I could find. That didn't mean we couldn't find other answers though.

"Well… I'm not sure about that yet… perhaps we could start at the destroyed Jedi Temple on Coruscant. A lot of the archives were taken by the Empire, but you never know what we could find."

She nodded and moved to lean her head on my shoulder once more. I could sense how tired she was, but she was still anxious over the dream she'd had.

"We can leave in two days if you want. We need to rest and gather some supplies. What do you think?"

She nodded against my shoulder.

"Yes, I think that's fine."

"Hey… come here." I said as I motioned for her to sit on my lap. It felt strange sometimes not being physically close to her. I never wanted to be away from her again.

Once she was comfortable I put the blanket over her. "Tell me what's _really_wrong?"

She sighed and began to talk "I am afraid… of losing you. I'm afraid of failing as a Jedi… I'm afraid of being alone again" she said with a small sniff.

"Rey you aren't going to fail. Look how far you've come with just your willpower. And you aren't a Jedi. Yes, there is light in you, but you know there is darkness too. You are… grey. We've both become that. We just need more guidance… and I think we'll find that in this journey"

"Yes… I think you're…rig-"she trailed off and I noticed the rhythmic rising of her shoulders. Sleep won her battle this time.

The sun rose in that moment, and with it a new day that would bring us to a journey we never would have imagined.

**Rey**

When I woke up I felt like I was sweating like I had worked at noon on the hottest day of the year on Jakku. My hair was sticking to my face and I could feel a little bit of drool had dried on the corner of my mouth. I reached up to wipe with the back of my hand and felt my burning cheek. My head was pounding from over sleeping, what time was it anyways?

I sat up on the couch and stretched, a little surprised that my back wasn't sore from having slept on a surface other than a bed. To be fair though, I had spent the majority of my life sleeping on a AT-AT, anything besides the cold, steel ground was always welcomed.

I looked around realizing that Ben was laying down behind me, my movements not even stirring him.

He must have been tired, I could sense he was relaxed and… at peace.

I got up and covered him with the blanket, leaving him to rest.

I saw glanced at the clock on the nightstand, it was almost 3 in the afternoon.

By gods we had slept…

I went to the bathroom to run a bath, while the water warmed up and filled the tub, I went to find something to wear.

I walked into the closet and pulled out a two-piece baby blue ensemble. I took it to the bathroom with me and checked on Ben on my way. He was still asleep.

I smiled down at him and brushed some hair from his face. When he was sleeping like this he looked like a child. So innocent, so… untainted by life and its hardships.

I made my way to the bathroom and turned the water off. I looked in the mirror for a second, so much had happened the night before.

I undressed and got into the tub, hugging my knees once I was well submerged. After the events of last night, I became terrified. I had to admit I was afraid but how was I supposed to handle it? I hadn't experienced so much darkness since the cave on Ach-To, or when I saw… my grandfather.

If I didn't deal with the fear it would lead me further into the dark, to a lack of balance, I didn't want that. People weren't just good or bad, people didn't do right or wrong all the time. Things needed a balance, people were too unpredictable to be one or the other. I needed to deal with this fear, so I decided to meditate in the bath and let my wander to a place of peace.


	35. Chapter 35

**Ch 35**

**Rey**

Meditation is such an interesting and funny thing you see. It clears your mind, sometimes it lets you see things of the past, of the future, of the present. It brings clarity.

This time it took me to a very distinct memory from when I was a child. Probably around 12-13 years old. I had just finished scavenging an old ship that had crashed a few weeks prior.

It's where I found my small pink flower that I put in my room. I always thought it made the place look a little brighter.

I remember coming home after getting my rations, only about two quarter portions…

It had been a rough day, but it was better than the days I'd received no rations.

It wasn't that what had spiked a memory shock. It was the fact that it had been one of the hottest days of the year on Jakku and I was freezing cold. I had this feeling inside me like a million knives were stabbing my chest.

I remember for a second seeing a man in my head but… he looked and felt like a boy. He was terrified.

And just like that the strange vision and the cold feeling was over. It was so strange,

There were other times I remembered that feeling. The feeling like there was always someone there throughout my life. It was like a shadow I couldn't quite see but I could feel it.

It was why Ben had always felt sort of… familiar. Even when I had first met him on Takodana and he was submerged in the darkness. They were fleeting moments and I always remembered feeling cold.

So that's what I felt now, but it was different. This was cold from having sat in a bathtub for too long and the water lost all its heat.

I got out and dried off quickly and got dressed. I combed my fingers through my hair and realized how long it had gotten. It reached almost to my waist, maybe it was time for a trim…

"Or maybe not… you have beautiful hair darling" said a voice behind me. It had startled me, but a smile spread on my face. I ran to hug him, and he met me with a kiss to the top of my head.

"You look beautiful sweetheart," he said pulling away, "and I mean it about the hair. I think it suits you." He moved a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

I gave him a half smile and grabbed his hand to lead him back to the bedroom.

"What did you order for us today my love?" I asked him as I sat in front of the vanity to try and fix my hair and I noticed how I looked in the mirror. The light blue fabric made me look slightly tan, but it was a beautiful contrast against my brown hair. The ensemble was two-pieced. The top was cropped around my waist and the pants were lower than I thought, exposing my navel. The sleeves flared out at the end and the pants did too. The top was a little low on the neckline but hugged my chest very well. The neckline and hem of the sleeves and pants had a navy-blue pattern embroidered and the pants had a dark blue sash with silver lace at the end of it.

I decided to do my hair with two thin braids and I clipped them in the back with a sapphire butterfly hair comb. The rest of my hair was in loose, natural waves.

"Well as soon as the princess decides to stop admiring herself in the mirror, I would be more than happy to offer her some pastries and eggs that look and smell delicious"

I turned around and took in the smell of the food. My stomach growled in response to which Ben chuckled.

"Yes, that's what I thought" I walked over to him and took a seat, serving myself a plate of food in the process.

"So, Mr. Solo, what's your plan for us to get to Coruscant." I asked with a mouthful of pastry in my mouth.

He laughed at me again, I knew I ate like it was my last meal, but I didn't care. I had lived too long on rations to not enjoy the little gifts life had given me. Although it, was a little embarrassing. Ben ate with such grace and poise, the way royalty should.

"Stop it, you are adorable when you eat. I don't want you to change anything. Now if you want me to teach you some etiquette I can, just in case it's ever needed, but you shouldn't change for me Rey, I love you just as you are."

I blushed at the comment, his love and tenderness flowing vividly through the bond.

"As far as us travelling, I know you came here on the Falcon and you brought your BB unit. We just need to pack some supplies and we can leave tomorrow. While you were taking your bath, I was able to find a way to access my bank accounts and my mother has a hidden safe in the closet. I can get us the money from there and all we need to pack is food and clothing" I looked up and nodded at him in the middle of a bite.

"Please make sure to pack light… I can't imagine carrying 20 bags with your new outfits princess" he said giggling.

I glared at him and made a pillow fly towards his face, he dodged it flawlessly of course.

"Ben Solo I still like my old clothing, these are just fun to wear, and may remind you none of my clothing will be as remotely heavy as that cape you used to wear all the time!"

"Ha! That cape is a weapon princess, it protected me against many lightning attacks and from the cold mind you. Now hurry up and finish that food, we have work to do and I want to work… on the falcon. It needs to be ready for whatever we encounter."

"Fine! You owe me one for that comment though"

He got up and walked towards me with a menacing look. I put my plate down and reached up in a protective way. He grabbed my wrists and pushed me all the way down on the couch and kissed my neck. Force that felt amazing.

His tongue traced along my collar bone and went up my neck, the gesture made me shiver. He reached my ear lobe and he nipped it, a moan escaped my throat and just as quickly he let me go and walked towards the door.

As he opened it he looked back at me.

"Ben 1, Rey, 0" he said with a wink and left me bewildered.


	36. Chapter 36

**Ch 36**

**Rey**

I spent most of the day trying to figure out what to pack. I may have had a new closet, but most of the clothes in it were a little unconventional. I was able to find a few things, a grey-blue cape lined with fur, in case it was cold. Four pairs of pants, they were all grey and dark blue and black colors that came with matching tops. I was also able to find a pair of boots, I tried them on just in case, they were actually very comfortable and were made of black leather.

I was able to find a duffle bag and I packed it all inside. I then went out towards the kitchen where I ran into Sage.

"Good afternoon Miss Rey! Is there something I can do for you?" she asked with a smile.

"Actually, yes Sage! Um… Ben and I are going on an extended trip, so I was looking to pack some food that would last us the trip from here to Coruscant… would you be able to help me with that?"

"Yes, Master Solo already informed me of that. It's a long way from her… about 3-4 days' time. I'll put something together for you both. Is there a cooling unit on your ship? You could pack some perishables there" she suggested.

"Yes, there's one. I didn't know it was so far. I've never been to the core worlds, and this is my first time on Naboo… it's so beautiful. I hope we can come back here." She nodded and smiled at before answering "Yes, I hope you both come back as well. I can see this trip here has done you so well Miss Rey. How… are things with Master Solo?"

Her question was odd, I definitely sensed some hesitation in her asking it, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I tried to search her mind conspicuously, but she was doing a good job at keeping me at bay from her thoughts.

"Well… things have actually been quite amazing. It's felt better than before he… was gone. He even proposed…" I said looking down and grabbing the little japor snippet in my hand.

"I'm so excited for you! Ben was like a brother to me when we were younger… I think he's definitely found his perfect match in you miss."

I smiled and thanked her, and we continued packing for our journey.

**Ben**

"BB8 I don't want to leave this ship behind but it's too…it's a red flag. It's recognizable everywhere, it used to belong to the resistance. We'd either be chased or shot down eventually. Not everyone out there was a sympathizer. My mother told me there was a ship under the grounds, I think it was my grandmother's. We might be able to use that." BB8 beeped disapprovingly, but followed me around nonetheless.

I knew where the entrance was, I had seen my mother use it when she had to leave for emergency meetings. The little droid followed me around when I came out to fix the ship Rey had flown here and hadn't left my side since. I was a little surprised, but this droid was very… friendly. He was easily attached to humans, even after I was chasing him down to dissect him for not-so-very-good purposes.

Once we found the entrance to the ship we made sure to check it for any issues it may have. I wasn't surprised to find it was ready to go at any moment's notice, no doubt the head of the household had kept it in shape.

I sat in the cockpit of the ship and just thought about… everything. The dream Rey had last night and even mine…

I had a dream of a memory, a memory from when I was ten years old. My mother and father had been arguing because my father wanted to leave again. It was a few days before my birthday and mama was trying to convince him to stay for me. It was all I had wanted, to spend my 11thbirthday with both of my parents.

It didn't happen of course, it was one of many nights that I thought I would cry until I was asleep.

But I remember lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for hours, I had felt anxious, uneasy. I couldn't tell why, but then I felt it, I felt a strange pulse in the Force. It was like an explosion inside of me that turned into a warm fire on a cold night. I ran to the window and looked towards the moon on Chandrilla, I felt like someone was calling me from far away.

In the reflection of the window I saw a face, it was a baby. When I had first seen this, I thought I was hallucinating, I thought it was like the strange cold and dark presence I had often felt, but this one was inviting, and it called to me.

After that, the dark thing in my mind came to me more often and eventually I forgot about the light that had made me feel for a moment that I wasn't really alone.

After the dream I had realized that Rey had always been there, I had felt the warmth many times throughout my life and would see glimpses of her. I would turn a corner and think I'd see a girl, I would be alone in my room and would hear a laugh or a cry. They were whispers here and there but, they all made sense now.

She was always there, and she would always be.

"Hey BB8, I need your help with something else. Wanna come into town with me?" The droid beeped happily and agreed, so we made our way to find Sage before going into town.


	37. Chapter 37

**Ch 37**

**Rey**

After we finished preparing the food I went back to the bedroom to check if we needed to pack anything else.

I was a little surprised to find Ben sitting on the edge of the bed, his head snapped up as soon as I entered the room.

"So, I saw you did some packing while I was gone. I have some news" he said.

I went into the closet to see if I could find anything else we could need, answering him as I went about my business. Lucky for me I was able to find a dark grey leather jacket. The material was thick, but it was surprisingly lightweight.

"Yes! I packed some of my clothing, no it wasn't half of this closet!" I heard him chuckle "And I eventually found Sage to help me pack some food for the time we are on our way to Coruscant"

"That's good, um well… we can't take your ship… it's not in the best shape and it's not conspicuous, it's recognizable in almost any system since it has the mark of the resistance. I would know." At this point I was back out of the closet and in the main room. I stopped right outside the door, sadness clearly visible on my face. I'd grown very fond of that ship.

"I was able to find another ship hidden here, it was my grandmothers. It's in great shape and will get us wherever we need to go"

That was a little unexpected, but I knew he was right.

"I understand, will we leave it here?" I asked

"Yes, I've already informed Sage, now on to the good news" he said getting up and walking towards me, taking my hand in the process "It's actually a surprise, I need you to get ready, Sage will come and help you and I'll meet you for dinner on the big balcony?" I was curious, I tried to look into his mind, but it was shut tight.

"You're deliberately trying to keep me out… what are you up to?" I demanded, I wasn't angry, but I hated surprises.

He smirked that sideways smile I loved "It's a surprise… I only hope you like it as much as I imagine… Now get ready, I'll see you in about an hour?"

I rolled my eyes but nodded and planted a kiss on his lips. As he walked out, Sage walked in with a very big bag and a pair of shoes, some jewelry hanging from her arms.

"Sage! What's all this?" I asked in surprise

"It's a surprise! Master Solo has arranged everything and ask that I help you get ready, so, let's begin!"

_…1 hour later…_

"Sage can I look? You've kept me away from the mirror long enough" I said between laughs. The only thing I had been able to see was the dress. It was off the shoulder and had sheer bell-shaped sleeves. The neckline was v shaved and revealed some cleavage. The skirt was made of a similar silky and flowy fabric and there were pink and red flowers from the hem and up towards the bodice. I felt like spring had thrown up on me.

"Okay! We are all done… Miss Rey you look stunning"

She grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me to face the vanity. I was shocked.

I was wearing light makeup and a burgundy lip color. My hair was in a low bun with a few curly tendrils framing face.

I suddenly got a weird feeling… but it couldn't be no, we were just having dinner…

"Okay! Let's go come on! It's time for uh… dinner!" she said grabbing my hand pulling me away.

She basically pulled me out the door and down the hall running. The short white heels she's put me in were making it difficult to not trip every step.

We made it to the door that led to the massive balcony that overlooked the lake and my heart began to beat faster. She opened the door and Ben was standing at the balcony in a black ensemble (shocker) but it had a cape and I could see the cape was lined in red on the inside. He turned around and for a second, I could see he was… in awe. I was embarrassed, I still wasn't used to him thinking I was beautiful. I wasn't used to feeling attractive.

"Rey… you look… like an angel…" he said taking a few steps close to me, slowly.

"Ben what is this?" I asked, avoiding his statement. If this is what I think it is, I don't know how I feel about it.

"I um…" he took a deep breath and then took the remaining steps towards me and grabbed one of my hands, then led me towards the balustrade.

The view was stunning, the sun was just setting, it would be completely dark in an hour.

"I think you know that my grandparents were married secretly here, at sunset. They did it because… they were afraid to lose each other and… that they would regret not being together as one."

He reached into his pocket and pulled a small blue velvet box and opened it. Inside there were two silver rings, one bigger than the other. The smaller band looked like woven vines and it had small diamonds here and there, the bigger one was also woven vines, but it had no diamonds on it.

"We are already one in mind and soul… but I want to be tied to you in every way possible. I want… I want us to marry here and now… if you'll have me. I know it's sudden but-"

"Stop, Ben" I rubbed my temples and cut him off, I took a deep breath and took a minute to think. "

"It is sudden… but… "I reached my hand up to stroke the side of his face as I continued "I want to yours just as much… you're right. I don't think we should wait and… I want to honor that memory of your grandparents."

He smiled that smile I loved. The one from Exogol. The one that no one had seen but me, and the one that made me feel like I would die if I never got to see it again.


	38. Chapter 38

**Ch 38**

**Ben**

"Ben Solo, do you wish to take this woman, Rey, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

I nodded a little too excited and smiled as we continued to hold hands. "Yes, yes even after death"

"And Rey, do you take Ben Solo as your lawfully wedded husband?"

We hadn't stopped looking into each other's eyes the entire time. As soon as she accepted this last-minute wedding plan, I had Sage bring the holy man in. I had him wait while I asked her if she would get married now.

It was true though, I didn't want to leave this world knowing we could be apart for any given amount of time. I wanted us to be together even after death.

"Yes! Yes, I do, even beyond death, I take him" she said smiling.

"Then I now pronounce husband and wife, by the power invested in me and given to me by the galactic republic, I pronounce you husband and wife. Mr. Solo, you may kiss your bride"

He didn't need to give permission, before the words were out of his mouth, Rey had already jumped into my arms and our lips joined in a soft, yet passionate kiss.

From behind us, I heard BB8 beep, interrupting the kiss. I was a little bothered, but he sounded impatient.

"Ben! Rey!" we heard Sage yell as she ran through the doors that led towards the inside of the estate.

"Sage what's going on?" I asked her as she approached us slightly breathless.

_Do you feel it? Something's here…_Rey thought.

Our bond was opened, we expanded our senses and searched for the danger, for any warning the Force might bring.

"There's someone on the other side of shore, two men in a resistance ship just landed and they're looking for Rey." I looked down at her, her expression was blank.

Suddenly she went running towards the door and I instinctly ran after her.

_Rey what is it? Who's here?!_

_Finn and Poe…. I don't know how they found me, maybe they tracked the ship I took, maybe BB8 I… I don't know…_

_Calm down! If it's them we need a plan, Rey… STOP!_

I made her freeze, like the time in the forest of Takodana.

_Stop please… I need to talk to them Ben…_

_I will… let you go but what… how? What will you say?_

_I don't know… but please… let me try… you can listen through me but let me try…_

I sighed

_Okay… I'll listen but if things get out of hand I'm coming to you._

_Okay. _And with that I let her go and felt the wall in her mind lower enough that I could project myself into her world. No one could see me, this was like all the other times we'd connected.

She picked up her skirt again and kept running towards the entrance and I followed after her in full pursuit.

Once she reached the main entrance by the stairs that led to the dock I saw the two she sensed. Poe Dameron and Finn, the stormtrooper that betrayed the Order. I didn't hold it against him, not anymore. I admired him from having left much sooner than I had and sometimes I thanked him.

Following him is what had led me to Rey in a way.

"Rey! What… are you wearing? Is this a dress? What's the occasion?" asked Finn

"It's… a long story um… I'll explain later but what are you guys doing here?"

That's where Dameron stepped in, him I wasn't sure about. My mother came to love him like if he were her son… I envied him.

**_He took your mother from you, he dared to question your power in that interrogation… what will you do? _**Whispered the darkness.

Rey stiffened at the cold, drowning feeling that ran through the bond, but continued talking, I could see she kept her hands behind her to hide the ring.

"I've missed you both… how is everything in the new republic?"

"Well that's what we came here to ask you about, we got a call from town saying they saw what looked like Ben Solo. We still have contacts here and there were refugees from the Order who managed to escape us. We know you were connected to him, have you… heard anything?" asked Dameron as he studied her. She should have changed clothes, we should have had a different plan…

"Yea and why are you wearing this dress?" piped Finn in.

"Um well… I uh… Naboo is big on fashion and this is just how they dress for dinner. You should see how we dress to go into town"

"Wait… why are you on Naboo?" asked Dameron

"Just… wait let me explain…" she put her hands up in a cautioning gesture, it was a mistake, whatever sunlight was left made the ring flash and their eyes instantly were drawn to it.

"He's here… you're married to him, Rey… we have to arrest him."

Said Poe pulling out a blaster. Ha, that wouldn't really do much. Suddenly I felt an anger rise from Rey and she force pushed them into the water, it was strong enough that she pushed me out of our link too.

"Rey!" I screamed and ran to her, I didn't have to run far, we ended up running into each other right by the dining room.

"We have to go, grab what you can and meet me in the kitchen, there's a hidden door that leads to a hangar."

She nodded and ran the opposite way that I did, I looked after her, feeling like history was somehow repeating itself.

**Rey**

I ran as fast as I could to the bedroom and grabbed our prepacked bags, good thing I had taken the time to do that.

I ran as fast as I could knowing that by now Poe and Finn were surely out of the water and looking for us. Thank the Force the estate was huge and confusing.

I made it to the kitchen maybe five minutes after I had talked to Ben, Sage was there

"Here is the food we packed, now go! Through the pantry, there is a hatch on the ground, good luck!" she yelled after me as I kept running in the direction she pointed.

I didn't have to find the hatch, Ben was holding it open.

"Rey! Stop!" I heard someone call behind me, as soon as I began to turn I felt something hot and painful graze my leg and I was suddenly on the ground.

"Rey!" Ben screamed and pulled my body through the hatch and carried me towards the shiny silver ship that was waiting.

"Ben they… found us… the supplies…"

"Don't worry about that now. I need you to keep that hatch close until we can leave" I nodded and looked over his shoulder at the hatch and concentrated.

The pain in my leg was making it hard but I knew they couldn't open it based on the pounding I was hearing. I was grateful it was metal, there was no way they could shoot their way through it.

We were inside the ship in almost no time and by now my leg was extremely numb.

Ben sat me in the co-pilots chair at an angle and he began the flying sequence at an unbelievable speed.

"Where should are we going? We need to hide, lay low for a while..." I said, wincing at the pain in my leg as I tried to readjust myself to sit in a more comfortable position.

He felt my pain and I felt his anger in return.

"Ben I'm fine… just focus on getting us out of here…" I reached out with my hand and rested it on his arm.

I was always surprised at how firm they were, his physique was definitely strong, that of a warrior, but on the inside, he was the exact opposite, he was sweet and tender and loving…

He chuckled. Shoot he'd heard me…

"I love you Mrs. Solo… and we're on our way to Thyferra, it's a very small planet. We should be there by tomorrow. We're taking off so strap in"

I did a salute and did as was told, the ship started to move, and a ramp lowered and led out to what looked like a field.

My hand gripped tighter around Ben's arm and he caressed me with his mind, sending love and care into me.

I knew no matter where we went, that we would be okay.


	39. Chapter 39

**Ch 39**

**Rey**

"So, what's in Thyferra?" I asked as we made our way through hyperspace to this strange new place.

"Well it's a very humid planet, it's where the galaxy gets most, if not all of its bacta. There's one major human city called Xucphra, it's not very big, maybe 10,000 humans at most, but it's conspicuous enough that we can lay low for a few days. There's an old outpost from the days of the rebellion that I think we'd be able to stay in."

I nodded, clearly, he'd been able to come up with a plan much faster than I ever could, no doubt his knowledge from being Supreme Leader was coming in handy right about now.

I yawned, suddenly realizing how tired I was becoming.

Ben noticed and took his restraints off and then removing mine.

"What are you doing?!" I asked as he picked me up, I didn't mind, but I was very capable of walking myself to a cot or something if I needed to sleep.

"You are most definitely not able to walk, your leg, remember? We'll fix it up in a second" he said very matter of fact.

What did he have in mind?

He took me to a small cabin on the ship, it had a bed just big enough that we would have to lay very close together and Ben's feet might dangle off the edge.

I wasn't worried about being close, since he'd come back we couldn't sleep if we were far away physically. It felt… unnatural, lonely and cold.

He lay me down with my head resting on the pillows. I looked down at the dress and saw the giant tear the blaster had made. The beautiful white fabric was brown where it had been burnt by the shot.

"Tragic… I actually loved this dress, it's like wearing a cloud" I said as I lifted the skirt up to expose my wound. Ben chuckled, but it wasn't a normal laugh, I could sense something was off.

"Ben what is it? What's bothering you?" I motioned with my hand for him to come sit next to me. Instead he sat next to the leg that was injured, the slight movement of him sitting made my leg bounce a little and I felt the pain course through my leg. I winced, he noticed.

"That Rey… I can't believe I let you go out there alone, now look at what they've done to you! As your husband I should be doing a better job of protecting you and I failed… I swear if I ever lay eyes on either one of those bastards I swear…." He trailed off

"Ben… this wasn't your fault… this wasn't anyone's fault. We both knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, we knew that once you came back, people might recognize you… but now we have to do what we need to do and take care of us… Ben look at me!" I shouted, I took a few deep breaths and let myself calm down "You have to let the past go… I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about what happened or what you did. That wasn't you!"

"Yes, it was Rey… I may have been fully submerged in the darkness but to a certain extent it was me. And you have to live with both parts me of until you die now." He said and the tone he gave me was one that implied nothing else would be discussed… for now. I sighed and started to take out the bun in my hair and I kicked off the heels. My feet had gotten calloused over the years from scavenging, climbing, fighting…nothing had prepared me for the pain that heels would bring.

Ben sighed too and grabbed my leg.

"What are you doing?" I protested, but he closed his eyes and seemed to be concentrating as he put his hand over the gash in my leg. It had catharized, as blaster wounds do, but it still hurt like seven hells. In a fraction of a second, it was like there had never been a wound in my leg in the first place.

"Thank you… we should uh… be careful when using that particular power… last time you used it you died…" I said choking on the last word.

"You're right, emergency's only, until we can figure out more about this connection." His tone was very businesslike, and he got up and walked towards the door "You should get some rest, I'll be in the cockpit if you need anything"

I was left in the room with my thoughts, not very good ones.

Is this what my marriage would be like until I died? Had we already gone through the honeymoon period before we had actually gotten married?

I sighed and got up, stretching and testing my leg. It felt a little stiff, but it was fine outside of that. I walked into the fresher and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a little disheveled, there were bags under my eyes and my hair was a tangled mess.

I wasn't in the mood for a shower, so I just splashed water on my face and combed my fingers through my hair as best as I could. I wondered if Ben had been able to somehow get our clothes on board, the dress was beginning to get uncomfortable.

I looked around the cabin but was unable to find anything that looked like the bag I had packed.

I did notice there was what looked like a closet door next to the main door. I opened it and lo and behold, there were some very old tunics. Some looked like old Jedi Robes, some were definitely feminine. I grabbed a feminine one, it was a teal color with gold stitching. I put it on and it fell just past my knees. The fabric was very silky and satin like, on the hanger was a gold sash that I tied around my waist.

I braided my hair, I had nothing to tie the end with, so I left it lose, it would have to do for now. I sighed and went and laid back down on the bed. I had so many thoughts, but I was also exhausted.

And so, I eventually succumbed to it, in between thoughts of how to help Ben, what to do with Finn and Poe, and if I had made the right decision in getting married.


	40. Chapter 40

**Ch 40**

**Ben**

I sat in the cockpit and stared out into the flashing stars of lightspeed travel. I had too many thoughts and at the same time my thoughts were blank.

Is this really how marriage was supposed to be? Had we completely used up the honeymoon period when we were at Varykino? Had we made the right choice?

In my heart I knew we had, I loved Rey more than anyone, more than myself.

But our fights were always terrible, we always ended up hurting each other more than we intended. It was pure rage and anger and hurt, that's why things around us seemed to go to chaos.

Why the earth split on star killer base, why that ship had blown up when we tried to pull it, why the light saber had split after killing Snoke.

Our pain was dangerous when directed at each other, and if we didn't fix this we might as well have never gotten married.

I might as well have never come back.

"That's not entirely true darling" said a familiar voice behind me. I turned in my seat and saw my grandparents standing there, enveloped in blue light.

It was my grandmother who had spoken, my grandfather soon followed.

"She's right, you know you're meant to be together. Even if you were t go your separate ways, the Force wouldn't allow it. Deep down you both know that, you have to become one in every way to be truly balanced. In mind, body and soul."

My grandmother stepped forward, everything about her was so regal, so majestic, so beautiful. I wish I could have met her in person.

She was only 27 when she died.

"Your grandfather is right. To be balanced, you must be joined through every part of yourselves. It will take training, we will help you." She said with a smile "Well your grandfather will help, I'll be here for moral support"

"Yes, and right now I think you guys are going to have to talk and apologize. First lesson, neither one is ever right, nor wrong, everyone has a contribution and you have to humbly accept it"

I sighed, they were both right. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, when I looked back up after a few seconds, they were gone.

Now I was frustrated, I knew we had to talk but what was I supposed to say? Apologizing wasn't usually in my nature.

I got up and walked towards the bedroom, the door was slightly jar but I knocked, I didn't want to barge in in case she was… *gulp* naked.

_Mind. Body. Soul._

I had never seen any woman naked, I had never been intimate with one… this scared me more than anything…

I received no answer, so I pushed the door open and she was lying in bed, sound asleep. She had somehow found a change of clothes. I was curious as to where she found them, so I began to look around.

I instantly noticed a door was slightly ajar right by where I was standing. I opened it and was able to find a dark grey shirt, a lot of old Jedi robes, and weirdly, a black leather jacket. I took it out and decided to hang it on the door handle to the small closet.

I took off the wedding ensemble and put on the grey shirt I had grabbed, I instantly felt a lot more comfortable. I turned around and saw Rey had shifted slightly. Her mouth hung open a little, the lose tendrils falling around her face.

She was so angel like, so pure and full of hope. I would do anything to keep her that way. Safe and untainted and happy.

I sighed and suddenly felt exhausted. I knew we had about a day and a half before arriving to Thyferra.

I went back to the cockpit and set the ship for autopilot, it would send an alert once we arrived, but I knew I wouldn't sleep an entire da, maybe just a few hours would be fine.

I was wary of my next move, but I lay in the bed as gently as possible, trying not to disturb her or invade her space.

It didn't go well, as soon as I laid down she, on instinct perhaps, scoot closer to me. The bed was way smaller than the one on Varykino so we were extremely cramped.

Her head now rested against my shoulder and her hand draped itself across my chest.

It wasn't long before I put my free arm over the one she had draped over me. She sighed in her sleep and I was overtaken by how tired I was. I went to sleep with thoughts of how I never wanted to feel distant from her, in any way shape or form.


	41. Chapter 41

**Ch 41**

**Rey**

I slept deeply, with dreams of fields and flowers and the sun kissing my bare skin.

"Momma!" I heard a small voice scream behind me.

"Momma look at us!" I turned around to see two equally beautiful dark-haired children. The boy had my eye color, a shade of hazel that shifted in the light. The girl had blue eyes like her grandfather, and both had their fathers skin color.

"They're beautiful…" I heard Ben say as he grabbed my hand. I looked up and smiled at him as we made our way to the twins.

We sat on the grass with them, I had never seen Ben be so gentle, so happy. His smile only widened as he carried the beautiful little girl in his arms and gave her a kiss.

Suddenly, the wind began to blow, it was a soft breeze at first, nothing serious, but as time passed the wind became faster and colder. It sent a child down my spine.

_This life is not for you scavenger… you will kill them all. You will hurt them. Ben doesn't love you enough to give you a child…_

The voice traveled with the wind, in the horizon I could see a dark cloud was looming towards us. I grabbed the little boy and held him against my chest. I would do anything to him safe, my darling son.

"Momma I'm scared he said" I looked down, but my eyes went wide with fear… something dark… like ink was spreading from his neck towards his face. I looked towards Ben where he was holding our daughter.

The darkness was spreading to them too… I looked down, but my boy was gone… everything was disappearing with the wind… I was left alone in the darkness….

_Oh, Rey from nowhere… you lived alone… and you will die alone… join us Rey… we will always keep you company…_

I sat up startled, sweat making my hair stick to the side of my face. The room was dark, and I was gasping for air.

What was wrong with me?

"Rey? Rey what's wrong? What was that?" said Ben. The sound of his voice startled me, I didn't know he was also sleeping next to me. He sat up and put a hand on my shoulder, "It's okay I'm right here just try to calm down… I saw the end of your dream…"

I shook my head as the images jumped in my head. The two children. The dark voice. The cold wind. The darkness spreading everywhere…

"I don't know… I don't know where that came from… Sometimes I can hear the darkness call to me, but that felt so… intrusive and unnatural. It wasn't like before, where I could suppress most of it"

"Rey, Ben…" said a voice in front of us, it was Anakin. "You have to train, you have to become balanced together. Once you reach your destination, I'll try to help as much as I can. Rey you were balanced once, but now Ben is here. The dyad is complete, but you have to learn to balance each other out, otherwise one will overpower the other and it can have serious consequences for everyone"

I started to get a headache, so much had happened in one day, how far were we still from Thyferra?

At that moment a beeping sound went off and Anakin was gone. Ben got up and went towards the cockpit of the ship, I followed after. I refuse to stay in the dark room, it felt so cold and lonely… it felt like the darkness would swallow me and I would gladly drown in it.

I sat in the co-pilot seat, Ben had started the landing sequences, we had just dropped out of hyperspace.

The planet wasn't very big, but it was covered in green and some blue patches. There were cloud everywhere, and the areas that were somewhat clear were covered in a strange foggy film.

"What is that fog…?" I asked out loud.

"It's humidity, Thyferra is full of tropical jungles. It's hot and the air is wet… it's like steam. It'll be a very warm climate, I hope you like bugs, I hear the ones native to here can be rather big…" he said with a smile. I smiled back and suddenly felt an awkwardness as thick as the atmosphere of that planet. We needed to address the elephant in the room.

"Ben… we need to talk. I hate fighting with you. It never ends well for anyone…" I said reaching for a button that he couldn't reach from his side.

He sighed "I know… I hate fighting. Look Rey I… I'm sorry I was angry. I just… I've hurt you before, physically, mentally… and I hate myself for it every day. It's hard for me to understand how you could be with someone who's done the things I've done. Protecting you from harm… it's something I promised myself I would do to atone for the past mistakes…I can't bear to see anyone, or anything hurt you. It hurts me too"

I could understand that easily, even physically, his pain was my pain and vice versa.

"I understand… but can you please try to just accept the fact that I love you? I don't feel alone with you, I feel safe and warm… and I feel things I can't explain Ben. So, can you just… hang on to that and let go of what happened? If we don't let that go, we'll never be able to move on and be happy. Please… this… this is hurting me too" he turned to look at me abruptly. I met the look in his eyes, he was horrified… I could even feel it through or semi-closed bond.

"I… don't want to hurt you… I… shouldn't have come back." He said.

Kriff not this again…

"Ben you have to understand that relationships aren't perfect. Either I will hurt you, or you will hurt me. It's not about avoiding hurt, it's about learning and working through it. Now we are married, and we promised to do this even after death. Are you going to stick by it or not?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Ch 42**

**Ben**

"Are you going to stick by it or not?" she asked, her tone conveying that this would make or break our relationship.

I sighed and thought. I knew I couldn't lose her. I was way too selfish to let her go, I would die before I let her leave my side again. A world without Rey was like a world without the Sun, without meaning or purpose.

"I will… stick by it. I just need you to please… please be patient with me. I'm trying my best and I'm sorry I hurt you…" I hung my head low and finished the landing sequence and final coordinates for the ship to land. We made our way towards the atmosphere and I felt her mind caress mine. I knew she was trying to tell me something, so I let her in.

_Don't shut me out please… I love you._

_I know… I'm not trying to I just… don't know what to say…thank you… and I love you too Princess… _

She reached over and grabbed my hand and I looked up to meet her eyes. I leaned forward and kissed the top of her head and our hands stayed intertwined, until we landed. I was lucky enough to one, have General Leia be my mother, and two, be Supreme Leader. I had knowledge of hundreds of places like this across the galaxy that were no longer inhabited.

The base was concealed in the jungle, there was a small clearing right by it where we landed the ship, and river not too far.

The city was also close enough that we could take a speeder and be there in less than 30 minutes. I knew this base had been used to store supplies for the rebellion once, it was under the radar since the planet was so small and the weather less than practical.

As soon as we stepped outside, the humidity in the air hit us, I instantly started sweating and my clothes stuck to me like a second skin.

"You know I usually don't mind the heat but this… this is kind of suffocating" she said as she shielded her eyes from the blazing sun.

"Yea humid weather is… not the best, but it'll have to do for now. Until things blow over."

"How long do you think we'll stay here?" I could tell she was worried about hiding, she wasn't a fan of running away.

"I'm hoping only 1-2 weeks, we can go into town after we tour the facility and see what's left and get some supplies. We might need clothes too, these may not be the best for this weather…" she nodded, and we descended down the ramp.

The base was carefully hidden beneath the trees, from the opposing side it looked like a mound of dirt, rocks and other debris, concealing the entrance.

The entrance was sealed, which wouldn't be a problem. I didn't know the entry code, but Rey had her saber. She had managed to keep in with her at all times somehow… even under all those layers of fabric.

"Can I use it? We need to cut a hole through the door." She looked at me and answered. "I don't mind, but you don't have to do that, here" she said as she walked up to the control panel and opened it. I saw her pull some wires out and tinker with them.

Whatever she did, she was able to get the door to open. A few small rodent-like creatures ran out as soon as the door opened, it was dark and stuffy inside.

Rey was able to instantly find the light switches by the door. I was happy to know she was the more tech savvy one of us, otherwise we'd be screwed.

We walked around the facility, it was literally a giant storage bin. There were a few speeders against one wall. Some radio equipment on the opposite side and 4 doors in the back. We walked towards the doors and decided to each check two rooms out. One of mine was a cleaning closet, full of cleaning supplies and medical kits. It wasn't a very big room, but those medical supplies may come in handy… hoping they weren't expired.

The room next to it was some sort of kitchen, it had a stove and some essential cooking supplies and a cooling unit. I walked over and found it was empty.

"Well my rooms were fairly small… what did you find?" I said coming out of the kitchen and walking towards the room Rey was in. It was a bedroom, but it held 5 small cots. There was a closet that she was rummaging through and had pulled thin blankets and other linens.

There was also some sort of net among them, probably to keep large mosquitoes and such away from people at night.

"We might be able to put the cots together somehow and make one big bed on the ground or something. Gods know you're far too tall to fit in just the one." She said laughing.

I laughed with her and proceeded to try and do so. The mattresses were pretty thick, I grabbed two of the bed sheets and laid them down to make one giant one.

Under different circumstances, this would be a very romantic situation for Rey and me to…

"Oh! here's the 'fresher!" she yelled, thankfully interrupting my train of thought.

Mind. Body. Soul.

I looked over and she had disappeared behind the door. I found a few hangers and was able to hang the net aver or makeshift bed. Who knew what kind of bugs flew out here.

She came out of the 'fresher smoothing her tunic out. Her hair was rebraided and tied this time.

"The room next door is just full or armor, ammo and some blasters. We should probably put some on the ship just in case."

"You're right come on let's go see if those old speeders work. There's no food or water, 5thankfully" At this point it would have been rotten beyond recognition "and maybe some clothes…these are too thick for this place." She nodded and walked over to me. I took her hand in mine and we walked towards the main room once again.


	43. Chapter 43

**Ch 43**

**Rey**

"No, I need you to hand me the wrench that I'm pointing at!" I yelled at Ben.

"Would you stop yelling at me? You're starting to stress me out!" he said back as he finally handed me the right wrench, on the fifth try.

"I'm sorry I just… I get in this mood when I get to fix things and just really focus so I'm sorry if I get kind of… angry when it doesn't go the way I expect" I said cringing as I finished retightening the last bolt on the speeder.

"It's okay, that's how I was when I used to draw" he said as he helped me get up.

"You used to draw?! How come you never told me about this?" I said smiling up at him.

I saw the tips of his ears turn red, I think he was embarrassed to talk about this.

"Well… kind of. I know we don't use paper things to read or print, but, I used to practice calligraphy"

"What is call… cagriph…?" that got him to laugh.

"Calligraphy, it's writing very artistically, you can add colors and different styles, sizes in letters, small drawings. Anything really, I can show you if you want."

He the climbed on to the speeder and I climbed on behind him. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I would love that"

It was about a 30-minute rise on the speeder to Xucphra City from the base. There weren't many tall buildings. I could only see about 3 or 4 of them. Ben told me one was a flight station, one was a hospital, and he wasn't too sure about the other two. He assumed one was probably for transporting or creating bacta kits and such.

We ended up parking the speeder outside of a restaurant. The restaurant was in the middle of a wide plaza, which was currently occupied by a giant street market.

Vendors were all shouting in different languages and dialects, trying to sell fruits, meats, and whatever they could to make a living.

I'd never seen one before, it was so… beautiful in a way.

I felt Ben take my hand and we made our way around the market.

We purchased various tropical looking fruits. One in particular had caught my attention for its bright orange color and purple seed. The vendor offered me a slice and when I bit it my mouth exploded with a juicy and sweet flavor.

I could feel Ben's amusement at my reaction to eating such a strange and new fruit.

_You're adorable, we can take some with us. Anything else princess?_

He asked through the bond. I instantly started sampling as much as I could, to the point my mouth went a little numb from trying so many new things.

We kept walking around for about an hour. We bought some bread and meat, enough to last us a week. Eventually we found a stand that sold clothing. It was rather large, so we split up and looked for our own clothing.

I was able to find two shirts, one grey and one white, both with ¾ sleeves. A black leather jacket and two pairs of black pants. I also found a belt with a holster that wrapped around the thigh. I was also able to find a pair of knee-high black boots. I would probably keep wearing this tunic until we left Thyferra, but it wouldn't be practical for the wherever we were going after this.

I made my way to the paying station where Ben was waiting with some of the bags in his hands.

"I already paid for my things, ready?" I nodded, and he paid for my clothing.

When the cashier took his payment card he saw when I held his hand and started screaming in a strange language I couldn't recognize.

Ben weirdly answered back in the same language.

After a few seconds Ben pulled me away.

"What was that about?"  
"I guess on Thyferra it's not customary for people to wear wedding bands. He said to them it's a sign of owning a slave. I told him we were from another planet and were not aware." He said shrugging.

I looked back at the green alien and couldn't help but notice the somewhat worried look on his face.

"We should get moving. It's going to rain soon"

I looked up at the sky and sure enough, thick grey clouds were beginning to form.

The air around us was super warm still, would this mean warm rain would be warm?

I'd only seen rain on Ach-To and it was cold, but beautiful. I loved how fresh and clean you could feel after the rain, how it felt like everything could be washed away by it.

When we got to the speeder a few giant drops began to fall.

By the time we reached the base the rain fell harder and harder.

We were completely soaked. Luckily, the food and clothes were in a small compartment inside the speeder, keeping it dry.

Ben and I grabbed everything as fast as we could, and we ran into the base. We were completely soaked as we set everything down on the ground. Our sprint had caused us to feel a little out of breath.

We left the door opened, and on an impulse, I ran back out.

I stood in the rain for what felt like hours. Laughing, holding my arms wide open and at one point I started dancing and jumping in the rain.

I knew in that moment that I would never feel more at peace than in the rain.


	44. Chapter 44

**Ch 44**

**Ben**

I watched her from inside the base. She was swinging her arms around and dancing in the rain. There was a giant smile on her face and I could feel her joy through the bond. It was almost overwhelming.

She looked so at peace and beautiful as the rain fell down her face and drenched every part of her. Even the way the tunic she wore clung to every curve on her body…

_Mind. Body. Soul_

I suddenly began to notice the excitement course through my body and how it turned into flames coursing through my veins.

_She doesn't desire you… she loathes you… that's why she's out there and not here with you by your side… her marrying you means nothing._

I shook my head and felt a shiver run down my spine.

I looked at Rey and drew from the light she was exuding. It felt warm and the cold voice in my head instantly stopped.

I walked out to Rey and caught her mid-spin. The rain was warm, it felt like a warm shower in the winter.

She smiled up at me and I could see the warm climate of the planet had given her a slight tan. Her freckles were more prominent.

She was such an angel…

I leaned down and kissed her. I wanted her in every way.

The kiss was soft at first and wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her closer. The other hand caressed her face.

I wanted to be closer to her still, so close we became one person…

"Mnmmhm" she muffled through our kiss. I pulled away and looked down at her.

Her eyes were glossy… there was something mischievous about them…

"Not here… we should um… we should head inside…" she suggested.

If her mind was where mine was heading, then she was absolutely right.

She grabbed my hand and led me inside, the warmth from the rain suddenly leaving our bodies and we began to shiver.

"I t-think w-we sh-should-d ch-ang-g-e" she said between teeth chattering. I nodded, and we grabbed the clothes we had just bought and the food and the first stop, was our bedroom.

**Rey**

The bed in the middle of the room suddenly looked enormous and imposing. I knew that sex was a normal part of marriage and we hadn't yet… done the dee. It was strange, I was nervous, and I was terrified that I wouldn't know what to do.

I gulped and looked at Ben, was he feeling just as nervous as I was? I couldn't tell. My anxiety was blocking everything, even our connection.

"I um… I'm going to try and get some food ready. I'm kind of hungry, I'll be back in a few minutes?" he said. I looked towards him and I could see his eyes were kind of… gone. He was nervous too.

"Um yes darling, I would love that. I'm going to dry off and grab something else to wear."

"I'll do the same, you can take the 'fresher, I'll stay out here and change too" he said. I nodded and grabbed my bag of clothes and headed for the 'fresher.

Along the stands I had also picked up some other essential items like undergarments and a hair and toothbrush. I had also managed to grab sleeping shirt. It was white and tunic like. It looked like a man's shirt to be honest, but it was comfortable and something I wouldn't feel too self-conscious in.

I brushed my hair and realized it was getting ridiculously long. It was almost past my waist.

I had found a pair of old scissors in the 'fresher earlier, so I decided to cut to my mid back. The process didn't take as long as I thought, but I needed to get the nerves out.

So, I brushed my hair again, getting rid of any little strands left from the cutting.

I took a deep breath and told myself everything would be fine, that this was normal…

But the butterflies wouldn't leave no matter what I did so I put on my best brave face and walked out to the bedroom.

Ben was there in only sleeping pants. His hair was glistening, it was still damp, but it was so beautiful.

I always loved his hair. The color, the curls, how easily I could run my fingers through it…

I couldn't take my eyes off his bare top half. His arms were so muscular, but the skin was so soft, and his touch was always so gentle and yet he could easily kill anyone with a snap on his fingers.

He looked up as I approached the makeshift bed. I looked around and saw he had brought out some food and water. It was mostly some bread and some of the meat we had bought and vegetables.

There were four candles in a bowl looking… thing, to keep them standing up.

"I found those in the back of a shelf in the kitchen… I tried the light switch in here, but it wasn't working and it's getting dark out. I figured we could use them while we're eating at least."

I nodded and sat cross legged on the mattress. It was a little hard and uncomfortable, but it was better than the floor. I'd definitely had worse.

We ate in silence.

It was unbelievably awkward, I was still extremely nervous.

I was only really able to eat a few bites of bread and even less of the meat and veggies.

"You cut your hair?"

I nodded "Yea, it was getting too long and hard to manage"

The water I definitely scarfed down, I felt extremely warm all over, and it wasn't coming from the humid weather around us.

"I'm scared too… I can't feel you… I think we are… subconsciously blocking each other out with our nerves" he said, it was almost as low as a whisper.

"I have… never done this before… I'm scared Ben, I don't want you to not like it or… or not like me or… what if I do something wrong?"

He gave a sideways smile and he had a relieved look on his face.

"I feel the same way… and I… don't want to hurt you physically" he said looking down, I caught his ears turn red at the tips. He was embarrassed.

I took a deep breath and moved closer until I was kneeling in front of him. I took his hands in mine and looked at him until our eyes met.

"I want us to… try and I want us to enjoy it and just… act out of love. Can you promise you'll do the same?" I asked him.

He looked at me and leaned in to where our lips were barely touching.

"I promise" he said, and I crushed my lips against his.


	45. Chapter 45

Ch 45

Rey

The kiss was very passionate, and my heart was pounding in my chest. His tongue opened up my mouth and I felt his hands move to my thighs and he pulled me, so I was sitting in his lap and he wrapped his arms around me, so I didn't slide off.

His lips became slower, less insistent and his mouth began to move from mine to my neck. His lips were so soft and warm, and my body began to shiver. My hands wandered across his chest. His skin was so soft but the muscle underneath it was firm.

One hand grabbed behind his neck, pulling his closer to that spot on my neck that made me let out a soft moan.

My other hand began to move lower and lower down his chest, across his abdomen and reaching the band of his sleeping pants. I had never touched a man this way and I just let my hand play with the band. I was nervous about going any lower…

"It's okay Rey… that feels… good…" he said as if sensing my hesitation. The way he whispered those words in my ear had me feel warm and I could feel myself grow more excited.

So, I reached inside his pants and enjoyed the moans he gave as I touched him.

Ben

By gods how was she making me feel this way? How could anyone feel so much pleasure? It couldn't get any better than this could it?

I was wrong. I she stroked me I felt a hunger inside of me, she knew what I felt like. What was she like in her most private parts? I had never been with a woman… much less even seen one.

I grabbed her hand and pulled it out of my pants. My lips leaving that spot on her neck as I quickly pinned her underneath me on the mattress.

She gave out a small yelp in surprise and in the candlelit room I could see she was flushed. Through her sleeping shirt I could see the hint of her perked-up nipples.

I wanted to see every part of her, taste every corner, every area… I wanted to know all of her.

I went back to kissing her on the lips, the kisses were soft, and I began to trail from her mouth to her neck and then, when I reached the hem or shirt, I pulled it up slowly. As the fabric rose, my lips followed.

Her skin was soft and beautiful, so tanned. I kissed from her abdomen to her navel then up towards her chest and at this point, she was gasping for air.

I sat up slightly and grabbed her hands, so she could sit up.

"Ben Solo you're torturing me" she said with an embarrassed smile.

I laughed and stroked her face, "No, I'm merely enjoying the landscape princess" I said as I lifted the shirt from the bottom and over her head, leaving her in her underwear.

She instinctively tried to cover her chest, but I grabbed her hands and intertwined my fingers with hers as I lay her back down on her back.

My hands then slid down her arms and my body followed, landing on her breasts. They were so beautiful and perked up with excitement. I began to massage them with my hands slowly, earning a moan from her. My mouth then lowered and began to suck on each one of them. Her hands went from grabbing the sheets to grabbing the back of my head, pushing me lower, urging me to suck harder.

I could myself grow extremely hard, I knew I couldn't hold on for much longer. I needed to know how it would feel to be inside of her.

Rey

He was suddenly on his knees and I swear, I couldn't wait any longer. So, I got up under him and grabbed the band of his pants and pulled them down.

I could feel the shock through the bond, I don't think he expected me to be so bold. I wanted to become one with him. I could feel myself became slightly wet and warm between my legs.

Upon laying my eyes on his penis I became slightly nervous again. He was rather big, at least bigger than I expected. I'd never seen a man completely naked, I didn't know what the average anatomy was.

I gulped, and he lowered himself and kissed my lips. This kiss was hungry, and I met his passion with my own, kissing him back just as hard.

His body kept leaning forward towards me, to the point that I was forced on my back once more and his mouth kissed from my jaw all the way down to the band of my underwear.

My heart stopped suddenly. Something in my head told me to make him stop, it was like an alarm going on in my head, but my body reacted to every touch, every breath against my skin like it was made for him.

He lowered my panties and I pulled my legs up towards my chest, so he could take them off easily.

He tossed the black fabric to the side and he parted my legs. They instinctively wanted to close but he had a firm grip on my thighs.

He stared at me and it reminded me of the kiss we had on Exogol, like a blindman seeing the sun for the first time.

"You're so beautiful…" he said as his eyes met mine. I could feel myself blush and he leaned down and began to kiss the inside of my thighs.

Gods that felt so good, if only he would go a little higher… just a little more… please…

Instead I was met with him directly over me.

Part of the makeshift bed was up against a wall, we had put all the pillows we could find on the bed. He loved having a mountain of them.

"I want this to… be as comfortable for you as possible. I hear the first time can be a little painful" he said, I could hear he was just as out of breath as I was, his face was slightly flushed.

"I can lean against the pillows and we can go from there…?" I suggested, I just wanted to keep going. I could feel my head spin with how excited I had become. My clit was throbbing at this point.

He nodded, and we moved to the pillows against the wall.

I leaned against them and he was on top of me again, the candle light lighting up his eyes. He was so… "beautiful…" I said.

"What?" he asked

"You… you're beautiful… and I love you" I saw his eyes full of softness and lust and desire.

"And I love you…" he said before leaning down and kissing me on the lips again. I used one hand to reach up behind his head and pull him closer. The other roamed down and grabbed his member and I stroked him. A delicious moan went into my mouth and suddenly I felt his hand between my legs, rubbing the spot that had been screaming for attention.

I hadn't realized how wet I'd become until his hand went there. I couldn't hold back and I pulled my head back, my hands stopped what they were doing and I let out a huge moan and sigh.

"Are you ready?" he asked between gasps.

"Yes… please…" I begged him.

His hand stopped rubbing me and he positioned himself. I looked down between my legs and my hand helped lead him into my opening.

He hesitated for a second before pushing himself inside of me. It hurt in the moment, like something had torn and I let out a bit of a grunt. He stopped and gave me a minute to get adjusted to his size. My hands moved instinctively to his back.

As soon as that pain passed he kept pushing inside and with every inch that I felt inside of me, the deeper he went, the louder I moaned.

This shock of electricity coursed through my body, it felt like that time in the hut on Ach-To.

He moaned as he went deeper inside me too and once I thought he couldn't go any deeper, he began to thrust.

It was very slow at first and I couldn't hold back the soft moans I was letting out. My finger bean to dig into his skin and he groaned. He was trying so hard to be gentle, I could tell he was holding back.

I didn't want him to.

I looked into his eyes and then moved my hips to match his thrusts.

"I can take it…" I said between gasps of air.

He nodded, and his hands moved from being beside my head to under the small of my back. He thrust, harder and deeper, faster. My head leaned back, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. This was pure bliss, I could myself tighten against him… I could feel it… the release was coming…

"Let go Rey… I want to feel you lose control…" he whispered in my ear. Those word… they were…just enough.

"Oh my gods!" I screamed as I felt my body shiver around him and he gave a loud grunt as he thrust even faster and then he too, let out a scream, just as full if pleasure as mine.

He pulled out of me and instantly I felt so… empty. I didn't really like how it felt. I lay on my back for a second, breathless. Hanging on to the bliss in my body as long as it could last.


	46. Chapter 46

**Ch 46**

**Ben**

I pulled out from her and then lay next to her on my back. I was a little breathless. I didn't like not feeling connected to her, even physically. It felt so… odd.

I looked over at her and could see her cheeks were still flushed, she was staring at the ceiling.

I moved closer to her and slid my arm under her head. She instinctively put her hand on my chest and turned so she would be closer to me.

Holding her like this felt so freeing, surely our connection couldn't get any better than this. Could it?

"Are you alright sweetheart?" I asked her. I had tried to be gentle, but she could tell I was holding back. I really didn't want to hurt her.

She looked up at me with a sweet smile.

"It was amazing… I didn't that anyone could feel that good" she said as she reached up with her hand and touched my lips. I kissed each one of her fingers softly and with my hand I reached out to the Force to pull the thin sheets up to us.

I felt exhausted.

"I didn't either. You did wonderful Princess, I love you so much" I said as I wrapped my free arm over her. She sighed in contentment and soon after I felt her fall asleep, I lost my own battle to slumber soon after her.

I dreamt that night what most would consider a beautiful dream. Rey and I were making love again.

We were in a large field full of flowers and she was top, riding me at a steady pace. Once we were done we got up and walked towards a stream nearby. She went in first, by gods the sight of her naked drove me wild.

She looked like a goddess. When she came back out her belly had grown significantly. It was strange, it wasn't too big, but it was like a tumor. No other part of her body had gained any weight.

Then she caressed the bump and I could see she was talking to it.

That's when it hit me.

She was pregnant.

I could feel a rage course through

My body and my hand reached out and she began to rise through the air as I choked it.

I could sense the life inside of her and how with every second its mother went without air, his life ended too.

"Ben… please don't do this…" she said with tears in her face, but it was too late.

My choice had already been made.

I woke up breathing heavily. I looked over to my left and saw Rey was still sleeping, in fact she was snoring slightly.

The sight of her so at peace brought a smile to my face. The memories from the night before suddenly coming back to me. How amazing she felt, how we seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces. The electricity that coursed through our bond like that night on Ach-To.

But the dream left me so unsettled. It's not that I didn't want to be a father. Rey is the only person I would even dare to dream about having a family with.

I just wasn't ready to take a step that big. I didn't want to fail my child like my father had failed me, I didn't want to hurt them the way mine had.

I sighed and decided to go into the 'fresher for a shower. After what happened last night I was sure of a few things.

One, Rey and I needed to talk.

Two, we needed to be careful and take precautions, we couldn't afford a *gulp* baby on this mission.

And three, I needed to meditate and take a small trip into town before we talked.

**Rey**

When I woke up I could feel parts of my body ache that I never thought possible. For one, my thighs were incredibly sore. As I woke up I tried to turn onto my back and that small task was incredibly difficult.

My lady bits were throbbing and they even burned a little bit, kind of like chafing, but I wasn't too surprised about that after last night.

The memory came back to me and I sighed. It was now the second-best night of my life. I suddenly realized Ben wasn't there.

I sat up and I tried to reach out with the Force but he wasn't in the base, so I lowered my mental shields and looked for his mind.

_Ben… where are you?_

It took a few minutes and part of me got anxious. What if he had left me-

_I'll be back in a second, I went into town for some… supplies. I'm almost there._

He cut me off with a kiss in my head and it went silent once more. I sighed suddenly nervous for why he really went into town. I could sense he was hiding something, but I couldn't get behind his walls enough to find out what it was.

I got up and decided to try and take a shower. The walk from the bed to the 'fresher felt eternal, my thighs were making it impossible to even move.

I looked in the mirror over the sink and saw a few small bruises had formed on my neck and my lips were a little swollen. My hair was complete mess, it looked like a bird's nest.

And yet I couldn't help but dwell on how these marks had made it onto my body. I replayed the memory as I showered, wishing he were here with me. I wanted to feel him touch against my skin and his lips on my neck and how excited I would get…

I suddenly sensed he was back, and I quickly finished my shower, hoping he hadn't gotten a peek into what I had been thinking.

I dried off as fast as I could and threw on the sleeping shirt from the night before and walked out of the 'fresher as I dried my hair with the towel.

I could hear Ben in the kitchen making some noise and my stomach growled. I hastily made my way to him and sensing his walls rise as I got closer.


	47. Chapter 47

**Ch 47**

**Ben**

I could sense her approaching the kitchen. It was a little strange, I could sense her a lot easier now. This bond was still new to the both of us, how do you go from being alone all your life to suddenly having someone in your head 24/7?

"Good morning" she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I turned around and I could feel myself relax as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Good morning princess, do you want some food?"

She looked up and nodded and I let her go. I had already made some eggs and when I went into town, a small bakery had just made fresh pastries. I brought back a few that I thought she would enjoy.

"Where did you go so early? I missed you" she said as she pulled a chair out and I placed her food in front of her. Her eyes went wide as I placed a pastry on a napkin next to her.

"What is that?! It smells delicious!" I laughed at her and saw how excited she was over the fresh and fruity smell of the doughy deliciousness.

"I'll make sure to get more of them next time…" I told her as she took a bite and then proceeded to eat her eggs. "How… are you feeling?"

She looked up a little and blushed slightly.

"I'm alright just… a little sore but I think that's normal. What about you?"

"I'm fine, I do feel tired still, but overall I… rather enjoyed myself with you" her blush deepened at my words, but she continued to eat.

"You still haven't answered my question…we went into town just yesterday, surely whatever you needed could have waited?" I could feel her trying to pry into my head and it took a lot of strength to either not shove her out or keep her from prying any further.

So, sighed and figured I might as well come out and tell her the truth.

"Did you have… any weird dreams last night?" I asked her.

She raised her eyebrow in confusion, before she answered I continued.

"I had a dream that… you were pregnant, but I killed you and the… child… and I enjoyed it… When I woke up I realized there were a lot of undealt fears I still had" I looked at her face for any indication of how she was feeling. It had gone extremely quiet through our bond.

"I… don't know if I'm yet ready to be a father… I'm not saying ever, but after last night I thought maybe we could take precautions. We aren't in a good place to bring a child into the world, we are on the run and I… don't want to fail them the way my parents failed me"

I got up and walked towards the counter where I had left a small bag. I pulled out two things, one was a small bottle with one pill, the other a box with birth control that we would both need to take to be safe for a year.

She was looking at the table, she was frozen in place but in her eyes, I could see she was thinking. The words that came out of her mouth came as a shock.

"I understand, and I agree, we should take precautions." She said as she reached for the bottle with one pill, she read the cover silently, knowing it was a morning after pill.

"And… as much as I would want a family now, I think I have fears too. Fears of not being enough to protect them… at least until we figure how to work this bond" I looked at her and tried to search her mind, she was being honest but there was something hidden behind her thoughts.

"Rey… What's on your mind?" I asked her.

She looked at me, fear now evident in her eyes.

"The darkness, it's been around us since you came back… I feel the pull to it and there's times I want to take it because being balanced is… difficult. I think it wants us both Ben"

I sighed, I knew exactly what she was talking about. It was difficult to not be either completely dark or completely in the light. I knew I wouldn't go back to the dark but sometimes it promised things and its call felt so soothing…

"I dreamt the other night on the ship, that it took you and… we had children and it took them too… I couldn't protect you or them, I was helpless" she said as she hung her head and she began to shake.

She was crying.

I walked over to her and put my hand under her chin and lifted her face up to me.

"We will get through this I promise, we just have to start training together."

"And that's why I'm here, I hope you're both ready" said a voice behind us. It startled us both and we jumped into fighting positions. Rey had even jumped out of her chair.

"Well I'm happy to see you're ready to fight, but it's all in the mind. You've proven you can fight together in the past, but how connected are you mentally? The more you can hone in on that connection, the more improved your fighting will become. You'll draw more from each other, a balance"

_Mind. Body. Soul._

We both relaxed once we saw it was my grandfather.

"Alright, let's get started then" said Rey as she walked past me and out the door.


	48. Chapter 48

**_i'm trying to wrap this fanfic up, I have ideas for another one and this one just seems to be going on for much longer than I anticipated... sorry guys! i know some of you might be waiting for one more chance but I'm taking a break from her right now soon sorry, I'll get back to her once this one is finished and before i start my next rely fic. Am i the only one that can get stuck on one story and have a million fanfic ideas? lol hope you guys are enjoying so far!_**

**Ch 48**

**Rey**

I felt emotionally off, strange, I felt like my mind was on autopilot.

The talk with Ben had been strange… and whatever that pill had was making me a little dizzy on top of everything. I knew it was a precaution, I knew what he had said was all correct and it was the right thing to do. We didn't want to harm any child that we brought into the galaxy for being careless.

So why did it feel so wrong?

These thoughts plagued my head as we made our way outside to the clearing. I could hear all sorts of bird calls and the air was humid I instantly felt the back of my neck become sweaty.

"Alright, both of you get on the ground, meditating positions. You both need to relax and let your mental shields down. Let each other in like you normally would"

This is the part that I was afraid of, I had been keeping the previous thoughts hidden from Ben, I didn't want him to see that to an extent, I wasn't entirely on board with what we had discussed, but I didn't know exactly why it as bothering me so much.

But I took few deep breaths, and did as Master Anakin say. I first felt the connection open and felt the initial relief of feeling bonded. Feeling like home, feeling the light and the love from him was refreshing.

"Now go deeper into your minds, go as deep as you both can handle, you may be up against some attacks. The mind tries to protect itself from intruders, you have to overcome those obstacles to be truly joined. Keep in mind it might take a while."

I concentrated harder and suddenly I could feel myself grow heavy. Like something was holding me down, a tightness in my chest.

I could feel someone try to get into my head, at the same time I felt someone try and push me out of Ben's head.

**_Tread lightly Rey from nowhere. You may find things you won't take well, you may find things that hurt. We can protect you…_**

I pushed harder and harder inside, into his mind. I kept hearing the dark thoughts over and over again, it was like a dark maze. There was absolutely no light and I walked for what felt like years.

Eventually I found something that looked like a door, but it had no handle. When I tried pushing it, nothing happened, it didn't open, it didn't move.

**_Tread lightly Rey from nowhere… we want no one in here…_**

I put both of my hands against the door and pushed as hard as I could, the door gave in eventually.

I walked through it and it was dark and cold and damp.

It was very lonely.

There was a wind the whooshed past me every now and then, I thought I could hear it speak… but I wasn't sure, so I tried to concentrate more on it.

It was like trying to grab the water from a running river. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, reached out and heard what it said.

_I hate you._

I gasped, who was it talking about.

_I'm talking about you Rey._

I turned around trying to keep up with the voice_._

_You've always thought you were so pure, so innocent… poor Rey was abandoned… for her own good._

The thoughts were becoming overwhelming.

_My parents never loved me the way they loved you… you had a connection with them that I never could. I will always hate you for that. You didn't deserve them._

I covered my ears I didn't want to hear it anymore.

_They died because of you, because you couldn't leave me alone, because you had to find the good in everything and everyone around you. I hate you._

"Stop… I said to it."

_I hate you. I always have, and I always will. You humiliated me!_

"Stop… stop it!"

_I don't know why I married you, you're still weak, just like my parents, just like Luke was… you can't help anyone. Everywhere you go, destruction follows you._

SHUT UP! I screamed and felt a strong power surge through me. It felt like the time I used lightning.

_You can't keep anyone safe… and in the end you'll kill me too…_

"No!" I said to the voice and suddenly a burst of light was shot out of me and I fell to the ground.

I lay on the cold, damp floor and cried for what felt like hours.

_Rey…_

"Please leave me alone" I said in a whisper.

_My love… it's me_.

I looked up towards the whisper, I was in a different space now, this one was white, the breeze was fresh and clean.

_You saved me from myself. I owe you my life. You had faith in me._

"I'm not strong enough to keep your light alive…"

_It's not your job to keep it alive… we just have to balance it… you are life and I am death. You are the morning and I am the night. We cannot exist without each other. We are one, we have to accept each other's for what we are._

I didn't want to admit he was right, whatever was talking to me had a point. We were bound, we were one. He was my dark and I was his light.

But how could I accept the fact that, to a certain extent, Ben held hatred towards me?

"It's a trick you know." Said a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Master Anakin's ghost.

"How did you get in here?" I asked surprised, our bond was sacred in a way, it was private. It could be sensed but not really severed or joined.

"I am one with the Force, I am, in a way, a part of your bond as well. Ben doesn't hate you, these thoughts are a part of Ben's dark side. They aren't true, they never were, they were. In our anger we often think or say things we don't mean. He was hurt, he had to deal with that, but you also have to be okay with his emotions. He'll lash out, but you have to open up too. Hurting each other is normal, it's what happens after and how you deal with it that matters"

My mind was spinning, this was a lot of overwhelming emotions and information.

I was terrified of how Ben was faring; knowing my mind wasn't any easier to deal with.


	49. Chapter 49

**Ch 49**

**Ben**

I was walking around Rey's mind. Her mind was very calm, I was on a wide-open field. Above my head there was a clear blue sky, but it was tinted with sparse, dark clouds and a strong wind was blowing. It was cold, a harsh contrast with the sunny warmth of the open field.

I could hear the harsh wind speak to me, each word cut like a shard of ice.

_You are such a burden. I don't know why I married you, you aren't strong enough to live without me._

It was Rey's voice.

_You are so ungrateful, I wish I had parents like yours. You threw their love away, their loyalty to you. I hate what you did to them. I hate you._

She hated me…everything she had ever told me was a lie?

_Grow up Ben… no matter what happens, or what has happened, you will always be a child in a mask…._

I screamed, and I felt some power surge through me and out of my chest. It felt like when we exploded the ship on Pasana.

I looked up and suddenly the clouds grew darker and denser, like rain was approaching.

_I always have to drag you out of the pit YOU put yourself in. I always have to come rescue you… I always have to do everything, and you give NOTHING…_

The rain began to fall hard, it fell like the time we fought on the skeleton of the old Death Star. It beat against me relentlessly, I tried to raise my hand to at least shield my face from the rain. I tried to look around but there was nothing for miles, just some trees in the distance.

I needed to get out of this rain, something was telling me this wasn't right.

I started to walk towards the trees but with every step, the ground under me kept feeling like mush and mud and like it might give out at any moment. Eventually I felt my legs get wet and I looked down, realizing instantly that everything around me was flooding, and quickly.

I attempted to run, but the cold water and how fast it was rising made that impossible, by the time it got to my waist I started to swim.

No matter how fast I swam the water kept rising fast, the trees seemed to be getting further and further away. I was getting tired of fighting the strong current, I wanted to give up and just let the water do as it wanted with me.

_Yes! Let go! You have to let everything go, let go of what you fear to lose… only then will you be free of this burden… let it all go…_

Her voice this time wasn't full poison, it came with… peace and calm… a clear opposition to this stormy sea I was in.

My arms stopped stroking and I began to let things go, I let it all go. The guilt I felt for killing my parents, the pain I put Rey through. The fear of failing again and being a burden to anyone.

Even the fear of her hating me again, so what if she did? She had every right, she was entitled to her feelings and I was entitled to mine and we had to learn to be okay with that.

She may have good or bad feelings towards me or towards other things, we may disagree on everything, or agree on just as much. We were two different people, but we were intricately connected.

And we had to be okay with nothing being private and navigating those thoughts and feelings.

But I was so tired of everything, I was tired of depending on someone for anything, I wish I could be my own person.

I drowned on these thoughts and with that, I let myself go under the water, falling deeper and deeper into the dark water.

**Rey**

I opened my eyes and realized it was night time, I looked around and saw that Ben's eyes were still closed. I took a deep breath and decided maybe it was time to go inside, I needed some time to think.

I walked back into the bunker and headed for the 'fresher. My body was still extremely sore, and I could feel just how tired I was, I needed to sleep. I didn't want to deal with the things I saw in Bens mind, but I knew we would have to talk about it eventually.

I got out of the shower and dried and brushed my hair as best as I could and put my sleeping shirt back on. I walked into the bedroom and was disappointed to find that it was empty.

I half-hoped and half feared Ben would be back. I knew we needed to have a difficult conversation, but I also just wanted to be held and feel safe for just one moment, in his arms.

I went to our makeshift bed and laid down, my mind somehow taking me to the events of the night before. To that beautiful feeling of physical unity.

I wanted to feel that again but… I had a feeling it wouldn't happen right now, and a tear slipped down my cheek at the thought. It wasn't just the physical pleasure I wanted, it was this deep sense of intimacy that I had never felt with anyone before. In that moment of making love, it truly felt like we were one body, one mind, and now, one soul.

I laid on my side and fell asleep with thoughts of how much I missed Ben in this moment and how much I wanted to be lost in his embrace.


	50. Chapter 50

**Ch 50**

**Rey**

When I woke up it was very warm and sticky.

I could feel the sweat pouring down my neck. This was definitely a place where I might have to sleep naked consistently, any form of fabric was too much.

Some light was coming in through the windows that I was facing, but I still felt exhausted, so I turned around and was shocked to see that Ben's face was only an inch away from mine. I hadn't felt him come in at all, you'd figure I would have at least felt the bed move as he climbed in.

I loved seeing him like this, his raven hair so curly and how it fell across his face.

His long, thick lashes framing his eyes and his lips… I wanted to kiss them so badly.

He stirred slightly in his sleep and I hoped he wouldn't wake up, I didn't want this moment to end.

I did notice he wasn't wearing a sleeping shirt… my curiosity peaked so I lifted the sheet slightly and sure enough…

He was only wearing underwear, no doubt too hot for him too. I sat up slowly and removed my sleeping shirt, leaving my undies on too. I snuggled up closer to him, trying to get as close as possible without waking him.

He stirred again and suddenly one of his arms draped over me, it was hot, but I didn't mind it. I felt safe.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax again, the feeling didn't last long.

Soon I began to feel anxious, uneasy.

Something was coming.

The air around us began to feel heavy, tense, it was buzzing with energy.

So much for trying to get more sleep, I wanted to get up, but Ben's arm was still on top of me.

I carefully tried to focus the Force on moving his arm and it began to lift slowly and off me. I carefully rolled out from under it and lowered it back down onto the bed as I rolled off the bed and got up.

I couldn't get this anxiety off me, and I began to tug at my hair as I paced.

I tried to close my eyes, to focus the Force so it could tell me what was coming but I kept getting clouded visions. If you could even call them that, trying to even move through the cloud was giving me a headache so I gave up on it.

_**Rey from nowhere can't find what she's looking for… she doesn't even know what it is…**_

I became frustrated, so I decided to go put clothes on, I needed something to distract me.

I knew the clothes we bought in town wouldn't work for this weather, it was much too hot, and the fabrics were extremely thick.

I grabbed my sleeping shirt and threw it on and then decided to make my way to the ship, there had to be something in that old closet that would fit me. Even if it didn't it couldn't be worse than wearing thick fabric in this heat.

The closer I got to the ship the more off I felt, like I shouldn't be leaving Ben alone. I looked back at the building and expanded my senses towards the massive forest around us. I could sense the dirt, the roots, the trees growing. The birds chirping, animals hunting and being hunted, life and death, a balance.

But there wasn't anything that felt like a serious threat.

I took that as a sign to just keep going, I would only be gone a few minutes, but to be safe I decided to run to the ship.

Once I got to the room I quickly opened the small closet door and pulled out what looked like a brownish red silky fabric. It was all rouged up and looked like some form of tunic or dress. I threw it on, but it had a few slits and holes that seemed at odd places, so I walked into the 'fresher to try and check in the mirror that I at least had it on right.

Good thing I checked, because it was definitely on wrong. It ended up being a dress that had a kind of twisted halter top. It remined me of a scarf that wrapped around my neck and twisted, and then it tucked into the chest area which just went in a straight line across my chest. There was a ribbon that tied into a small bow at the front and the skirt in the front was at my knees and the back hit the floor. The fabric was very light and airy, it was perfect for this weather and rather comfortable. I didn't mind not having any shoes on, but I minded the hair, so I grabbed some pins I left there from the wedding day and I pinned my hair into a lose bun.

I walked back towards the bunker and the anxiety grew, something was close. I stood on the ramp and called out to Ben.

_Are you awake? Something's coming, can you fe-_

_Yes, I feel it. I don't know what it is, but I think we have to leave._

I agreed and ran down the ramp towards him, he met me right at the door of the bunker.

"I can't tell what it is, but I don't like the feeling" I told him.

"Me either, go grab the supplies from the room and meet me back on the ship, I'll start the lift off sequence, so we can go" I nodded and ran towards the room.

It wasn't long before I heard it, the sounds were unmistakable.

Blasters, the next feeling was one I would never forget.

The feeling that Ben was shot and unconscious, the feeling that he was gone.


	51. Chapter 51

**Ch 51**

**Rey**

I ran as fast as I could towards him, he wasn't dead, merely unconscious, but the shock of it almost knocked me off my feet when I felt it.

When I got to the main entrance I saw him being dragged by two men, I didn't recognize them, but I recognized their clothing. They were wearing a resistance emblem on their jackets.

"Stop! Put him down now!" I shouted, when they turned their heads I took advantage and froze them in place.

"Rey! Let them go!" I heard a familiar voice behind me say, I turned around and saw Finn walking towards me.

"Finn what is this? I'm not letting them go until you let Ben go" these odds were not good, right behind Finn were about 10 other people, normally this wouldn't be difficult, but I had no idea where I'd left my saber, so this was a battle I couldn't win, I didn't even have my staff.

"He's under arrest for intergalactic crimes Rey, or did you forget that he literally annihilated entire planets while he was in the First Order?" he asked while pointing a blaster at me.

"Can I please explain what happened? He's innocent, please let him go I'm begging you!"

Poe then stood by Finn as backup and started talking "Rey… you are our friend and you fought with us, you have committed no crime except marrying him, which we are sure he forced you into."

"No! he didn't force me to do anything and I… I love him! Let him go now!" I yelled at them, I could feel my anger begin to rise… why weren't they listening?

"Rey… please… put them down and we can talk…"

"NO!" I shouted, "If you are arresting him, you're arresting me too, I willingly married him and there's more that you don't know! So, if he's going I am too"

Finn and Poe looked at each other, I could sense their surprise and resistance, they didn't want to cuff me, but they knew if given the chance, I would take them all on for Ben.

Finn rubbed his temples, he was getting frustrated, so Poe decided to speak.

"Alright fine, we'll take you both, Rey you are now under custody of the Republic, you will be placed under imprisonment for committing treason against the Republic and you shall await trial along with your… husband… Ben Solo aka Kylo Ren, previous Supreme Leader of the First Order, anything you say can and will be used against you"

Two other people came to cuff me, one was a young looking Togruta woman, the other a human male, Finn had left in the middle of Poe's short speech, I could see this was difficult for him.

He didn't know that this was just as painful for me too.

I hung my head down and tried to find Ben, he was close and had already been dragged away towards the ship they had arrived in.

He was still unconscious, I could feel. I had questions for him, like how was it that we hadn't been able to sense them coming? Had someone tipped them off?

Very probable, especially after Exogol.

Before I left for Tattooine, Poe had convinced me to stay and help him rebuild the Republic, many of the people that came to help us saw me, many had seen the mighty Kylo Ren before his turning.

We should have been more careful, we should have known we would be considered fugitives after Naboo.

Once they loaded us onto the ship they sent us to separate prisoner holdings, his was right next to mine and there were probably 3-4 guards for each one of us.

We would be the most dangerous fugitives they would ever have.

I sat in the cell for hours, I was getting antsy.

I paced for a while, and then I sat down, I laid on the small cot they had, I tried to meditate.

The worse part of it was that Ben was still unconscious, I had so many questions

"That's why I'm here Rey" said a voice as I looked up and saw Master Anakin.

"What is going on? How come we weren't able to see that this would happen?" I demanded.

"I don't know" he answered "One thing is for sure, it had a dark intent, it's why you couldn't see it, someone might have sent a tip to the Republic, you both have to get out of here as soon as possible"

"But we can't Ben's unconscious and I don't know where we are going or how we'd get out of there"

"Patience, you both did well in connecting your minds, you'll have to try and be connected as much as possible this whole time, it'll make things easier."

With that I saw him disappear as quickly and suddenly as when he showed up in my cell. I hung my head and a million angry thoughts filled my mind. This entire time since Ben had been back had been extremely overwhelming.

There was to be more waiting. Waiting to be out of this cell, waiting to be balanced in the Force… Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I sighed in frustration, I was so tired of being pulled one way or the other, why couldn't we just be left alone?

I was good at waiting, I had done it my entire life, but when would I begin to reach my breaking point and not want to wait any longer?


	52. Chapter 52

**Ch 52**

**Ben**

When I woke up I felt a deep pain on my shoulder. I looked down to see that my shoulder was completely bandaged where I had been shot.

The memory of everything that had happened on Thyferra suddenly rushed back to me.

The weird darkness that I had felt when I woke up and sensing that something was off. The sudden ambush and getting shot, Rey shouting…

_Rey!_

_I'm here, well not physically, but I'm close._

_What happened? Where are we?_

_We're on a ship, I don't know where we are going, but we're being arrested for acting against the Republic during the reign of the First Order._

**_We?_**_But you weren't involved in that…_

_You're right, but you're my husband, I wasn't going to let them take you without me. _

I didn't say anything, but I did send her my feelings of love and gratitude. It didn't last long… I also remembered the events that happened the day before, the connection we had made.

"It wasn't the day before Ben, it was 4 days ago. It took you 4 days to find that mental balance, and you guys will have to learn to do it faster."

I turned my head and saw my grandfather standing next to me. I attempted to sit up on my cot, but it was difficult and ended up having to prop myself up against the wall.

"You were in each other's subconscious for four days, that's how they were able to find you, you can tell her that. Your guard was down, someone may have seen you at the market, or even in passing through the jungle. Who knows, I told her you have to try and stay connected the entire time you're separated, it'll help. Maybe it will even help you talk about some of the other unresolved issues you were having prior to this…"

I was ready to protest but my grandfather was gone once again. This was a very annoying situation to be trapped in. I didn't want to talk to Rey about what I'd seen in her mind, I knew she was disappointed in me, deep down. She would never admit it though, she was too good for that.

She had always been too good for me.

I sighed and let my walls down, she entered them easily.

_Anakin told me we should stay linked as much as we can…_

_Yea… he told me the same…_I told her

_Ben what do we do?_

_I… am not sure, we have to at least wait until we are loaded off the ship and form a plan to escape from there._

_I agree._

It was quiet for a moment. I could sense she was in my head and her unease, we needed to address the elephant in the room.

_I saw it all Rey._

She tensed up.

Anakin said we were connected for four days, I know you're disappointed in the life we have. I know that you want a family and that you don't really want to keep being a Jedi and for once you want to do with your life as you please with no one to hold you accountable. I know that if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here, and you would be on Jakku waiting for something, but at least you knew what was coming every day, and with me, everything is dangerous and I-I'm sorry

_Ben I… no that's not…_

_You don't have to justify yourself, we have to be able to be honest about everything. I know what I saw, what did you see?_

She hesitated for a moment before answering.

_I saw that you…hated me. You hate that I made things difficult for you. That I always made you choose one way or another and you wanted to be free of the pain and the responsibility that came from your bloodline. You wanted to just be like… like your father and travel the galaxy. And I took that from you and yet…you hate yourself for how much you love. For how weak it makes you feel and how much it makes you wish you never married me to avoid the desire of wanting a family, so you wouldn't have to fail them like you failed everyone else._

_You're right. You're absolutely right about everything Rey. So why is it that we're still together? Why do we keep going back to each other?_

_I come back every time because I understand the feeling of wanting to protect something that's not yourself. Because although I want my own life, I'd give it all up, so you could have something better, because I can't imagine living in a world alone again, with no one to understand me, much less love me for it. _

_And I feel the same way. You're the only person that saw me, REALLY saw me and decided to stay, one who wasn't afraid. _

At that moment I felt her snap out of the link somewhat, not entirely, I could still sense her feelings and thoughts. I searched,

Someone was in the room with her.

_Rey, who is it?_

_Shh, I need to concentrate._

_Fine… can I at least be there?_

_You mean…?_

_Yes_

She opened the connection again and I moved through it, the way we used to do when we would see each other.

I was with her, but no one else could see me, just her.

It was her friend. FN-1287, or well I guess he was now named Finn.

_Try not to do too much… he's force sensitive. Not well trained, but he can tell, he can sense things. He'll sense you._

I sent her a feeling of affirmation.

"Rey, please talk to me" he begged "What is going on? How can I believe that he didn't manipulate you to be with him?"

Not this again. I knew I had to remain calm, I just didn't like anyone talking to her that way.

"Finn it's a really long story, you won't believe any of it. You don't believe me now, how do I know you'll believe me after?" she asked him. She felt sad, he was someone she had considered a brother, her closest friend. I didn't like seeing her sad, if having him in her life made her happy, who was I to stop that?


	53. Chapter 53

**Ch 53**

**Rey**

This conversation was going to be extremely exhausting, emotionally and physically. Although keeping the connection with ben open was as easy as breathing, keeping him somewhat hidden from Finn while trying to talk was rather difficult.

So, I told Ben to try and hide his Force signature within the bounds of someone else seeing us.

Which was definitely new, we hadn't really had to do that before.

"I promise I will listen and try to understand Rey, I don't want to see you imprisoned like this, you're my best friend! Please, I swear I will not say anything until you're done talking"

I sighed and then… I told him everything. Even including the Force-bond we had somehow formed while I was away with Luke.

As he promised, Finn never interrupted, never said a word, never even asked a question.

I sensed his emotions, there were times he was afraid, other times, he was extremely confused, but his face remained still. Mostly.

When I was done telling him my story he took a deep breath and pursed his lips.

"So, you guys are now trying to find more information on anyone who's had something similar to your dyad? But why would you pick Courscant?" he asked.

"The old Jedi temple from the days of the Old Republic still stands, Ben said there might be files down there"

"There couldn't be, the First Order raided that temple when Snoke took over as Supreme Leader" he blurted out.

"Well apparently, the Jedi Temple was built on top of an old Sith temple, if there's anything left from that old temple it could lead us somewhere, plus it's not like we can just access whatever the First Order had, you guys took over, everything they have was probably destroyed"

"Well…." He said "not exactly… we found what looks like Ren and Snoke's old archives, it has a LOT of information on the Knights of Ren, records of Forse users that are currently alive, the entire Skywalker history, Jedi and Sith records going back thousands of years… there's no way anything was left on Coruscant"

"Well I can't exactly access that information, can I? I am your prisoner… as harsh as it sounds Finn I can't do anything from here" I said as I crossed my arms and rubbed my temples.

Ben reached over and put his hand on top of my leg in comfort. I put my hand over his and I felt him try to reassure me through the bond.

"He's here isn't he" said Finn, snapping me out of my small trance.

"Um…well… yes, we have more control over the bond now, we have an easier time actually opening and closing it. He wanted to hear what you had to say"

"So, he heard everything… just now?" he asked somewhat concerned, no doubt the archive information was to be kept under lock and key…

"Well kind of, I can see him, but he can't see you, and he's in my head so he can access my memory, so he's kind of seeing thing a little after it happens? It's kind of difficult to explain…"

He put his hands up in surrender, "Hey, that's your bond, and look, I still don't know if I trust him, but… I want to help you find what you're looking for. I feel… kind of bad for having to chase you guys around all over and shooting your um… husband. So, if you can hear me Re- I mean Ben" he corrected after I shot him a look "I'm sorry, and I'll do what I can to help get you guys out, as far as a trial… I'm not sure what'll happen with that. I'll try to come see you as often as I can Rey" I nodded and got up and walked towards him. I stood in front of him and wrapped my arms around his waist in a hug. He seemed a little shocked, but he returned the embrace.

"You were just trying to do what you believed was right Finn, you didn't know any better, and neither does Poe. I hope he can come around. I'd hate to lose both of my closest friends"

I rubbed my back and pulled away a little, only a half arm's length away, but it felt much more distant.

"I know, and we love you too Rey, we were just worried. Look, I'll try to talk to Poe about what you told me, maybe it'll help sway the new system. Leia leaving him in charge really earned him a LOT of favor in the new Senate. And you're a hero Rey but Ben… you being involved with him… I don't know what will happen."

I nodded, completely understanding where he was coming from. Everything was left to chance, to fate… in hopes the Force had already planned something out for us both.

"Finn, please don't do anything that will get you in trouble, I don't want you to be stuck in a cell with us, I couldn't forgive myself if you went down for something I did"

"Rey, by being here I'm already in trouble, but you're like a sister to me, and I owe that much to you for the things you've for me, and for the whole galaxy, you don't have to apologize. Sure, this situation is weird but… if he makes you happy, then I'm happy. Besides, I'm not so clueless about the Force anymore y'know?" he said with a smile. Suddenly I remembered he had gone with Jannah at one point to find more kids and to help find where she had come from.

I made a mental note to ask him more about that later.

"So, what? Are you gonna try a Jedi mind trick young Finn?" I said laughing. He laughed in return and shook his head.

"I have to go now, I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise. I nodded and smiled at him, a smile which he returned. He walked out of the room and suddenly I felt an immense amount of guilt and sadness. Both because not only had I hurt him and Poe, but because there was a chance this journey would be over for Ben and me before it had even begun.


	54. Chapter 54

**Ch 54**

**Rey**

I sat in silence for a few minutes after Finn left. I didn't detect any lies when he said he would try to help us find any information on anyone who'd been or even seen a dyad in the Force before.

Palpatine had said it hadn't been seen for generations, so it had to mean there was one at one point, right?

I didn't want to think about it anymore. The more I did, the more anxious about Finn being gone for too long I became. Being locked in a cell didn't really help either.

The only thing that kept me somewhat sane was Ben sitting with me, sort of.

"For someone that was stuck on a desert planet for years, you are extremely antsy. I thought you were used to waiting?" he asked me at one point.

"That was different, I had a routine, I had some form of freedom, and I had something to hope for. Here the only thing I have is you and the hope that Finn will try to sway Poe in our direction. I don't like being in confined spaces, I'm used to being out, being this cell is agitating me" I told him, a little snappy at the end.

"I understand, but you have to get used to it princess, if you trust him as much as I sense, there's no reason for you to doubt things will go as bad as you assume. There's a high chance they'll let you go free, it's about time I really pay for my actions against the people of the galaxy"

The way he said that really bothered me, how could he be so at peace for what they could do to him?

"Ben how could you say that? You don't owe anyone anything, that wasn't you, that was Ren. Surely we can use that to get you out of a trial or… worse!" I yelled.

"Rey, try to keep you voice down, they'll think you're either crazy, or that we've found a way to communicate. I know we have this bond, but if they separate us more than we already are it's going to make everything more difficult" he said in a hushed tone.

I sighed frustrated, I knew he was right, but so much had happened in the span of what, 2, 3 weeks?

"I know, I know, I just cannot bear the thought of you being taken away from me again, whether it's by your choice or not Ben." I told him on the verge of tears. The thought of being alone again was terrifying, the bond we'd created was beyond of anything in existence. It was like oxygen, if it was taken away, I had a feeling I would die.

"I know, I don't want to lose you either, in any way, but we have to prepare for whatever outcome we may face." I didn't know how he could possibly be so calm at a time as this, but sometimes I needed to remind myself he was leading the entire galaxy at one point, he probably had worse situations to handle at the time.

"I wish we could just run away to some uninhabited planet and lived out the rest of our lives… far away from all this mess" I confessed to him, well he probably already knew those things, but it was nice to say them out loud. Admitting that those desires were there.

"Maybe one day we can do that. I know you wanted to live on Naboo, but maybe there's other places out there where we can live our lives with no one to bother us and no one to answer to" he laid down on my cot, struggling a little, he'd received a blaster shot on the shoulder and it was in bad shape. Someone had apparently forgot to set their blaster to "stun", I didn't think it was an accident at all.

"Can I please fix your shoulder? I hate seeing you in pain like that" I told him, but he shook his head.

"No, remember, emergencies only. Besides, if they came to check in on me and saw the wound was gone without a trace, it would raise some suspicion. We want to try and lay as low as possible in our current circumstances.

Right again.

"Fine, but why don't we try to rest a bit then? I'm still tired from those four days in whatever stasis we were in, we're gonna need all the energy we can get" I told him.

He nodded in agreement and I laid down next to him. He immediately adjusted himself to give me some room, not without pain of course.

"Are you sure you don't want me to heal you?" I asked him, he hesitated to answer.

"Rey, we don't know the consequences if you try to, especially after Exegol"

He had a point.

"I know but… I can't bear to see or feel you in pain, whatever you feel, I can feel too and I can't bear to see anything harm you" I told him.

He sighed quite loudly, but he agreed to let me heal him anyways. I sat up and put my hand on his wounded shoulder. There was a bacta patch on it already, but it wasn't the same as my healing.

I reached out to the Force and felt it course from my inner most being into Ben's shoulder. I felt the flesh and every cell regenerate, felt the wound close up like it had never been there in the first place.

I opened my eyes and he caught my hand before I took it off his shoulder and looked up into my eyes.

I went a little tense. The look he was giving me was… longing, yet tender. Soft, yet like a predator was hunting its prey, trying to lure them in.

"Rey… I didn't want to tell you this… but when we were connected… I also saw that a part of you desired more than anything a family… a child. And… I'm sorry I am not ready to gi-"

"Stop" I said interrupting him, "I saw it in your head too, it's what you want… you want us to have a family, but your fear is what's crippling you from making a choice. I will not force you to do it, but you have to conquer and overcome that fear too. We both do… we both feel the same about the situation, but we will get through that and through this together"

He smiled and craned his neck up towards me, I met him halfway in a soft kiss. I knew it could turn into more but… in our current circumstances, anyone could walk in at any moment.

He read my thoughts and agreed, laying on his side with ease this time and patting the spot next to him. I laid down and felt his arm wrap around my waist and pull me closer still. Touching through the bond wasn't the same as real life, but for now it would have to do until we could leave this place.


	55. Chapter 55

**Ch 55**

**Rey**

"What do you mean tomorrow morning? We haven't heard anything about a trial! Ben?"

"No, this is the first I'm hearing about this! Don't I get a-a lawyer or a representative or something?" Ben asked, I could sense he was… not angry but he was definitely scared.

I was terrified, if they ever took Ben away from me…

Finn sighed and rubbed his temples as he spoke "Look guys I… I'm sorry really. I talked to Poe and he said it was out of his hands. As far as having a lawyer or whatever, there is someone who wants to speak you both, you'll meet with him in a few hours." I felt Finn tense up a little bit when he mentioned this, like he was trying to hide… something about this person.

"Wait Finn, where are we?" I asked him, I assumed a trial meant we were on land.

"Um… I'm not sure I'm allowed to tell you as prisoners of the Republic… but I can tell you we are on the Mid Rim at least. I'm sorry I don't have much more as far as 'good news' goes" he said with a solemn look.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, taking him by surprise.

"Finn, I, _we_, are both grateful for the information you were able to give us. It may not be much, but it's a start. We're just hoping whoever wants to talk to us will be able to help us somehow." He sighed and rubbed my back.

"Yea… I hope so…" he said pensively. We parted, and he left immediately.

I sighed and went back to sit on my cot, Ben joined me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I put my head on his shoulder and I felt him grow a little stiff.

"I… does this bother you?" I asked him.

"No, I think I partially, am not used to physical affection from someone else. I also just feel like, maybe there was someone better for you in life. When I see you with Finn, I know you don't see each other that way, but sometimes I wonder if things had gone much better with you should I have stayed dead"

I sat up so I could look him in the eye and try to search his mind for more, but there wasn't much more than what we had already discussed.

"Ben, I don't think that's how this works… even if you _had_stayed dead I don't think I could have… had feelings for anyone else ever. That night on Exegol, I felt like I had found the place where I belonged when we connected. You were in the light for the first time since we'd met and… I can't even begin to describe the feeling, but when you died I knew in my heart I would never be able to connect with anyone the way I'd connected with you. I have always only belonged to you, from the moment we met"

He gave me a sad smile and kissed my forehead. When he was about to pull away I raised my hand to his face and pulled him back in for an actual kiss. It didn't feel the same as it did in person, it strangely felt… better? Maybe it was because we were completely connected through the Force.

I felt him think the same thing and our kiss suddenly deepened and the next thing I knew I was laying on the cot with him on top of me. His arms at my sides to hold him up and not crush me under his weight. He pulled back and we were both breathing a little heavy.

"How much time do you think we have?" he asked between breaths.

"Finn said tonight, I'm not sure what time it is, but we haven't gotten our last meal ye-" he crushed his lips, silencing me, and I remembered how easy it would be given the very skimpy dress I was wearing.

As if reading my thoughts, he moved a hand to lift one leg up and the fabric on the skirt rode up easily.

In this moment more than ever, I wished we had a room to ourselves and prayed with all my might that things might soon be normal.

We lay next to each other in pure bliss for what felt like hours, in each other's arms and just reveling in the feeling.

"Do you think it'll be like this for the rest of our lives?" I asked him.

He smiled "No, I think it will always be better and better. Until the day we die, I could never get tire of being intimate with you. If we could make love for days without end, I would ravish your body and worship you like the goddess you are."

I blushed hard, I could feel my cheeks grow extremely hot.

"I'm not used to anyone saying something like that to me Mr. Solo, but I would want to do the same to you my love" I told him. He cupped my chin in his hand and pulled me in for another kiss.

Suddenly, we heard someone jingle some keys outside of the cell I was being kept in and we broke out of the connection immediately and sat up. I pulled whatever pins I had in my hair and tussled my hair and left it lose, making ti seem like I had just woken up from a nap.

_You look so sexy with your hair like that…_

I blushed again and ran my hand through my hair to try and tame it a little more.

_Shut up!_I sent back and merely chuckled.

Three guards stepped in with blasters and a pair of cuffs. One of the women among them was Rose, she kept looking down at the ground, avoiding my direction the entire time I was being put in cuffs.

I was led out of the room and I partially wished I had some shoes on, for once we followed Ben and his escorts off the ship, Poe was among them. There was a lot of mud and rocks and it was hard to avoid stepping on them.

Ben could feel my discomfort and tried to send some form of a soothing feeling to almost no avail.

Whatever planet we were on had a temperate climate, not too hot and not too cold, and it was heavily forested, with hundreds and hundreds of mountains in the distance.

We were led to some form of encampment. We walked for a while, on my feet it felt like hours, until we reached a huge bunker and were made to wait outside until Poe and a few other people went inside.

_I don't like this Ben…_I told him as I swallowed hard.

_Wait… search, the person inside… I know him_. He said, I could feel the mix of both fear and excitement as we waited outside the tent.

As if on cue, the door opened and Poe ushered us inside.

"Rey! I'm so glad to see you! After Exegol, I didn't hear much about you, only that you'd gone to Tattooine. And Ben… my boy…how I've missed you" he said as we walked inside.

"It's good to see you too… Uncle Lando"


	56. Chapter 56

**Ch 56**

**Ben**

I was stunned beyond reason at seeing my "uncle" Lando Calrissian at this base. I hadn't seen him since before I was sent to Luke's academy, this was definitely… strange.

"It's good to see you too Uncle" I said in a monotone voice.

Rey tried to prod my mind, but I partially didn't want her to see how both sad, happy and angry I was that we were meeting him.

It wasn't that I hated Lando, as a kid he was actually really there for me. He taught me how to gamble (behind my parents' backs of course) how to handle more than mere blasters and how to learn my way around the mechanics of droids.

I was sad because he was one of the few people that actually tried to treat me like a normal person despite being Force sensitive and pulled towards the darkness. He wasn't afraid of me, he had even tried to convince my parents a few times to not send me to Luke just yet.

But I was angry because he was the only other person besides Chewie that truly cared about me and they ended up leaving. It wasn't their fault, they had no say in my life, but I always wished I could have left with Lando and never came back, that maybe he could have at least offered to watch over me.

As a kid I didn't understand how difficult that would have been, so I took a few deep breaths to calm down.

_Are you alright…?_Rey asked, I could sense how worried she was.

I sent her a nod in my head. It was all I could manage for now.

She tried to take a step closer to me to soothe me.

"Poe, please take these cuffs off them. They aren't dangerous, I know they'll be civil, and whatever happens I know you'll be right outside that door should I need you" said Lando with charm. Who could resist him? I could imagine how he must have been in his prime days of youth.

Poe hesitated but complied, throwing me angry daggers with his eyes.

"Now, both of you have a seat please, can I offer you anything? A drink? Maybe some food?" he asked as he made his way over to a small table that had a variety of refreshments and snacks.

"Um… can I bother you for a pair of shoes? I'm sorry when we were captured I was barefoot… and the soil here is quite rocky" said Rey with hesitation. I had felt her pain with every step she took until we made it inside the tent. I tried to send her some comfort or try to provide some sort of mental cushion as she stepped but it was impossible in this terrain.

"Of course sweetheart! Rose, please bring our guest here a pair of shoes, now let's get to it. I do hear congratulations are in order since you married on Naboo what, a week ago? Two weeks? Anyways, I love weddings! I do wish I could have attended, I love Ben like a son. And he's such a good-looking boy, I'm not surprised he was able to woo a stunning young lady such as yourself." He said with a wink.

Rey just smiled and thanked him for the compliment.

"Uncle Lando… I'm sorry for everything I've done. I admit I hated you at one point for… not doing more to try and stop my parents for sending me away… I know you tried… but at one point it wasn't enough for me, so I grew to hate you. I'm sorry for that, I know you were one of the few people that tried to help" I finally said to him, breaking the somewhat awkwardness in the room.

"Ben… it's not your fault what happened. Finn briefed me on some of the things Rey told him about your dyad or whatever it is. And I know coming back from the dark is no easy task, Vader turned back too with the help of Luke, just as Rey helped you. I'm sorry too, I know I could have taken you away for a while, maybe have you do something you actually wanted to do instead of being forced to train with Luke. I knew you weren't ready for that, I knew I could have done something. I'm sorry Ben, I hope you can forgive me"

I could feel he meant it, the waves of sadness and regret radiated off him.

A few tears escaped my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away as Rose walked in the room with some boots for Rey.

"I know Uncle, and I forgive you. I forgave you long ago, and I hope you can also come to forgive me, though my list of sins is far longer and not one easily wiped." I said looking down at my lap.

"Well that's where we can begin our discussion. Ben, I forgive you, and a lot of other people are also willing to forgive you, on account that you helped Rey kill Palpatine. Had it not been for you, I'm not sure Rey or anyone of us could have won that battle. No offense to you Rey."

"No! No, none taken. You're completely right " she answered immediately, her hands raised passively "Had Ben not gotten there when he didi I know I would be dead, or worse, Palpatine would have used me as his puppet. The entire galaxy should be grateful for what he did"

"You're right, they should be grateful for the both of you, so, Ben, what is it you want? I am willing to help you both get out of this situation and avoid a sentence completely. They, way it looks right now, it's split evenly, and as long as we are able to sway a few more planets in your favor, I think you'll both be free at last" said Lando, his statement did not give me the peace I hoped it would.


	57. Chapter 57

**Ch 57**

**Rey**

I was relieved, but I could sense that Ben was still uneasy over this whole thing. I tried to reach deep into his thoughts, but he was still somewhat guarded.

_I know this whole thing is crazy and the chances of it working in our favor are slim… but I'm here for you and so is Lando… Worst case I saw a x-wing back there, we can take them and run off to the Unknown Regions! _I told him with as much enthusiasm as I could muster up.

I saw from the corner of my eye that he was trying to stifle a laugh. He was totally okay with that idea.

_Oh, trust me, I don't know if I want anyone getting in your way when you're upset… so let's try to keep our plan to run off between us._

I looked over at him and grabbed his hand, giving it a light squeeze.

"Finn told me you guys had this weird thing… where you could communicate in each other's minds. Is that what's happening right now?" he asked us. I blushed, slightly embarrassed.

"Yes… it's part of our dyad. Our connection is forged by the Force and we can communicate, access each other's thoughts and connect over incredibly vast distances, so far. We can also Force heal, but we have to limit that one, it's how I died on Exegol" said Ben. I cringed mentally when he mentioned himself dying for me, I always felt guilty over that.

_You shouldn't, I did it because you are good, and pure and I love you._

I sent him a smile.

"Hmmm… we may not want to really disclose that to anyone just yet… there aren't many who were around at the same time as the Jedi, they'd be terrified and turn against you both. The only one anyone around here knew of was Luke, and after that it was Kylo.

Many have come to see the Jedi as something of an old legend, something to be feared" said Lando with a solemn look on his face.

How disappointing.

"Well is there anything you need from us Lando? Were at your disposition and anything you need, we know that trying to help us won't be easy" said Ben.

I nodded in agreement, "Ben's right, we don't want to cause trouble, if we need to leave and never be seen that's fine, if that's what the galaxy wants. We don't want to cause trouble and I will not allow Ben to be taken from me, whether it's to be locked up or killed. I'm not losing him again" I tried to put all my courage and determination into that statement.

It must have work because Lando gave me a look of shock and maybe admiration?

_Definitely admiration, my mother was the only other woman with as much spunk as you he'd ever met._

_Whatever_I said with a laugh

"Well as long as you're on Malastare and under my jurisdiction, no one will dare cross either one of you. I've had them set up some quarters for you right next to me. Unfortunately, you will have guards on each side of your bunker until the trial is over, and you'll have escorts everywhere you go. Not that it'll do much good, you're both Force users and can easily get away."

"Uncle, we wouldn't do that. We owe you much for just trying to help us, we'll behave" said Ben in the friendliest and courteous voice I'd ever seen him use.

It brought an image to my mind of him being a politician or a prince…

"Very well, you may go, please if you need anything let me know. I will see you both in the morning"

And with that we got up and were escorted at once to our new quarters.

He definitely wasn't lying about having guards all around the bunker. There was about 8 of them from what I could make out, if we wanted to escape, it would be quite easy.

Once we were inside I was a little shocked. The quarters we got were as big as Landos. There was a large bed on one end and a door that led to a small fresher right next to it. On the opposite side of where the bed was there a fridge with a small stove and a counter next to it, a microwave sat on top. There was also a small dining table and a couple of chairs. On the wall next to us there was a couch and right in front of the bed there was a wooden dresser.

It was like a small apartment.

"If you need to go anywhere outside of here you have to let me know Rey, then I'll have to get it cleared I doubt you'll want to go anywhere, this planet sucks" said Poe from behind us. I nodded at him and he left, I heard the click on the lock from the outside.

So much for not being prisoners.

"Well it definitely could be worse my love. We could be separated like we were on that damned ship"

An idea popped into my head…

"Well how would you like to make use of this time together Mr. Solo?" I asked in a taunting tone. He looked over to me and as our eyes met I knew he sensed what I was thinking.

In almost no time I was in his arms and he carried me to the bed, bridal style.

He laid me down gently and our clothes were off at the speed of light.

I could never get tired of him. The way our bodies just seemed to meld into one another. The way him trailing kisses on every inch of my body made me feel as light as a feather.

We made love well into the night. Taking the time to learn each other's bodies. It seemed like there was always new to discover.

A new sensation, a new way to please each other. A new way of making him call my name in ecstasy.

He was like a drug to me, one I would die for and one I would most certainly kill for.


	58. Chapter 58

**Ch 58**

**Ben**

When I woke up the next morning I could feel a bit of soreness in my muscles, I didn't really mind knowing well how I'd become sore.

I looked over and saw Rey sleeping on her side. Her back completely exposed to me.

I sat up slowly and then leaned towards her. Kissing from her shoulder down her spine to her hips.

She stirred slightly and moaned.

"Good morning Princess" I whispered into her skin, she sighed, I could feel she was awake now.

"Mmmmm good morning…" she slurred, she flipped over on the bed and I sat back up leaning against the pillows. She scooted over to me and wrapped an arm around my waist and laid her head on my chest. Her lovely wavy brown hair was a bit of a mess, but it smelled wonderfully. I couldn't place the sent but it was slightly sweet like berries with an almost earthy undertone.

"I'm going to take a shower okay? We should probably start to get ready for today"

She groaned and tightened her hold on me.

"Mmmm… can we sleep in a little longer? I'm so tired Ben…"

"That's not what you were saying last night when you kept begging for more…"

"Ben!" she screamed as she quickly got up and pushed me away. I could sense she was more embarrassed than upset, it was adorable.

"I'm only teasing Rey, you're adorable when you're embarrassed." I said as I got out of the bed and she sat back against the pillows while rubbing her eyes.

"If I seem to recall correctly, I wasn't the only one begging for anything last night!" she yelled as I closed the door to the 'fresher.

Once I emerged, she was up and making some breakfast, but it didn't smell right. It smelled a little… burnt.

"Rey what are you doing?" I asked her.

"Um… well I wanted to make some pancakes, but clearly" she said as she tried to scrape at a pan "It's not working… I hope you're cooking is better than mine becuase your wife cannot cook Solo, this is what happened when you only have rations to live on" she said with a slightly sad tone.

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, "Well I definitely appreciate your efforts here sweetheart, but I didn't marry you because of your cooking talents. I married ypu because you make me the happiest being in the galaxy." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and grabbed the pan out her hand while she walked towards the bed again

"Well I'll try and shower too, by the way I'm not sure I'll ever walk right again, I'm sorer in areas I didn't even think possible!" she said a little pained, but I just laughed at her.

I hoped this trial would be over and done by today or tomorrow. I could really get used to starting every morning of the rest of my life like this.

**_3 hours later_**

Needless to say, this damned trial was already three hours in and we had just read the crimes I was being tried for.

Sure, it was a hefty list, but I figured that would immediately warrant my death sentence. I didn't think people would actually fight to keep me alive, it was hard to believe that was true.

**Rey**

The trial lasted hours upon hours. There was a lot of screaming while Ben and I sat in the middle of a large room. There were dozens of people yelling at each other, I only managed to catch a few words here and there.

"He's a menace! How do we know he won't try and take over the galaxy again?"

"If it weren't for Solo's kid we would all be dead and under Palpatine's rule once again!"

"To hell with them both! It's time for the Jedi to die!"

That last one made me wince, I didn't think people were actually that hostile towards the Jedi and their way of life. I guess it should have been expected though.

Many wars had come to pass because of the Jedi.

"Everyone please! We are here to resolve the matter! Everyone quiet!" yelled Lando.

The room grew quiet in the moments after before he continued, this was honestly exhausting.

"Now, I know there is a lot of tension in the room regarding this matter. Yes, I understand young Solo was bad but in the end, he saved us by helping Rey kill Palpatine. Don't we owe him our lives? Both of them?"

People started to protest once again but he held his hands up, gesturing for them to calm down.

This was thoroughly the most exhausting thing I'd ever done in my life.

**_Me too, are you ready? We can distract the guards now and make a run for the x-wing you saw earlier._**

I stifled a laugh and looked away.

**_While it's a promising idea, even though it's my own, I have a good feeling about this Ben._**

**_Well at least that makes one of us._**

"So, what do you suggest we do Lando? We saw how troublesome the Jedi were at one point, we saw how the rise of their power was their downfall and the galaxy's, what do we do?"

"Vanish them! Send them away!" someone yelled from behind us.

I had the sudden urge to speak, I was getting tired of being in a huge room and getting talked about, but not having the chance to even defend myself.

**_I know that look, Rey, don't do something stupid…_**

**_It's not stupid! Yet…_**

I felt him roll his eyes and I had to hold back a laugh once again.

He knew if I wanted to say something I would, nothing would really stop me.

Except for the fear that what I might propose would actually ended up killing us both, however a voice suddenly spoke up, and it wasn't mine, but it had the same idea.


	59. Chapter 59

**Ch 59**

**Rey**

I saw Ben stand up next to and the words that left his mouth were along the lines of what I was thinking, just much, much less aggressive…

"Esteemed members of the court please, listen to me. We do NOT want to impose our beliefs on you anymore. What my wife and I want, is to be left alone. We will go back to whatever planet you deem worthy, we will start a new Jedi academy, where people of all ages are free to come and train. We will NOT get involved with your new Republic, we will NOT be your warriors and we will NOT be imprisoned. We just want to be left alone, to start a new generation of Jedi who value the Force for being the Force and not old traditions. We do not need to get in each other's ways. We can sign a treaty, now if you wish to have help from our new Jedi, that will require a different conversation. This is what we want, and surely you must know this is the best you'll get today."

With that Ben sat down.

The way he had spoken had reminded of so much of Leia, I even pictured her as a young politician, one that would be feared.

I wondered if that's what Ben would have become, a young powerful Senator, or the rightful Prince of Alderaan…

It made me think that perhaps in another life we could have met differently, regardless, I think I would love him no less than I do now.

"Young Solo's plan sounds reasonable" said a older man from the crowd "The Jedi have been long extinct, but as long as you give us a draft of what you had in mind for this new academy, perhaps a treaty would be greatly considered"  
"You will have that draft first thing tomorrow morning, and if anyone else has any other questions anyone is more than welcome to come to our quarters and ask what you please."

His words seemed to placate the crowd, but from the corner of my eye I saw Poe and Finn look… somewhat pained. I wasn't sure what the emotion was, but it surely wasn't a happy expression.

After a few more hours of deliberating Ben's proposal, we were finally dismissed for dinner and rest for the night.

"Rey can we talk to you for a second?" said a familiar voice behind me as we were leaving.

I turned around and saw Finn with Poe at his side and Rose, the gang was all here.

I looked at Ben and he nodded.

**_I'll see you back in our rooms_**, he said as gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and left.

I smiled at him and turned back to my friends.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, trying to get a sense from them. They were all slightly apprehensive and guarded. Not that I blamed them.

"Is this really what you want Rey? Do you really not care if you're sent to some backwater planet and never see us again? Or is he still manipulating you?" asked Poe.

"No, I don't want that, but no one is really giving us a chance to do anything else. Or am I wrong? I don't want to choose between you and him, but when he died, a part of me died too. I can't live without him, I won't do it."

"But he was Kylo Ren! How can you tr-"

"No, she's right" said Finn

Rose, Finn and I were both shocked at what Finn said.

"Wait, I am?"

"Yes, I can… kind of feel it. I can feel he's different, and it's very conflicting because I can't deny the truth that he is Ben Solo and Kylo Ren is gone."

"Finn… why didn't you say anything?" I asked him

"Because I was afraid of… myself. The more the days go by the more I feel this… thing grow inside me. The Force. Rey… I want to go with you, and I want you to teach me the ways of the Force. If you are willing" he said with a sad but hopeful look in his eyes.

I was expecting a lot of things, but this wasn't one of them.

"Finn… you can't be serious! You're going to just leave us here?!" Rose yelled at him. I could feel his conflict, he knew leaving would be difficult and he knew Poe and Rose would feel betrayed, but he also knew this was the right thing to do.

"I have to go. Jannah and I found a lot of other Force users in the storm trooper ranks. Some of them wants nothing to do with the Force, some of them are waiting for Jannah and me to come back and… teach them, but we have to start somewhere."

I blinked, this is why Finn had been so willing to help, "Is that it then? You just want me to be your teacher? Finn you're my friend but this seems a bit one sided don't you think?"

"I know what it looks like but Rey, I still love you as if you were my sister. You're the only person I know can help me, and if… Ben is willing to help us, then I am willing to forgive him. Not just because of the Force and what it tells me, but because if you trust him, then I trust him, and that's enough for me"

I sighed and looked at him, then Poe and Rose.

"I know this has been difficult for all of us, it's been difficult for me too. I don't want to take Finn away from you but… if you want to come with us and join our new academy then… I will not stop you and I'll train you Finn"

He smiled and suddenly I was being held in a tight grip in Finn's arms. Suddenly feeling like another part of me had returned, and I hadn't even noticed it was missing.


	60. Chapter 60

**Ch 60**

**Rey**

When I returned to our quarters, Ben was sitting at the small dining room table with a stack of holo pads spread out and he was furiously typing away on one of them.

"What are those for?" I asked as I walked up behind him and ran my hands across his shoulders.

"These are all the different concerns some Senators have in regard to the Jedi Academy, some are valid, like how involved they will be with the new Republic. Some are a little stupid and want us to have them chipped so they can be tracked or controlled or something, so it doesn't get out of hand. What I was thinking is, we let whoever wants to join, they can join, no matter the age, I can fund all of it, of course the money won't last forever, so I'm also trying to find a way to fund some money there. The Republic wants to help, but of course they'll want something in return…." He trailed off and looked up at me.

I was lost, I knew nothing of politics, I barely know how I became a Jedi, so really this was all new territory for me.

"Would you… like to help? You will be a Master after all and you'll help me start this new order and you'll help me train the new recruits"

"I would love to help but first, since you bring up new recruits, I think I just got our first one…."

His eyebrow raised questioningly but he remained silent, that was my cue to continue.

"Well… Finn said him and Jannah found a lot of Force users within the old Storm Trooper ranks of the First Order, and he wants to be my student… and Jannah I assume would be yours"

"Yes well, that's fine if they want to join, but are they aware of what it means for them? It's a lifetime commitment, once you're fully one with the Force you can't really turn it off, it becomes a part of you and you a part of it."

"He's well aware of the implications, they both are, but they want to help, and Finn is… like a brother to me. I don't want him to have to navigate through this alone the way I had to in the beginning and for most of my life. I was lucky enough to find Luke and then Leia and now you, but he has… no one." I said dropping my head down and staring at my hands. I knew most of the Force sensitives in those old ranks were probably in a similar situation.

"I know what we did in taking them from their homes was… beyond tragic. There's no word I can use to truly describe that atrocity. However, they will all have to understand that I will be in charge, and some of them saw me on those ships, killing millions with and without a mask on…" His oice trailed off, the weight of his words hanging in the room with thick tension.

"I understand Ben, but I think this is our chance to right those wrongs. You aren't that person anymore, not really. You're balanced now, and that's what we'll teach. Balance. We will relly on both good and bad emotion, instead of suppressing it. We will teach love and compassion and that attachments aren't wrong… we will teach them that all aspects of the Force are necessary to achieve true balance. Like we've done"

"This is why I love you so much, because you're wise beyond your years, because you know a lot more than people think you do and because you have an inherently stubborn character that refuses to quit."

"Well I also have an inherently stubborn husband who has to put up with me until the day I die, so I think in that sense we are evenly matched" I said with a laugh, which he returned.

"And I honestly wouldn't have it any other way"

After a week or so of some serious and heavy debating, the plans for the new Jedi Order AND the new Republic had been finalized.

We would be allowed to return to Naboo and use Varykino as our new Jedi Temple. Ben and I would also oversee the addition to any new rooms we might need, we didn't want to start with a huge class since there was only two of us as masters for now, overtime the temple would grow, or we would find a new planet to relocate to.

The Jedi would get financial help from the Republic as long as one of the masters agreed to be a representative in the Senate, until further notice, that would have to be Ben.

We didn't have much besides the clothes on our back and Lando supplied us with a ship to return to Naboo to begin the preparation for the temple. We were supposed to be opened and ready to operate in month, but I wanted to make a really quick stop before heading to our destination.

So now, we were on our way to the Old Skywalker moisture farm and I walked to the place where I buried Luke and Leia's sabers.

"Have you ever been here before?" I asked Ben as I stood over the place where the sabers were buried.

"No… I didn't find out about my heritage until I was almost 20 years old or so. My uncle never really said much about where he had lived before becoming a Jedi, but I feel a lot of sad and… angry emotions here. And some very happy ones too." He said as he looked around the farm.

I knelt down, and the sand shook beneath me, revealing the two wrapped sabers. I picked up the wrapped items and made my way to Ben, who left to explore the home of his ancestors, the home that Luke had once lived in.

I ended up finding him next to a couple of headstones, but there was one in particular he was looking one. It looked very old and worn, no doubt from the deadly elements from the deserts of Tatooine.

"This was my… my great grandmother. She died a very violent death. I can feel it, but… in the end she felt love, love for her only son. Anakin"

I grabbed his hand, sensing a deep sorrow within him.

"I wish I could have met her, or even my grandmother in person. I wish I could meet the women my mother came from. I know she couldn't meet them either, but I would have liked to see how she resembled them"

"Ben, they live in you, there's a part of them in you. There always will be and I'm sure they are always watching over you. Especially your grandmother since she's actually shown herself to you"

"You're right, and I hope their kindness and strength and yours is passed down to our children"

That statement took me by surprise, we hadn't touched the subject of kids after we discussed it would happen when we were both ready.

"Rey, I know we said we would wait to start a family but… I want to start trying if you're okay with it" he said as he looked down to the floor. I could feel he was a little shy in regard to the subject, maybe even embarrassed.

"Oh Ben… yes! I want that more than anything! But don't you think it'll be too much with having to also start the new Jedi Order?"

"Rey, as long as we're together, I'm sure we can handle whatever's thrown at us, as long as I'm with you I can overcome anything. Even parenthood" he said with a big smile that just melted my heart. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He leaned down and I stood on my toes to meet him halfway.

As our lips touched the sunset and I felt in my heart this is when the waiting would end.


	61. Chapter 61

**Ch 61**

**Rey**

_Six months later…_

I stood in the courtyard as Finn practiced his forms. He was having a really hard time with a defensive form and he kept getting irritated with himself if he lost balance.

"Finn find your center, let go of everything, anger, sadness, don't let them control you. Accept them as they are and let them go" I told him for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I know I know I'm sorry, I think I need to go meditate for a second, so I can find this center you keep talking about" I sighed and rubbed my eyes, I hadn't gotten much sleep lately, a big part of that was that Ben had been gone for about 8 days to the capital. Something about trying to help slaves in the outer rim and trying to abolish entirely.

I missed him dearly.

"That's fine come find me whenever you feel ready to continue. We still have to get you ready for the trials to move you to a Jedi Knight"

That seemed to catch his interest and he sat on the ground in meditative position. I walked off and went to check on a few of our other students. Janah had been one of our most promising pupils, she was smart, driven, and she was always sure of herself. Confidence that one rarely saw.

She was currently trying to teach one of our younger students, a Tw'ilek girl, how to use the Force to deflect blaster shots with one of our practice droids.

"Good work Janah, and Semli, you're getting a lot better at it, I'm proud of you." The young girl smiled at me and didn't lose her focus.

Janah walked towards me and stood by my side while we watched Semli continue to practice.

"When does Master Ben come back?" she asked me, obviously she could sense my uneasiness over how long he's been gone.

"He said he should be back any day now, he's never been gone this long before. I don't imagine these negotiations are easy since we're talking about the entire Outer Rim. Besides, he's a great negotiator, he definitely inherited that form his mother." Janah laughed at my statement and we stood in silence for a second.

"You look tired Master Rey, are you alright?" she said, I could sense she was curious. She wasn't the only one.

"Well, I haven't been sleeping well, and the food lately hasn't been sitting well with me. It's something I have to discuss with Ben as so-"

"As soon as I get here?" I heard a voice say from behind me.

"Ben!" I said as I ran to him and threw myself at him. He picked me up easily and kissed me.

"I thought you weren't going to be here until later! What happened?!"

"Well, I missed you, but they finally decided they would try to strike a deal with the Hutts first, something business related to improve trade and their economy. They'll send out Dameron and Rose soon, she might make a stop on the way but don't tell Finn.

"It's good to have you back Master Ben, I'll let you both catch up." Said Janah with a bow and she turned around back to Semli.

"You feel different Princess, are you alright? You look tired" he asked, I could feel him searching my mind as he cupped my face in his hands. I leaned into his touch and I felt his surprise as he sensed a block in my mind.

"Stop it, I'll tell you. First of all, I hadn't slept much, it's not the same when you're gone. I feel so lonely."

"I missed you too and I'm back now, but please stop blocking me out"

"Ben… something wonderful has happened" I said as I looked into his eyes, his brows furrowed in confusion.

I grabbed one of the hands that was on my face and directed it to my stomach. He gasped and I could see in his eyes he was putting the pieces together.

"I'm… I'm pregnant" I said and smiled. He kissed me again and when he pulled away he knelt down and kissed my stomach.

"Thank you Rey… thank you for everything you've ever done for me and for this. For giving me a family."

"And I thank you for loving me and for standing by my side. No and always"

And he stood up and held my hand as we stood and watched our two students and saw the rest of our future was bright.

The End

**Hey guys! So this is the end of the story. Thank you for everyone that liked or followed along! I do have another story in the works (yes it's reylo, and it's going to be way better, I promise). I will also try to finish one more chance, crazy to see how many people liked that story! I promise I'll try guys! Thank you to everyone again and I hope every one is being safe during these cover times.**


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